"What the hell? Jesus Christ wait a minute won't you?" Rubbing his eyes, Matt Hardy yawned and stumbled out of bed, groaning at having been awoken at such an early hour. Wearily he flung open the door. "It's two in the fucking morning. What do you want?"

Chris Irvine stood nervously at the door. His voice was urgent. "Get dressed and come with me. It's Jeff."

Immediately the dark-haired wrestler was alert. "What's happened? Chris, where the fuck is he?" Matt's eyes surveyed Chris quickly. He was dressed like he'd been clubbing: tight black PVC pants and a black shirt.

Matt pulled his clothes on quickly then followed Chris down the hallway. "Chris, just tell me what happened. Is he OK?" Matt was frantic, but couldn't question him any more because both of them were almost running. They stopped outside the hotel room door.

"We've brought him to my room, but he won't talk to any of us. We don't know what's happened, but he's terrified." Chris informed him breathlessly.

Matt pushed his way into the room. Essa, Adam and Sean were all there, and looked up at the older Hardy worriedly. Matt's brown eyes stopped scanning the room when they fell upon Jeff and he rushed over to him. The younger man was curled up into a ball on the bed, and was shaking violently.

"Jeffie?" Softly Matt whispered his brother's name and sat on the edge of the bed. Jeff's green eyes flew open and fixed on his older brother, and Matt almost recoiled at the abject terror he saw, then checked himself and pulled Jeff into an embrace. "It's OK baby, it's OK."

"Mattie." Jeff whispered into his ear, so quiet Matt could hardly hear. "Jay… we went clubbing… he had loads to drink… I… I went to the bathroom… he followed me… he had… oh god Matt, he tried to have sex… I said no… and he got violent… he… he tried to rape me." This monologue, at first punctuated by sniffs, was now enveloped by violent sobbing. Then Jeff calmed down slightly, and he continued. "He must've been disturbed… he left… then the others found me… and brought me back here… I thought he loved me Matt. He promised he wouldn't hurt me." He buried his head in Matt's chest.

"Shh." Matt's head was spinning. Fuck Jay. Of all the people. He knew what had happened to Jeff before. How could he do this? "Honey, I won't let him hurt you, I promise." Matt had tried to wrap Jeff in cotton wool, and had been wary of letting Jay get too close, but Jeff had wanted to be with him, so Matt had reluctantly agreed. But, how could Jay abuse that trust?

Matt scooped up his little brother in his arms and addressed the others. "I'm taking him back to my room." Jeff was a light little thing for him to carry, putting his arms around Matt's neck and burying his head in his older brother's chest.

Chris followed the brothers back, searching Matt's face for a clue to what had happened. All he saw was blazing anger.

Tenderly Matt laid Jeff on his bed, and dropped a kiss on his forehead. Then he went to speak to Chris, who stood at the door, a look of concern on his face.

"Chris." Matt wasn't quite sure what to tell his friend. "Jeff… he said… they've had a fight."

"A fight?" Chris looked incredulous. "Matt, he's terrified. You do not get that way from a fight."

Matt sighed. It probably would be better to tell him. "Don't tell the others. I don't want them doing anything. But, Jay tried to rape him."

Chris slumped against the doorframe. "Jesus. How could he do that? He knows how fragile Jeff is. I'll kill that bastard, I swear."

"Just leave it." Matt ordered. "I'll deal with Jay. Just don't tell the others. I don't want this to get out of hand."

"It's already done that." The glowering frown on Chris' face was clear. "Don't worry, I won't tell them. You go look after Jeff. And if you need us, we're here for you." Chris hugged his friend supportively before he left.

Matt turned his attention back to Jeff, kneeling down beside the bed and stroking his brother's face gently. "Baby, do you want to talk about it?"

Jeff's face crumpled into sobbing again. "I thought he was different. He… he came up behind me… he asked me… to have sex with him… I said no… Matt I'm not ready for that… he said… he'd waited long enough… that I should be over that… he said that he didn't care what I thought… I should just do it… but when I said no again… he didn't care what I wanted… he just tried to do it anyway…Matt I thought he loved me… he knew I wasn't ready… Why… why did he want to hurt me? Why does everyone what to hurt me?" Jeff's swollen eyes were shining innocence and hurt.

"Not everyone wants to hurt you Jeff. I think we all misjudged Jay. But I promise that not everyone is like him, and not everyone is like…" Matt didn't even like to say that guy's name in front of Jeff, seeing him tremble even at the thought of him. "Baby, it's not your fault, you weren't to know."

"I trusted him Matt, I thought he loved me." Jeff bit his lip to try and stem any more tears. "Maybe it was because he was drinking, maybe he does love me."

"No Jeffie. Being drunk is no excuse. You do not need that in your life." Matt tried to be the voice of reason.

"But if it was that…" Jeff clung to the belief that his relationship could be saved.

"No Jeff." Matt tried to be gentle but firm. "Promise me you won't go back to him."

"I can't."

"Jeff, you need someone who truly loves you. That's not Jay. There is someone out there who will make you happy." Matt definitely didn't want Jeff to go back to Jay. Even if Jay apologized and was truly sorry, Matt could never trust him again. The potential for his little brother to be hurt would always be there.

"Maybe I don't deserve to be happy." Jeff mumbled. "Maybe I deserve to be hurt."

"No baby." All of the progress Jeff had made over the last six months had been destroyed by Jay's drunken actions. "You are a good person Jeff. You don't deserve any of this."

"Oh Matt." Jeff sighed, pulling his brother's arms around him.

"Please Jeff. Promise me you won't go back to him." Matt needed Jeff to do this, for his own sanity as much as for Jeff's safety.

"OK." Jeff acquiesced his southern drawl soft. He closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep, cradled in his brother's arms.

*************************

The next morning Matt awoke first. He couldn't understand why he didn't have any bedcovers until he looked over at his little brother curled tightly within the soft covers, and the events of the previous night came flooding back to him. He checked his watch; it was nine in the morning. They'd got the day off, so Jeff would be able to sleep for as long as he liked, as long as he needed to.

His mind went over what had happened. Jeff had seemed to be coping better over the last few months, now all of that had been destroyed. When he'd started the relationship with Jay, Matt had been wary, but Jeff had wanted to attempt a normal relationship. He'd insisted on taking it slow - Jay knew what had happened and had accepted that. Until last night. Matt had suspected that Jay wasn't as sincere as he had seemed, but Jeff had already been hurt, so now it was too late for just suspicion.

