He sighs as he kicks back on the couch, a script from his agent in hand, and his faithful Joe by his side. He reaches out and scratches Joe behind the ear as he looks down at the script. At a whine from Joe he turns to look at the dog, and Joe barks. Chad then looks up at the television. He forgot he had it on mute. It's on entertainment news and a picture of Jared flashes across the screen. He turns the volume up.

"This just in, reports are confirmed that Jared Padalecki, best known for his role as Dean Forester on Gilmore Girls and Sam Winchester from the current CW cult show Supernatural is in critical condition. Yesterday afternoon while doing stunt work on set, an unfortunate accident occurred and Mr. Padalecki was injured. Production on Supernatural has been halted, and show creator Eric Kripke has been unavailable for comment…"

Chad shuts the television off with his remote, the script slipping from his limp hand, and Joe whining at his side and nuzzling at his thigh, trying to comfort him. Chad picks up his phone, dials his usual dog sitter, and then he calls the airport to get the next flight out to Vancouver.

----------

Jensen Ackles has been pacing the length of the waiting room for the last couple of days. He only leaves to go to Jared's place to feed the dogs and catch a couple of hours of sleep. He managed a shower earlier before coming back up. Now he's on his fifth cup of coffee and considering a sixth when from out of nowhere he's grabbed from behind and slammed into a wall.

"Two fucking days he's been unconscious and I have to hear about it on the fucking news! What the hell is wrong with you? You might be his new best friend, but fuck! I knew him first! He's one of the closest friends I have! You could have fucking called at the very least! I know you can't stand me, you fucker, but he's my friend too! He's my fucking friend too and I wanna be there for him when he's hurt, cause I know he'd be there for me!" Chad snarls, his blue eyes snapping with his anger.

Jensen grabs the front of Chad's shirt; he kicks Chad's legs out from under him, and holds him down beneath him on the floor of the hospital waiting room. "I don't owe you a God damned thing, Murray! I'm Jared's friend, not yours! I told the people that matter! I told his parents, and Sandy, and they're on their way back up here any minute! You never registered as a blip on my radar, and if you think you'll ever mean a damn thing to me you got another thing coming you cocky, smug little bastard!"

Chad is shoving against him, when Jensen is suddenly dragged off of him, and Jared's father, Gerald, is helping Chad up. Jensen is being held between a couple of brawny orderlies and glaring at Chad.

"My son is in intensive care right now, and you're his best friends and you're fighting like two dogs over the same bone," Gerald snaps, looking between them and both men have the decency to look cowed.

Jensen is the first to speak. "Gerry, I'm sorry. It's been a long couple of days and I haven't slept much."

Gerald nods. "I know, Jen, and it's okay. It's hard on everybody. I'll just be glad to have him awake and talking my ear off again."

Jensen nods, and Chad looks up at Gerald, a little nervous, because Jared's father has always been a little wary around him. "Mr. Padalecki," he says, wetting his lips nervously, because he's never been able to bring himself to call Jared's father by his first name, and he hates that Jensen seems to have that privilege. "Is it all right if I see him? I just… I wanna see how he is."

Gerald bites his lip for a moment, considering and then he gives Chad a nod. "All right. They've got him in a private room, Sherri's in there with him now. You can see him, but not for long, and when you're done, you should probably go cool off. I'm sure this hospital has rules about fighting."

"Yes sir," Chad says, barely audible, and surprisingly enough when the orderlies let Jensen go, it's Jensen that leads Chad to Jared's room.

Chad pushes the door open quietly, and bites his lip to keep from making a sound as he watches Jared's mother holding his hand and crying over him. There's a stab of jealously in his gut, quickly followed by guilt. It still amazes him how close Jared and his family are. Chad wishes he had a mom like Jared's. He takes in a shaky breath, knowing when he's not needed and quietly closes the door as he steps back out of the room, careful not to disturb Sherri.

He leans back against the wall next to the door, his head bumping against the slot for patient information. He can't believe this is happening, that Jared's in critical condition. There's a huge bruise near his right temple, and hairline, he's ghostly pale, and Chad hates that the warmth and vitality, everything that makes Jared, well Jared, has been seemingly sucked out of him.