His train of thought was disturbed by Jeff moving and stretching. The younger man looked over at his brother, his bottom lip trembling as he remembered what happened the night before.

"It's OK baby." Matt pulled his little brother over to him, noting that Jeff was still fully dressed, in his baggy jeans and a silver T-shirt. Matt allowed himself a smile. His little brother was gorgeous but he never realized it. He had always had low self-esteem, and then what had happened to him had made him worse. He couldn't believe that people loved him, but everyone did.

"Thank you for looking after me." Jeff whispered, resting his head on his brother's broad shoulder.

"Anytime sweetie." Matt stroked his hair. "I'd do anything for you, we all would. Sean, Adam, Essa, Chris."

Did you tell them?" Jeff's wide eyes filled with tears. "I don't want them to know. I don't want them to hate Jay."

"I told Chris, but I made him promise that he wouldn't tell anyone else. He's promised not to do anything. We'll do whatever you want." Matt knew that he had to give Jeff control of the situation, so that he didn't feel overwhelmed.

"Do you think I should talk to Jay?" Jeff asking for advice outright like this was a rare occasion. He must have been really shaken up.

Matt looked at him, a little surprised. "Do you want to?"

"I don't know." Jeff's eyes were wide and innocent. "I mean, I want to know why. I want to know if he's just been using me. But… I'm scared that when I see him again he'll hurt me."

"Do you want me to be there with you?" Matt asked. In one way he hoped that Jeff said no because he was sure that he'd punch Jay as soon as he saw him.

"No, this is something I have to do on my own." Jeff was determined now, although still a little scared.

Jeff got the opportunity sooner than he expected, because there was a knock at the door. He tensed in Matt's arms, but nodded that he could answer the door.

A shame faced Jay stood and looked at Matt, half expecting the older Hardy to punch him, or at least tell him to leave. Instead, Matt looked at Jeff, who nodded slightly.

"Shall I stay?" He wanted to now, to make sure his little brother was OK.

"No Matt, I'll be fine." Jeff was trying to put strength in his voice, but Matt could tell how frightened he was. Reluctantly Matt left, leaving Jay standing in the middle of the room, and Jeff sat on the bed, his hands around his legs pensively.

Jay spoke first. "Jeff, I'm sorry. I was drunk; I never should have done that. I'm so, so sorry."

Jeff tried to remain calm and confident. "Do you know how much you've hurt me?"

"I know, and I'm sorry." Jay moved closer to the bed. "I never meant to hurt you. I was drunk."

"But, what you said to me… you've thought about it before, haven't you?" Jeff hoped to god that Jay would say no, praying that he hadn't misjudged him.

The Canadian looked at Jeff, and the younger Hardy just knew. "Why, Jay? You know what happened to me. Are you surprised that I don't want to have sex?"

"But Jeff that was six months ago. I wish you'd trust me." Jay tried to take Jeff's hand.

The younger man pulled his hand away in shock. He was shaking. "Don't touch me… I don't trust you anymore. You hurt me. I can't trust you. Leave me alone. We're through."

A change came over Jay. Suddenly he was exactly like he was the night before. He leaned in very close to Jeff, the younger man recoiling in fear. "Jeff, I waited six months for you. You could have sex now, you're ready, but you're just a tease. A little slut who deserved everything he got before and sure as hell everything he's gonna get. Every one feels sorry for you, but they don't know what you are. A tramp who was asking for it. For six months I did everything for you. Listen to you cry yourself to sleep, coped with your nightmares, stopped you cutting yourself. Damn right I wanted something in return. I shouldn't have bothered. I should have let you die. But I didn't so you owe me Jeff. Remember that. I'll make sure you pay."

"Fuck off." Under the circumstances it was about all Jeff could manage to say without bursting into tears.

"Fine, remember Jeff, I can have you anytime I choose, and this time I'll make sure it's far, far worse." Jay sauntered out of the door, passing Matt in the hallway and telling him "You can go in now" in an incredibly smug voice.

Matt was immediately concerned, and ran into his room. "Jeffie?" He saw his little brother sit on the bed, rocking himself gently, and silent tears streaming down his cheeks. "Jeffie, what's happened? Baby, it's OK, just tell me what happened."

He went to embrace Jeff, but the younger Hardy pulled himself away. "No." he almost screamed. "Don't touch me. I'm bad, I'm dirty. It was my fault. I'm dirty, it was my fault."

"Baby no." Matt's reassurances were no use so he put his hands on Jeff's shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. "Jeffie it is not your fault. Whatever Jay said to you, it is not your fault, it isn't true. You're not dirty or bad."

"But he said… Mattie… I'm dirty… it was my fault… I'm a tease and that's why… before… why he hurt me." Even now Jeff couldn't articulate the fact that he had been raped.

"No, no." Matt almost shook his little brother. "Jeffie that is not true. Shawn… he was a sick man… his is a sick man. But what he did to you… it was not your fault. You did not ask to be raped and you did not deserve to be raped."

"Then why did Jay say that I did?" Jeff asked innocently.

"Jay's fucked up too." What else could Matt tell him? "He was probably just trying to hurt you baby. I promise that he was lying, it wasn't your fault."

Finally Jeff started to cry properly, almost falling into Matt's arms. "Mattie, what he said… it was like… it was like being raped all over again."

"Oh Jeffie." Tears ran down Matt's cheeks too. "Baby I'm sorry, I should have been there. I should have protected you. I'm sorry, I failed you again angel."

"It's not your fault." Jeff sniffed. "I love you, you helped me. I couldn't have managed without you."

"Really?" Matt studied his brother's face. "I just feel so guilty. You keep getting hurt and I can't do anything."

"You help me. You keep me sane." Jeff sighed and wriggled off the bed. "I'm going for a shower."

*******************

Jeff stood under the almost scalding water, but it didn't soothe him any. A thousand and one images flew through his mind: things he wanted to forget, had tried to hard to forget. Him. Then Jay. How could he make the pain go away? How could he deal with the agony? His eyes focused on the razor on the shelf. It had been a while. But after him it had made the pain go away. It had helped. He'd only stopped doing it because Jay had told him it wasn't doing him any good. That it wouldn't solve anything. Jay. What the fuck did Jay know? What did he know about making it stop hurting? All he knew was how to make it hurt even worse. Fuck it. It didn't hurt anyone else. It made him feel better.

Slowly, Jeff picked up the blade. Tentatively at first, he traced patterns on his arms, pressing more and more deeply until the blade was covered in blood, and Jeff's upper arm was covered with a myriad of cuts. At first, it hurt like hell, but if Jeff really tried, he could concentrate on that pain until it was like there was nothing else in the world. It was almost exquisite.

"Jeffie? Are you OK?" Matt shouted from outside the bathroom door, and the younger man quickly put the blade away and washed the blood from his arm, drying off and pulling on a long sleeved T-shirt and a pair of jeans.

"I'm fine." Jeff looked his brother straight in the eye and to Matt he did seem a little calmer, although the older Hardy didn't know why. "I don't want to tell the others about what happened. I'll talk to Chris though. I just want to forget it."

"Sure." Matt could definitely understand that sentiment. "But what are we gonna go about Jay?"

The threat came back into Jeff's mind. 'It'll be worse than before'. An involuntary shiver went down his spine. "I don't know. I… I just want to stay away from him."

""OK. We can help you do that. Shall we go and see what the others are doing today? We might as well use our day off." Matt squeezed his brother's hand reassuringly.

Jeff nodded. "Sure, yeah." Suddenly that new-found confidence was gone again. What if he was there?

"OK, I'm going for a shower. Will you be OK?"

Once Matt had gone, Jeff pulled up his sleeves and looked at the cuts. The blood had clotted and the lines looked raw and painful. Jeff closed his eyes and savored the feeling, until Jay came into his mind.

Jay. Jeff didn't even want to see him. It was like; he knew how to reduce Jeff to jelly with one word. He knew how to terrify the young man. Would Jeff always let Jay have that power over him? How could he get away from it? How could Jay…?

Jeff must have known all along. Must have known not to trust him. If he'd trusted Jay, he'd have told him what actually happened that day. Have told him that it was his own fault. No matter what Matt and the others had said, Jeff truly believed that it was his own fault that he had been raped. That was why he'd cut himself the first time. To punish himself. Then he'd realized how good it felt, and it became a form of release.

That was one thing he hated about being alone. Having no one to confide in. Sure, he had Matt, but he didn't need to hear all this. Jeff knew Matt too well. He'd be angry… their relationship would never be the same.

"Ready Jeff?" Matt wandered out of the bathroom fully dressed and ready to go. "I think everyone is in Adam's room."

Jeff couldn't help but instinctively look out for Jay as he walked down the corridor, shivering slightly. Matt squeezed his hand reassuringly, checking Jeff was OK before he knocked on the door.

Adam flung open the door. "Hey guys, come in." Jeff scanned the room nervously. Jay wasn't there.

"Jeffie!" Essa jumped up and ran over to his friend. "You OK?"

The younger Hardy hugged the young Mexican. "Hey Essa. I'm OK." He said in an almost resigned voice.

No one asked what happened. Matt guessed that they'd probably been lectured by Chris. Instead they all sat around lazily, just like normal, although Jeff was jumpy, flinching every time he heard a strange noise.

The younger Hardy lay on the bed, propped up on his elbows, watching TV. Matt was deep in conversation with Sean, and Essa and Adam were reading a magazine together. Chris watched his young friend still concerned. The Canadian was amazed at how well Jeff was dealing with things. Casually he lay on the bed next to Jeff.

"You're coping really well." He whispered so that the others couldn't hear. "Or at least you look like you are."

Jeff smiled slightly. "You think? I guess I always was a good actor."

"Wanna talk about it?" Chris was concerned, so he figured he may as well be direct.

"Will you listen?" Jeff had to be sure that he really would listen and not just react like Matt always did.

Chris nodded and stood up. "Do you want to go somewhere quieter? Or we could stay here, if you'd rather be in a big group, you know." He chewed a nail nervously.

"No, it's OK; we'll go to my room." Jeff was a little scared. He wanted to trust Chris. "Mattie, we're going to my room." He announced to his brother nervously. The dark haired wrestler looked up, concerned, but agreed when he saw the somewhat determined look on his brother's face.

"C'mon Chris." Jeff wanted to go now, before he lost his nerve.

When they got to the room Chris noted how much more comfortable Jeff was amongst his own things. He looked like he felt safer. The younger wrestler had positioned himself on the bed, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees.

"I guess you want to know what happened." Jeff's green eyes followed Chris' every move as the Canadian seated himself at the end of the bed, directly facing Jeff.

"If you want to tell me." Chris' eyes were filled with concern. "If you don't want to go through it again you don't have to tell me anything."

Jeff squeezed his eyes tightly shut. "I… I'll tell you. Just… don't interrupt me cos I want to get it all out in one go. I'm gonna tell you…stuff I haven't told Matt. And I want… I want you to promise that you won't get angry, cos Matt always gets angry. Promise me." He looked up, questioning.

"OK. If you're sure you want to tell me, I promise I won't get angry."

Jeff took a deep breath and began. "Over the past few weeks Jay's changed. He… he'd get these mood swings. Sometimes he'd ignore me… like I thought I'd done something wrong. He'd… he's been pressuring me to do stuff that I'm not ready for. But before… if I said no he'd eventually accept it. Then last night… in that bar… when I said no he tried to force it… I was so scared… then he must have been disturbed cos he left… and you all found me. Then… this morning he came to see me. Matt left us alone and we talked… at first he was real apologetic… then I said that I didn't trust him… and he changed… and he told me… I didn't tell Matt this… he said that he… he was gonna rape me and it would be worse than before. Chris… I'm so scared. I couldn't handle going through that again. I couldn't." He started sobbing into his hands.

"Oh Jeff." Chris scooted over the bed to embrace his friend. "It's OK. I won't let him hurt you. You won't have to go through that again."

"But how can I stop it?" Jeff's angelic face looked up at Chris. "Even if you guys say you'll stay with me… won't leave me on my own… you don't want me around you all the time. I don't want to be a burden on your lives; I'm already a burden to Matt."

"Jeff Hardy listen to me." Chris tried to make his voice firm. "You are not a burden to Matt. He loves you. And you are not a burden to us, cos we all love you too. We don't want to see you get hurt again."

"Really?" Jeff's voice was soft. "Why? Lots of people seem to want to hurt me. Why are you all different?"