"You okay?" Jensen asks, his voice thick with something Chad doesn't know how to take.

Chad snorts. "I'll manage, thanks."

"So how'd you get here anyway?" Jensen asks.

"Took a plane and then a cab," Chad bites out, something curling uncomfortable in his stomach as he thinks about his best friend in the next room with his mother crying over him.

Jensen is saying something to him, but he doesn't comprehend anything until a hand falls on his shoulder and his head snaps up, his blue eyes locking with a steady, worried green gaze. "Huh?" he asks.

"I said I'm headed back to Jay's to check on the dogs, and if you need a ride I'm driving. I guess he gave you a key to his place for a reason," Jensen says in a tone that speaks volumes of exhaustion.

There's uncomfortable silence surrounding them as they get into Jensen's car, a rent-a-deal special if ever Chad saw one. Not that he's ever thought about it, but Jensen has always seemed more the type at home in a pick-up truck or a vintage Trans-Am as opposed to the freaking Camry they currently find themselves in.

The drive seems to last forever. Chad takes his journal out of his duffel bag. It's a medium sized, black leather book with gold gilded pages. It was a gift from Jared last Christmas. He sighs as he runs his fingers along the soothing leather. He cracks it open, to the next blank page nearly two thirds of the way into the damn thing.

He snaps the book shut in frustration and drops it on the duffel at his feet. He doesn't want to think of all the insecurities and issues that fill that book's pages right now, especially not with Jared hurting and unconscious in the hospital. Damn hospitals, Chad hates them with a passion. Probably hates them as much as Jensen seems to… Chad pauses, cocks his head and then turns to look at Jensen.

Jensen's profile is clearly defined; his lips prominent even from the side, and his hair mostly hidden by a beanie. Chad snorts. Jensen spares him a glance and in annoyance snaps, "What?"

Chad shrugs. "Nothing. Just… Why the hell you hate me so damn much?"

Jensen lets out a dry laugh and then shakes his head. "You're an ass."

Chad puffs up in his seat and decides not to further attempt conversation, otherwise when Jared wakes up he'll be left explaining why Jensen is laid out cold in the bed next to him. Not really a discussion Chad wants to have with his best friend when Jared pulls through.

Jensen pulls up in Jared's driveway, and Chad snatches his duffel bag, and opens the car door. He looks back and Jensen and says, "Don't bother, I think I can handle Jay's dogs. Thanks for the ride."

Chad slams the car door behind him and Jensen winces as he watches Chad's jerky, rushed movements up to Jay's door. He waits for the door to close behind Chad and then he puts the car in gear, backs out of the drive and takes off for his own place.

It's not a long drive, just a couple of blocks and he's turning the key in the ignition, the engine grows quiet, and his hands tighten on the steering wheel for a moment as he wonders how things have gone all to hell lately. He lets the steering wheel go and leans back in his seat. His head lolls to the passenger's side of the car, and then he stiffens, and reaches down into the floorboard.

He pulls back and cocks his head to the side, looking at the medium sized, black leather book in his hand. Obviously something of Chad's. He looks at the spine, but there's no writing to tell him what it is. A tremor slips up his spine as his index finger slips along the corner of the book and he lifts it open. The first page is a black page, he turns it and then there's nothing but spiky scrawl dancing along the faint lines on the page.

The writing is unique, almost elegant in it's precision, but still concise and sharp, clearly legible, and not what he would expect from someone like Chad Michael Murray. Jensen gives his head a shake and focuses more on the words rather than the mechanics of the script.

It's almost unreal that he knows me well enough to get me something like a journal. Hell, Sophie never knew me like that, and I was married to her.

That bitch. She's like everyone else. I fuck up once and she takes off. She should have known I'm not that strong. Will power is not a strong suit, never has been with me.

Kenzie was just as bad. One little thing and it's over, I'm too old for her and not good enough.

Not Jay though. I swear the fucker's clingy, but it's not so bad. It took me a while to get that he wasn't going anywhere, and God knows I fuck up enough for him to leave me out in the cold. Jay's the kind of guy that doesn't bail you out of jail, he's sitting right beside you in the cell and asking, "Christ man, what the hell happened? You okay? And man, did we kick ass!"