"Because we're your friends. We love you cos you're a wonderful person."

"Chris?" Jeff almost smiled through his tears. "Thank you. You didn't have to listen to all of this. You didn't have to be there for me."

Chris stroked Jeff's hair back from his face affectionately. "Yes I did. And I'm gonna make sure that Jay stays away from you. I don't know what's made him change the way he has, but I'll do anything I can to protect you from him."

"Chris… I wish I'd have talked to you six months ago." Jeff murmured, his head resting on the Canadian's shoulder.

"I wish we had too baby. I'd never have hurt you like Jay did." Chris hardly realized he'd said the words until he saw Jeff's face in front of him.

"Chris… I wish I was good enough for you." Jeff studied the Canadian's face for a moment then turned away. "I wish I was a better person… then maybe we could be together… but I'm a bad person… so we can't."

"Why do you think you're a bad person?" Chris was more than a little concerned at this.

"I am. Don't ask me why. I… I don't want you to hate me. But I am." Jeff sniffed, curling up on the bed and hiding his face from Chris.

"Jeffie?" Chris knelt by the side of the bed and looked up at the younger man. "I don't know what's happened… why you think you're a bad person… but I only know you as a good person, and that's all I care about."

"Don't be nice to me Chris. I don't deserve it." Jeff looked up at him. "Promise me… you won't mention this to anyone, especially Matt."

"If you make me a promise." Chris bargained. "Promise me that… you'll think about talking to me about this."

Jeff considered for a moment then nodded. "OK."

Chris agreed with this for now, but he was still concerned. The way Jeff felt, he just wished he could do something about it. Maybe in time. "Come on kid, let's go back to the others." Chris brightened his voice, holding out his hand, so that Jeff could pull himself up. Then, instinctively, the younger man threw his arms around Chris' neck and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you Chris, thank you so much."

Chris hugged him back. And for that moment, Jeff felt completely safe.

********************

Over the next few days Chris and Matt endeavored to keep Jeff away from Jay as much as possible, but it got to Monday night, and Raw. There was no way they could avoid each other.

Matt lay in bed that Sunday night, listening to Jeff toss and turn, sniffling and trying not to cry.

"Jeffie?" Matt's voice rang clear in the silent room. "You OK baby?"

"No."

"Do you want me to come over to you?" Always, ever since they were kids, if one of them was upset, they'd lie in bed together until they felt better.

"Please."

Silently Matt padded over to Jeff's bed. Jeff pulled the cover back and Matt laid down beside him, slipping his arms around his shoulders. "It's OK… if you want to cry, you can, I don't mind sweetie."

"I'm scared Matt." Jeff started sobbing into his brother's shoulder. "I'm so frightened. He'll hurt me."

"He won't baby. I won't let him. Chris won't let him." Matt stroked his brother's hair tenderly. "And when you do see him, we'll be right there beside you, I promise."

"Don't leave me tonight. Please Mattie." That was the closest Jeff had ever got to begging.

"I won't leave you sweetie. You go to sleep and I'll stay right here." Obediently Jeff closed his eyes and was soon asleep. Matt watched him for a little while then went to sleep himself. Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day.

Chris met up with the brothers before they set off to the arena. "You two ready?"

Both nodded, although Jeff was less confident. In the car Chris tried to keep the conversation light, by indulging in his favorite pastime, gossiping.

"So Matt." He stirred. "Tell me about you and Sean."

Matt turned a bright shade of red and even Jeff smiled. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I've seen the way you two look at each other. Who's gonna make the first move?" Chris asked teasingly.

"Go on Mattie. You'd make such a nice couple." Matt blushed as his little brother got in on the teasing.

"Well, maybe. Does he really like me? I don't want to make a fool of myself." Matt the ever confident was actually nervous.

"Just go for it." Chris and Jeff both agreed.

As they arrived at the arena everyone went quiet and Jeff tensed. Chris and Matt both flung arms around his waist and made their way into the building. Jeff spotted Jay first, and stopped in his tracks. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can. We're right here by your side." Chris squeezed his friend's waist.

Jay spotted the trio and sauntered over. "Hello little Jeff. And how are you today?"

"I… I'm OK."

"Pleased to hear it." Jay smirked. "Now remember what I said Jeffie. I certainly haven't forgotten. I'm looking forward to it."

"Fuck you Jay." Chris spat, causing the wrestler known as Christian to giggle.

"Touchy, aren't you Chris." Jay blew them a kiss and wandered off.

"Fuck. Oh fuck." Jeff almost collapsed into Matt's arms.

"Shh. It'll be OK. What was that all about?" Matt demanded.

"He was just messing with my head." Jeff recovered enough to say, shooting Chris a look to make sure he didn't say anything. "I… I'm OK."

"Are you sure?" Neither Matt nor Chris was convinced.

Jeff nodded, and stayed calm long enough to make it through that night's show, although when he got back to the hotel it was a different matter.

"I'm going for a shower." Jeff announced after Matt and Chris had escorted him back to the hotel room. As the younger man locked himself in the bathroom, the other two made themselves comfortable.

"Jeff coped really well today." Matt observed. "I'm really proud of him."

"Yeah, he seemed really strong." The Canadian replied non-commitally, suspecting that Jeff was putting on a brave act for his brother's benefit.

"What are we gonna do about Jay? I mean, why is he suddenly being like this?" Matt's eyebrows furrowed until they almost met. "For all those months he was so good to Jeff, then suddenly this. I don't get it."

Chris knew full well that it wasn't a sudden change, but he'd promised Jeff, so he wasn't about to break that confidence. "Matt, do you think Adam might know? I mean, if something's happened in his personal life, with his family? They tag together, and they've always been fairly close.

The dark-haired wrestler nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe. I'm gonna go talk to Adam. If I go now I'm early enough so that I won't disturb him and Essa any." They both laughed. "Will you tell Jeff where I've gone?"

"Sure."

In the bathroom Jeff couldn't hear the talking over the sound of the shower, and he didn't want to. He didn't need any distractions. All he needed was to concentrate on the pain as he traced patterns on his arm. When it hurt really badly he reminded himself that he deserved it. Then, clinically, he washed the blood away, and dressed, in his now customary long-sleeved T-shirt and sweat pants.

He'd got through today. He'd managed, with none of the others noticing anything was wrong. Thank god for the pantyhose he wore on his arms. They covered the scars, hid them from everyone, including Matt. Bracing himself, Jeff ventured into the room.

"Where's Matt?" He asked as his eyes cast over the room. There was concern in his voice.

"He's OK Jeff. He's gone to talk to Adam." Chris said in a deliberately calm voice.

"Oh." Perturbed, Jeff sat down on the bed, not really sure of what to do.

"You should tell him about Jay threatening you." Chris and Jeff had always been able to be completely direct with each other. "He'll understand."

"No he won't. He… he'll want to beat him up… and I can't be the cause of that." The calmness that Jeff had gained from his self abuse was fading quickly.

"Are you sure that's how Matt will react?" Chris looked at Jeff, sensing the change in him, from a vague confidence to a nervous wreck.

Jeff nodded frantically. "When… before… he… he hurt me… Matt beat him… put him in hospital…he got hurt because of me… despite everything… he didn't deserve that."

"Jeff? Will you talk to me?" Chris knelt at Jeff's feet and looked up into his emerald eyes. "You have all these things going on in your head that are hurting you, and I want to help you…. But you have to talk to me. Will you do that?"

"Chris… I want to." Jeff began, then fell silent, trying to avoid Chris' gaze. "I want to tell you everything. But if I do, then you'll hate me. I don't want you to hate me. I like you too much for that to happen."

"Jeffie I won't." Chris took Jeff's hands. It was a testament to how much Jeff thought of Chris that he accepted the physical contact when they were alone. "I promise I could never hate you."

"I don't want Matt to know any of it. If I tell you, he must never know, you mustn't tell him."

"OK baby." Chris squeezed the younger man's hands. "It's all up to you. Whatever you want to do, I'll accept that."

They sat in silence, waiting for Matt to return.

****************************

Matt walked to Adam's room with a sense of purpose. He hated seeing his little brother this way. He knew that Jeff was hiding stuff from him, and hated the thought of that, but he didn't know what else to do. If he could get some answers this way, it might help.

"Adam, can I talk to you?" The tall blond nodded and allowed Matt into the room.

Essa was in the bathroom. He poked his head around the door and smiled at the older Hardy. "You and Jeff OK?" he asked hopefully. Matt nodded.

"So what's up?" Adam sat down and motioned for Matt to do the same.

"I've been thinking about Jay, and how he's changed." At the mention of him the atmosphere went cold, even though Adam didn't know what had happened.

"Me too." Adam admitted. "I don't know, he's really changed. I don't know what it is."

"Has anything happened?" Matt tried to think of reasons. "Is it something important, like in his family or something?"

The blond shook his head. "I don't think so. I really can't think of anything. We used to be close, but recently it's been nothing."

"Oh well." Matt stood up. "Thanks anyway."

"Look after Jeff, won't you?" Adam hugged his smaller friend. "And yourself too. Don't neglect yourself."

"See you. Bye Essa." Matt raised his voice slightly, and heard a vague response.

When the older Hardy got back to his room, he shot Chris a look as if to say, no luck. He was surprised by his little brother.

"Matt, I'm gonna go to Chris' room. Will you be OK?"

"Sure kid." He didn't show his true emotions. "I could go and see what Sean is up to I guess."

Jeff smiled. "Good. I don't expect to see you back here tonight them. I know how you feel about Sean, so go for it. Don't worry about me, Chris can stay here, he can have your bed."

"I guess so." Chris and Jeff left.

Matt wasn't going to pretend that he wasn't hurt that his brother was confiding in someone else. He loved Jeff more than anything, and would do absolutely anything for him. But he knew that Jeff needed to do things his own way, and as long as he was confiding in someone, and had someone to look after him, it was all he could do.

Now onto his own relationship. Or his hopes for a relationship. Here went nothing. Matt picked up the phone.

"Hi Sean? It's Matt."

"Hey Matt." Sean sounded pleased to hear from him. "You OK?"

"Yeah. I'm not doing anything much. Do you want to go out for a drink?" Matt held his breath.

"Um… I don't really want to drink but why don't you come to my room? We can watch movies or whatever."

Matt smiled, and wondered what 'whatever' might be. "Sure, I'll be round in a minute."

Nerves hit for a moment. Matt had never been confident when it came to dating. Normally he had Jeff to tell him everything was going to be OK. But he would be fine. He would be.

Steeling himself, he made his way to Sean's room.

**************************

"Make yourself comfortable Jeff." Chris ordered, sweeping the clothes that were scattered on the bed and chairs into a big pile on the floor. "Sorry about that."

Jeff hardly noticed. He just sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the wall.

"You don't have to sit there baby." Chris put his hand out to help Jeff up, but the younger man shook his head. Chris grabbed a cushion and sat in front of him. He said nothing: he didn't want to pressure Jeff any.

After a period of silence, Jeff spoke. "Chris… I'm gonna tell you everything. You can condemn me, tell me I've done wrong, but please don't hate me, anything but that."

"OK." Chris chewed on a nail nervously. Suddenly he worried that he wouldn't be able to handle whatever it was that Jeff was about to tell him.

"Here goes. The day before I was raped… I'd been talking to Shawn… he was giving me all these compliments and shit about how I was the new HBK, and I was just loving it. He was playing with my hair and saying how coloring it was a good idea and all that. Then, the next day, he invited me round to his hotel room to talk about mic techniques. I went round, and he was doing the same as before, you know, compliments, kind of flirting. He was only wearing a towel most of the time. Then… then he kissed me. I pulled away. I told him I was flattered, but I never saw him in that way.

"He got really angry then. Told me I was a little tease. That I should have known what he wanted, that I was a slut who was begging for it, playing hard to get. I tried to leave and he hit me, then… then he raped me. I couldn't fight him… maybe I didn't try hard enough. Afterwards he beat me up some more. He said I deserved it… he said I was dirty… a dirty little slut… who deserved everything I got." Jeff wiped his eyes. "I was to blame. I asked to be raped. I go to the guy's room… and I don't expect anything? He was flirting and I should have known what he wanted. It was my fault… he was right to expect something from me. Cos… before that… I had a reputation… I'd dated loads of people… he could only expect that I'd be an easy fuck, like everyone says I am. But I was beaten so badly… Matt found me and asked what happened… I had to tell him. If Shawn hadn't beaten me so badly I wouldn't have told anyone what happened cos he didn't deserve all the trouble, when it was all my fault. I mean, Matt beat up Shawn because of me. Matt got into trouble, Shawn got put in hospital, all because I didn't have the guts to tell them that I deserved it.