Gotta like a guy like that. I just wished I deserved a friend like that, but hell, I got his back, and I guess that's the least I can do for him. Always have his back. Even if we don't hang like we used to, and every time I get him on the phone it's Jensen fucking Ackles this and Jensen fucking Ackles that. Still, he knows me well enough to know that I like getting bullshit like this out of my fucked up head.

My boy's always got my back, I just hope he knows he's my best friend, even if I don't hold that title with him anymore.

It takes him a moment to realize he's holding his breath. He snaps the book, Chad's journal, shut and takes in a breath. That's more than he ever wanted to know about the biggest ass on the planet, and yet, he's curious to know more, to read more into the fucked up mind that is Chad with his abandonment issues.

He gets out of the car, Chad's journal held tightly in his left hand. He closes and locks the door of the car then heads inside to get a good beer and lose the battle with his morals and common sense. He knows he's fucked, and going to read the rest of the journal. His Momma would smack him for what he's about to do. Hell, he almost feels guilty because he knows how he is about his own privacy. But it's Chad, so decency and morals kind of go out the window. Still there's that ghostly twinge of guilt, but no one ever has to know, and there's got to be some good dirt on the asshole in his own journal.

He goes to the kitchen, pulls a beer out of the fridge, goes to the living room, falls back on the couch, pops the cap on his coffee table, takes a long pull from the bottle, then opens the journal and continues to read.

Damn, I know how it was growing up, just us and Dad, but hearing that my old man's dating again? It's not that I have anything against Linda, hell, she's nice enough, but weird. Maybe I should just suck it up and let my old man be happy. I get not wanting to be alone, I more than get it. Still, it's like I'm losing a part of him.

I hate that I'm such a selfish fucking prick, but I'm not gonna lie to myself. I am what I am. A bastard. A selfish little prick. A scared fucking little boy who's always had my dad in my corner, and now he's got someone else to take up his time. What do I do if I call in the middle of the night because I've fucked up again, and he answers the phone while he's doing something with her that I REALLY don't wanna know about?

I'm happy for him, sure. But this still changes everything. It makes me think twice about calling him now…

Jensen's eyes widen and he shakes he head. He gets up and grabs another beer, decides that isn't strong enough and goes for the bottle of Jack in the cabinet beneath the sink. He unscrews the top and tilts his head and the bottle back. He winces at the first burn, but then takes another long pull, and takes the bottle back with him to the living room.

He's half way through the journal and more than two third's down into the bottle. With five beer chasers, and all on an empty stomach.

He knows he's fucked up when Chad's unique scrawl starts to blur on the gold gilded pages of the journal. Chad, the bastard is human after all. It's clear he cares for his family, his brothers, sister, and Dad, and Jared, cause the boy considers Jay family. Jensen belches and then growls to himself. It's not fucking fair. Chad is so close to Jay, known Jay longer, has had more time with him.

Jensen would kill for the time Chad's known Jay. Especially now with Jay wasting away in a hospital, the nurses whispering about it being a tragedy if he never wakes up. There's things more tragic than that, like Chad's fucking emo journal, and Jensen's undeniable thing for Jared. Tragic, those fucking nurses don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Chad, this is all his fault! Having a fucking journal. Even if Jay gave it to him. Chad is the one that writes in the fucking thing, and it's all his fault. Jensen pulls his arm back to throw it, but then he's struck with an even better idea in the drunken fog that is his brain at the moment. Fuck throwing the journal, it wouldn't really accomplish anything. No, he's going over to Jay's right now. He's going to knock on the door and when that smug little fucker answers it, he's going to use that journal to beat the bastard's head in.

He lurches to his feet, grabs the keys on the coffee table, stumbles out of the door, slips into the car and fumbles with getting the key in the ignition before he finally manages to successfully get the engine to turn over.

----------

Chad is upstairs in Jared's guestroom. He sighs as he goes through his duffel bag, then he freezes when he finds something very important missing. Shit. Why did he have to take it out in Jensen's car? It's probably still in the floorboard. Not like it would be that easy to notice. Maybe Ackles wouldn't notice it. He certainly wouldn't read it, oh no. Not high and mighty Jensen fucking Ackles.