"After that Matt looked after me, but I couldn't tell him all of this, so my mind got all churned up inside and I just wanted… I wanted to punish myself… so I started cutting myself… at first it was punishment but then I realized that it felt so good, it made me feel better. When I got with Jay he found out about it and made me stop. He said it wasn't doing me any good.

"With Jay, it was like he was someone who I could cry to… who would comfort me no matter what. I was so selfish. I took everything from that relationship and gave him nothing in return. That's probably why he got frustrated and tried to rape me. He… he said that I was ready, and was just a tease - I guess I was. I'd share a bed with the guy, but expect him not to do anything? I don't know why I didn't give him what he wanted. That was my fault too, and now you all hate Jay because of me." For the first time, Jeff looked up at Chris. "You hate me, don't you?"

"Oh Jeffie." Chris moved toward the younger man and put his arms around him. "I don't hate you baby. I promise I don't."

"Why? I hate myself." Jeff pulled away. "I'm scum Chris."

"No Jeff. I've listened to you. Now you are gonna listen to me, OK?" Chris' voice was commanding, so Jeff nodded. "First off, it didn't matter how many people you dated, Shawn still had no right to do what he did. If you said no, he should have respected that. You had no reason to think Shawn was showing anything more than a professional interest in you. And he had no reason to expect anything from you. You made it clear you weren't interested and he should have respected your decision.

"Baby you are not a slut. Shawn was just trying to hurt you, and so was Jay. Those people, their opinions aren't worth anything. They deserved everything they got; you didn't deserve any of it. You are a good person Jeff, who has a lot of friends who love you dearly.

As for Jay, I don't know what's going on in his head, but he treated you badly. He went into that relationship knowing that you needed support. He shouldn't have asked for anything in return, and you shouldn't have felt obliged to do anything for him. I think, that deep down, you didn't trust him. If you'd have trusted him, you'd have been able to confide in him.

Jeff, if you don't believe anything else I say, believe this. You are not to blame for anything that happened to you." Chris had tears falling down his cheeks. It was heartbreaking that Jeff's mind could have been messed around with so much. That such a gorgeous person should hate himself so much.

"I'm sorry. I made you cry." Jeff's small voice whispered in his friend's ear.

Chris put his arms around Jeff, and this time the younger man didn't pull away. "I don't care about that Jeff. I just wish that you'd believe me when I say you're not to blame."

"I think I do." That was the hardest thing Jeff had ever had to say.

"Oh little Jeffie." Chris sighed. "It'll be OK. I'll take care of you."

"Why? I come with lots of trouble; I always have and probably always will." Jeff studied Chris' eyes for any sign of doubt. He saw none.

"I don't care. I think you're worth it." The Canadian rested Jeff's head on his shoulder. "I know it won't be easy, but I just want you to learn to love yourself as much as everyone loves you."

"I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to hate myself." Jeff admitted. "Will you help me?"

"Yes. Baby, can I ask you something?" Chris lifted Jeff's chin so that he could stare straight into his eyes. "Do you still cut yourself now?"

The younger Hardy bit his lip nervously and nodded.

"Oh Jeffie." This would be Chris' first challenge. Jeff pulled off his T-shirt to reveal the cuts and scars. The Canadian gasped in shock. "Baby, I… I don't know what to say."

"If you don't want me because of this… if I'm too ugly, it's OK."

"Jeff don't say that, you're not ugly. You're gorgeous." Chris couldn't believe that Jeff couldn't see that. "This doesn't make you ugly baby. It's just… it must hurt you so much, and I can't bear the thought of you being in pain. Look…" He took a deep breath and composed what he was going to say. "I'm not gonna tell you you're wrong for doing this, that you can't do it. Just, I'm asking that you make it a last resort. Talk to me, talk to Matt, and if neither of us can help you, and you can see no other way, I won't stop you cutting yourself."

"OK, I can do that." Jeff seemed relieved. "When Jay found out he told me I had to stop, but… I couldn't talk to him, so my mind was still all churned up inside."

"You can always talk to me."

Jeff nodded. He felt happier than he had done in a long time, safe in Chris' arms.

*************************

Matt and Sean sat watching movies both laid on Sean's bed. Watching wasn't exactly an accurate description, chatting through them would be better.

"How are you coping?" Sean asked suddenly, fixing Matt with an intense stare.

"I'm OK." Matt stammered, surprised. "I guess."

"Really?" Sean cocked an eyebrow skeptically. "You give the impression that you're OK, but I think the reality is somewhat different."

"It's just that I don't know what I can do for Jeff. He won't confide in me. I'm there for him, but I can't do anything. I see him tearing himself up inside and I can't help him. Before, throughout everything I could protect him. But since Shawn, I haven't been able to do anything. And I know it sounds selfish, but it hurts. And I'm scared that if he doesn't tell someone soon what's going on in his mind, it's all gonna explode." Sean expected Matt to confide in him, but not this emotional outburst. It pleased him that his friend trusted him so much.

He considered for a while, and then spoke quietly but forcefully. "How you feel is completely understandable. But I think Jeff will be OK." Matt looked up, surprised. "He'll confide in Chris. I've seen the way they are together. They'll be OK; Chris will make sure of it. He really cares for Jeff. Jeff's lucky to have someone to care for him and you have someone too."

"You care for me?" Matt smiled shyly.

Sean grinned. "I care a hell of a lot for you." He kissed the older Hardy gently. "And you mean a hell of a lot to me."

Matt returned the kiss. "I really like you Sean. I've never been too good at saying how I feel, but I know that I feel something special for you."

"You don't need to say anything. Just kiss me again."

***************************

"Jeff, I'm gonna leave our relationship entirely to you." Chris told the man in his arms carefully. "I mean, I'm not gonna pressure you into anything. We can take everything at your pace. I'll do anything you want me to."

"OK." Jeff's angelic face almost broke into a smile. He looked to Chris so innocent and naïve. "Thank you. I'm not saying… it's gonna be easy, but if you really mean that… I think I can get through it. But I don't want to be selfish like I was with Jay." Chris went to argue with this opinion but Jeff stopped him. "If anything is wrong, if you need anything, I want you to tell me. I… I really like you and I don't want us to mess up."

"You are the most amazingly gorgeous person I've ever known. But don't ever think you were selfish with Jay. I promise you weren't." Chris wanted to hold Jeff in his arms until he was happy again.

The Canadian stood up and held out his hand to help Jeff up. This time he took it. "It was getting a little uncomfortable down there, don't you think?"

"Will you come back to my room with me?" Chris knew how much it took for Jeff to ask that. How brave it was. How it showed that Jeff was starting to trust him.

"Sure sweetie, let me just grab some clothes."

*************************

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Sean lay next to Matt on the bed, resting his head on the older Hardy's broad shoulders. "If you want to go back to Jeff I don't mind."

"He's with Chris. They said that I should stay with you." Matt admitted. "They knew how much I like you."

"You talked about me?" Sean laughed. "I'm flattered. But I'm glad too. I do really like you Matt, I'd like for us to work out."

*************************

"Babe, if I'm awkward around you, it's not because you've done anything wrong, it's just that I want to do what's best for you, and sometimes I'm not too sure what that is." Chris explained as he sat on Matt's bed, watching Jeff as he hurriedly tidied the room, throwing clothes into an open suitcase. "And quit worrying. You're about as messy as I am."

Relieved, Jeff looked up and smiled sweetly. "Chris, I don't want you to be nervous around me. I want this to be a proper relationship." He finally sat down next to the Canadian, at an angle so that he could see into his blue eyes. Tentatively he lifted up a small hand with perfectly painted black nails and touched Chris' face. Then he removed his hands and sighed.

"I wish I wasn't so scared to touch you in this way. Well, it's not you that I'm afraid of. I'm just afraid. I mean, in my heart I believe that you'll never hurt me, but I just can't reconcile that with anything else. When you hold me, I feel so safe. I wish I could do more than that, than just put my arms around you. I can't, and I'm sorry."

"Sweetie you don't have to apologize for anything. It's OK. If you like, I'll just hold you for as long as you need me to." The look in Chris' eyes was so tender, Jeff almost melted, and he fell into his arms. They remained that way for what seemed like hours, and Jeff felt safe enough to close his eyes as he rested his head on Chris' shoulder. Chris just felt so protective and content. If he wasn't such a cynic he would swear that he was in love with Jeff.

His thoughts were disturbed when Jeff disentangled himself from Chris' arms and sat back on the bed.

"Wanna sit and watch TV?" he had a cheeky smile on his face that made him look about fifteen. Chris nodded and moved so that he was half sat, half laid on the bed, leaning against the wall. Jeff jumped off the bed and rummaged in his bag, returning clutching a teddy bear. He looked kind of embarrassed, but held it close to him nonetheless.

Chris raised his eyebrows, but not in a cruel way. "He's cute."

The younger man blushed. "When I was a kid, I had a teddy bear that I'd sleep with when I was upset. Matt got me this one after Shawn." Seeing Chris' tender smile, Jeff felt comfortable and seated himself next to the Canadian and rested his head on his chest, pulling Chris' arm around his shoulder.

"Comfortable?" Chris asked. Jeff looked up through a few strands of red hair and nodded, grabbing the remote from Chris' hand and flicking through channels until he found a movie that he wanted to see.

They sat in silence, both stealing shy looks at the other. For Jeff, this was absolute heaven. Complete safety and security. For Chris, Jeff seemed happy and that was all he could ask for. It was so cute, the way he clutched the teddy bear close to him.

Jeff yawned, and snuggled closer to Chris' body.

"Tired baby?" The older wrestler asked softly. "You can go to bed if you want."

"You don't mind? I'm not very good company I'm afraid." Jeff frowned slightly.

"It's OK. You go to sleep." Much as Chris didn't want to let go, he did, sitting up and stretching.

"Thank you." Jeff knelt in front of Chris and kissed his cheek then jumped off the bed and walked over to his own. Chris turned away to allow Jeff to undress in privacy. His mind was spinning, he felt elated that Jeff had shown so much trust in him; he wished he could make it all better.

Jeff slipped into bed wearing just his boxers. He felt safe like this, knowing that Chris wouldn't attempt to make a move on him. It felt good to have told Chris everything, although he didn't exactly believe him when he said he wasn't to blame.

Chris undressed and slipped into bed then leaned over to switch off the light. "Night Jeffie."

"Night Chris." The Canadian heard Jeff move to get comfortable. "Thank you."

Chris made himself comfortable, but didn't close his eyes just yet. He'd learned so much about Jeff today, the information had almost broken his heart. Even if his relationship with Jeff never progressed any further than this, he just wanted Jeff to believe in himself, to care for himself as much as everyone else did.

He mused at how naïve the young man was. Despite everything that had happened to him, he still tended to believe people when they criticized him, even when they were untrustworthy people like Jay. And bastards like him had told him so often how bad he was, when someone complimented him he didn't know how to take it. He didn't believe it.

Chris' mind was still whirling when his thoughts were disturbed.

"Chris?" Jeff's voice was nervous and unsure, and his bed creaked as he sat up, on the edge of the bed.

"Are you OK babe?" Chris turned over to face Jeff's bed, and saw the outline of his body in the moonlight that fell through the thin hotel curtains.

"Yeah… no… I don't know." Chris could just make out Jeff's frown. "Can I come lie with you?"

"If you want to baby." Chris was surprised to say the least. Even more so when he heard Jeff's soft footsteps pad over to his bed.

"Will you hold me please?" Jeff's voice was tearful and childlike. "I don't want to be alone." It was so endearing the way he was still clutching the teddy bear.

"If you're sure." Chris didn't want Jeff to think that he had to.

Jeff got into bed beside Chris, and put his arms around him, a move that the older man quickly reciprocated.

"Don't let go of me." He asked. "I'm frightened."

"I won't let anyone hurt you baby." Chris reassured.

"Promise?"

"I promise sweetie. Who are you afraid of?" Chris caressed Jeff's face tenderly and was pleased that the younger man didn't flinch.

"Jay, Shawn, everyone who's ever hurt me." Jeff whispered, moving closer to Chris' warm body, still clutching his teddy bear.

"I won't let anyone else hurt you baby. You'll be safe with me, always." Chris wanted to kill every person who'd ever hurt the poor boy in his arms. "Now close your eyes. I promise I'll still be here when you wake up."

Obediently Jeff closed his eyes and was soon asleep. The peaceful look on his face was angelic, filling Chris' heart with joy.