He figures there's really nothing he can do about his journal tonight, which is a damn shame because he could really use writing time to clear his mind. To put to paper some of the worry he's feeling over Jay. Seeing him so pale in that bed with all those tubes and wires stuck in him. Just thinking about it gives him the creeps.

He hears a whine and looks toward the doorway and notices Sadie flat on her belly, her eyes sad and asking where her daddy is. Chad sighs and goes to the dog. She lifts herself up a little and he crouches and scratches at her ears, and says, "I know girl. You miss Jay, huh? He's tough, girl. He'll wake up and come home. Wait and see."

She gives a soft "woof" and he smiles at her. He gets back up to his feet and heads to the bathroom, but the sound of doggy claws clacking across the floor and the twin barks of boy Harley and Sadie tell him that someone is at the door. Chad takes in a deep breath, clomps downstairs and wonders who in the hell is pounding on Jay's front door like a maniac.

Probably Michael Rosenbaum or Tom Welling. Mike's not so bad, but Tom Welling with his over bearing hero complex is enough to grate on Chad's last nerve, and he's stressed enough with his best friend practically in a coma and his journal in Jensen Ackles fucking car.

He yanks the door open and takes a step back at the strong smell of alcohol and Jensen Ackles waving his arms around wildly and making crazy accusations among other things. Then Chad sees what Jensen has in his left hand. His blue eyes widen and then narrow before he reaches out to snatch his journal out of Jensen's hand, but Jensen pulls the book against his chest and then his eyes roll back into his head and he's falling over.

Chad doesn't really think out his next move, he just acts. He wonders if that's a good idea as he finds himself in a heap with a very drunk and unconscious Jensen Ackles halfway in Jared's house and on Jared's porch.

He manages to get to his feet and drag Ackles inside. Drunk asshole or not, it's cold out and he's not going to let one of Jay's friends, even if it is Ackles, freeze to death in a drunken stupor.

Once he gets Jensen settled on the couch he goes to shut the door. He locks it back, takes in a few deep breaths, checks in on the dogs who've discovered Jensen laid out on the couch. Harley noses at Jensen's limp hand and Sadie whines in the back of her throat. Chad shoos them away, and then reaches for the journal still clutched closely to Jensen's chest.

The asshole's got a pretty good grip for a drunk, unconscious guy. Chad rolls his eyes, goes upstairs to the guestroom, pulls one of the extra blankets off of the bed and brings it down stairs. He tosses it over Jensen, and hears Jensen snuffle and watches as the man shifts on the couch.

He's about to head back upstairs when he hears something that makes his heart jump.

"Always think about you, Jay. Shouldn't want you like I do. S' bad wantin' you so much. Can't help it."

Chad bends down to catch Jensen's words more clearly, his eyes widening as he realizes what Jensen's saying. Then Jensen's free hand reaches up, and his eyes open a little, but they're cloudy and unfocused.

Jensen's grip is still pretty damn strong as he grabs the back of Chad's neck and jerks him forward until their noses collide and their lips meet in an awkward kiss of clashing teeth and drunken want.

Jensen's hand goes slack again, and Chad slowly pulls back, his eyes flutter open. The kiss is far from good, since it's coated with alcohol and confusion, still, those lips. Damn those lips. Chad's eyes are drawn to them now, and even drunk and passed out, he can't deny that there's something about Jensen Ackles that draws you in. Funny he's never noticed before.

He doesn't know how long he just stands there in a daze staring down at Jensen, but eventually he shakes his head and finds his way up to Jared's guestroom. He'll worry about dealing with a hung over, journal stealing Ackles in the morning.

----------

He feels like he's gone a couple of rounds with a grizzly bear, his head is all stuffed up and ringing and bitching at him, his mouth is dry and tastes like ass, and there's this faint smell of cooking meat that has his stomach threatening to turn inside out on him. He groans and clutches his head as he gets to his feet and makes it to Jared's bathroom. He uses the toilet, washes his hands, and uses some of Jared's mouthwash to work that nasty dry taste out of his mouth.

He looks in the mirror and shakes his head, because he looks awful, and feels even worse than he looks, and he's trying to remember what happened last night. Jared's in the hospital and he wakes up drunk on Jared's couch, but he could have sworn there was a kiss and something about a journal. He shrugs and pulls his shirt up to his face, wrinkles his nose and wonders how he even got to Jared's house with as wasted as he got last night.

He sighs, splashes some water on his face, pulls the rank shirt off and drops it to the floor, because if he's gonna face the smell of food, it's not going to be backed up with the smell of his exploits from last night. He wanders into the kitchen a few minutes later, looks toward Harley and Sadie's food and water dishes, and smiles when he sees they've been taken care of. They are Jared's babies, if they aren't cared for Jared will hurt his ass when he wakes up.

He looks up then and sees Chad in a pair of gray sweatpants, leaning against the counter eating scrambled eggs and bacon, then he looks at the kitchen table and notices a tall glass of orange juice and Tylenol waiting for him. He raises a brow at that, but takes the pills and then grimaces at the bite of the orange juice. He pulls the chair out from the kitchen table and collapses into it, nursing the orange juice down, and then he feels eyes on him.

He looks up and Chad's blue eyes are blazing and words from that damn journal swirl in Jensen's head and he finds himself just as angry.

"And you call me a fucking ass," Chad snaps.

"What the hell! You're the one that keeps the fucking thing, and you left it in my car! It's just as much your fault! So what! You think I wanted to know any damn thing about you?" Jensen replies, and suddenly wishes he hadn't replied so loudly as his head pounds a little more.

"I'll put you reading my journal aside for now, you fucking asshole. I was talking about Jared! He's got Sandy, he's had her for a long time, and he loves her! You can't just fuck your way in between them! All you ever think about is your damn self, and you've been at the hospital since the accident and probably didn't call anyone except his damn parents, because I didn't see her there either! And I don't care what you said, if anyone called her it was probably Jared's parents! And that's not your fucking decision to make!"

Okay, and the world has started spinning backwards when Chad Michael Murray actually makes sense.

"What do you know about that?" Jensen says, most of the fight knocked out of him.

Chad takes a drink of his own orange juice, sets his plate aside, and takes a seat in the chair opposite Jensen. "When I hauled your ass over to the couch you said something about wanting him, and then your drunk ass reached up and you…"

"I what?" Jensen asks, and brings his fingers up to his lips, already knowing the answer, but needing it confirmed.

"Nothing. But I know how you feel about Jay. I know you want him. So what, you fuck him and ruin the thing he's got going with Sandy, and then you get bored and dump him? That would damn near destroy him and no one hurts my boy on my watch."

Jensen's eyes spark with anger and he lurches to his feet, plants his hands firmly on the table and leans across it to get into Chad's face, and Chad can smell the remnants of alcohol and fresh mouthwash on his breath, and his eyes are trained on that tempting mouth, and he couldn't hate the man before him anymore if he tried. Damn Jensen Ackles and his fucking charisma and that mouth.

"I might want him, but I care too much to just fuck him, if that's what you're worried about. I know how he feels about Sandy, every time she calls him he's over the God damned moon and it kills me. You think it's all about what I want, but I don't want to hurt him. That's why I'm usually so careful. Why I don't get drunk off my ass around him. Why I take all the casual touches and the way he fucking drapes himself all over me in stride, because I know he's happy with her, and I'm not fucking up what I already have with him. He's a good damn friend, and I don't want to that to ever change."

"Why should I believe you? I've heard things about you, and I remember how you were a couple years back," Chad says, and gets to his feet, rounds the table, and they are facing each other, both around the same height, though Jensen might be a little taller.

"Who are you to talk? You fuck up everything you touch. You've lost your wife, and then you lost that little girl, all because you're so insecure. You're just as much a fuck up as me, if not worse, Murray," Jensen snarls in his face.

Chad hauls Jensen back against the wall, pulls his fist back and sees Jensen tense and prepare for the blow, then Chad's eyes wander to Jensen's mouth and the last thing he's thinking about his hitting the man. He darts forward anyway, though not with his fist. His mouth locks with Jensen's and Jensen, caught by surprise opens his mouth to protest and Chad licks his way inside, his tongue darting between those perfect damn lips, tasting last night's liquor binge and Jared's mouthwash, and something that's just dark and salty, and bittersweet, something that is almost as damn near addicting as Jensen. Damn charismatic bastard.

He finally pulls back to catch his breath, and Jensen's eyes slit open and he cocks his head to the side as he looks at Chad. Chad's breath catches and then he's spun around, his back against the wall, and Jensen's mouth against his jaw, Jensen's teeth grazing over the fluttering of his pulse, and his dick is suddenly very interested as Jensen's hands find their way to his hips, and then Jensen shifts, rubbing their crotches together.

"You must really be a dick if they leave you after tasting you," Jensen growls against the curve where Chad's neck meets shoulder, and then Jensen shifts lower, his teeth grazing over Chad's left nipple as Jensen's right hand slips beneath his sweat pants and curls around Chad's very eager cock.

"Same could be said for you," Chad retaliates and then hisses when Jensen's hand slips down along his length and rubs a roughly calloused finger over the head, blunt fingernail teasing the slip as he leaks a little pre-come.

"Bet you see me on my knees with your cock in my mouth in that fucked up little head of yours, don't you Murray?" Jensen purrs as he licks and nips his way down Chad's chest and abdomen and while he'll deny it later, Chad lets out a whine of need, because that's just one of the things flickering through his mind at the moment, although he's pretty sure the rest of it involves Jensen as well.

"How bad you want me, Murray? You gotta want me real bad. Have to fucking have me before I wrap my mouth around your cock. Gonna fuck you into the floor till you break in half and beg me to stop and then beg me for more. You pathetic piece of shit, you'll be lucky to have my dick rammed up your ass," Jensen growls as he sinks his teeth into the jut of Chad's hipbone.

Chad is grateful for the wall at his back as Jensen's hand continues to slowly jack him, and he tilts forward, the slant of Jensen's eyes making him look dangerous, and Chad, always reckless, does what he does best. Taunts.

"Always so chatty, or just a damn cock tease? You keep talking about my cock like you want it in your mouth, so fucking man up and take it. Or are you just a mouthy little bitch, Jenny?"

Jensen lets out a growl as he roughly drags Chad's sweats down to his ankles, flickers the head of Chad's cock with tongue that's almost too talented for words, and Chad's head falls back against the wall in a loud thump as his eyes roll back in his head. He has to force himself to look down and keep his eyes open to see Jensen's mouth wrapped around his dick, and it looks better than he could have imagined, and his fingers find their way into Jensen's short cropped hair, tightening around Jensen's skull as Jensen takes him in deeper and fondles his balls.

God, Chad's gotten head before, from his ex-wife, from make-up girls, but never like this, and never from a man before. Damn it feels so good, perfect, and he can't imagine it being better with any damn body else. He can feel the clenching in his gut, the tightening in his balls, the spark at the base of his spine, and knows he's close, but fuck it. He's not going to warn Jensen, he's just going to explode into Ackles' mouth, and enjoy every second of it.

He bites down on his lip as he feels it surge through him, his hips jolt forward and he's coming, his eyes locked on Jensen's face, as Jensen's eyes slip shut, and his throat works to swallow. Those ridiculous, long lashes so girly, and Jensen's damn pretty despite how hard he tries to look rugged.

When Jensen pulls back, licking at his plump, abused mouth, Chad sinks to his knees in front of him, and pulls Jensen in for a long, lazy, sated kiss, and Jensen hungrily responds like he wants to devour Chad's soul. All Chad can taste is himself and that underlying slick flavor that cries out of lazy, well choreographed sex and Jensen.

Jensen shifts, nips at Chad's earlobe with his teeth, and his voice is dark and husky as he says, "My turn Murray. Gonna fuck that hard ass raw as soon as you tell me where the condoms are. I'll wing it with the lube."

Chad shudders at that voice being breathed in his ear, as Jensen gets to his feet and drags Chad up with him.

Read Chapter Two of Leaving Always Brings Me Down by TempestQuill