**********************

Sean watched Matt sleep. He couldn't believe it was finally happening, they were finally together. He'd liked Matt for as long as he could remember, but he had been wary of making a move while Jeff had all that trouble. And it had hit Sean hard that his former lover could have actually raped that poor kid. He knew Shawn had a temper and he felt kind of guilty because the act of rape hadn't surprised him. He just thought that if anyone was ever raped by Shawn, it would be him, not Jeff. When Matt had beaten Shawn, he had been desperate to help.

Matt moved lightly and Sean looked at him tenderly. He was so beautiful. Sean suspected that Matt might sometimes feel neglected because Jeff got a lot of media attention, but he felt that Matt was incredibly beautiful and had an inner strength that he loved. Matt moved closer to Sean in his sleep, and the wrestler known as X Pac sighed and finally closed his eyes.

*********************

Jeff awoke first, and jumped involuntarily when he felt someone's arms around him, waking Chris. Then he realized where he was and stopped shaking.

"I'm sorry Chris; I didn't mean to wake you." Jeff whispered, slipping his arms back round the Canadian.

"Don't worry baby." It had taken Chris a while to work out what was happening too. "Did I scare you?"

"No… I just didn't know where I was." Jeff still sounded a little disconcerted.

"Not used to waking up with someone?" Chris figured it was hardly surprising that Jeff should be nervous.

"Well…" The younger man allowed himself a smile. "If me and Matt ever share a bed… he moves around so much he ends up on the other side of the bed. I'm not used to someone keeping their arms around me when I ask them to."

Chris glanced at the clock. 7.00 AM. "Do you always wake this early?" He asked, yawning.

"No." Jeff frowned. "Is it really only seven? Matt normally has to drag me out of bed. Speaking of Matt, it looks like he had a good night." He giggled mischievously.

"They make a nice couple, don't they?" Chris murmured. "I think they'll be happy together."

"I hope so." Jeff looked thoughtful for a second. "It's about time Matt looked after himself for once. He's done nothing but worry about me for the last six months, now it's time for him to be happy."

"Who's gonna worry about you now then?" The Canadian looked at Jeff with a half smile.

"You are." That was the most confident Chris had ever heard Jeff sound. "That is if you want to." Trust Jeff to qualify it with an insecurity.

"I don't think I can help but worry about you baby. It's part of who I am now." Chris couldn't take his eyes off Jeff, who looked the picture of vulnerability. His lower lip was trembling and his eyes were brimming with tears.

"Chris… I don't deserve you," Was all he could whisper, before hiding his face in the pillow.

"Oh baby…" Chris touched Jeff's cheek with such tenderness that the younger Hardy felt compelled to look up. "Don't say that."

"But it's true." Through the sobbing, Jeff wanted to bury his face in his hands, but something in Chris' face stopped him.

"Baby I want you to listen to me. You are a good person. I know in the past, people have told you things, have told you that you were a bad person, but they were lying. Do you think I would lie to you?" Jeff shook his head. "Will you believe me when I tell you that you are a good person?"

"But…"

"No buts. Jeff, no matter what you think, I'll always be here for you. Now calm down baby." Chris didn't know if being firm was the right thing at this point, but it seemed to work, for Jeff stopped crying and looked at Chris, putting his arms back round the Canadian's neck. "You know what Jeffie? You're incredibly pretty when you're not crying." Jeff blushed. "And even more so when you blush."

"You think?" Now Jeff frowned, which combined with blushing made for quite a sight.

***********************

When Sean awoke again, he was alone, so he thought. His eyes scanned the room, focusing on the dark haired wrestler in the corner of the room who was wearing an amused smile on his face, and little else.

"Thought I'd gone, huh?" Matt's lilting southern drawl carried across the room.

"Well, I'd spent to long dreaming about being with you; I thought maybe last night was just a wonderful dream too." Sean admitted honestly. "Have you been awake for long?"

"No." Matt's smile changed from amused to cheeky. "I was just waiting for you cos I don't like showering on my own much. I was hoping you might join me."

"I don't know. I am kind of tired still." Sean teased, feigning going back to sleep.

"Sean, please?" When Matt looked at him in that way there was no way the older wrestler could refuse.

"OK then… come and help me up." Sean held out his hands. When Matt went to take them Sean used the surprise advantage to pull Matt onto the bed, then to pin him down.

Matt complained. "Not fair."

"You don't like being this close to me?" Sean began to grind his erection into Matt's groin.

"Oh yeah. The shower can wait."

*********************8

"Jeffie, you go shower first. I'll tidy up the room." Chris offered, reluctantly letting go of the younger man as he rolled out of bed.

Jeff walked into the bathroom and went to lock the door, but didn't. He didn't have anything to hide now, and he trusted Chris. His eyes fell on the razor blade, but he had no desire to use it. Chris must have had a great effect on him. He hadn't realized how much until now.

Chris set to work tidying away Jeff's things. He thought he was messy himself - this was nothing compared to the mayhem Jeff had created in this room. But if it made him feel at home, no one could really complain.

A little later Jeff wandered out of the bathroom wearing a pair of jeans and little else, drying his hair roughly with a towel. He checked out the now tidy room and smiled at Chris gratefully.

"You didn't have to tidy the place. I make enough mess for about five people."

"I didn't mind." Chris smiled, subconsciously checking Jeff's arms for fresh cuts and feeling relieved that there were none. "If you want, well… I need to go and pack my own stuff, and I need a shower… so you can… stay here… or you can come with me."

Jeff pulled on a T-shirt. "I'll come with you." He felt safe with Chris, and he didn't want to risk losing that security.

"OK then sugar." Chris grabbed his things and opened the door. Before they could go any further Jeff grabbed his hand and squeezed it, looking up at the older wrestler and smiling shyly. To Chris, that meant everything, and it was all the reassurance that he needed.

**********************

"I should go and pack." Matt told Sean as he finished toweling himself dry after a shower that took somewhat longer than it should have done.

Sean raised his eyebrows and rested back on the bed. "I'm not stopping you."

"Yes you are." Matt insisted. "By laying there and looking so damn irresistible that I have trouble tearing myself away."

Sean sighed, and pulled Matt next to him on the bed. "Matt you are so beautiful baby, I never want to let you go, but now we're together it's gonna be a whole lot easier."

"You don't have to say I'm beautiful when I'm not. I know out of me and Jeff my brother got all the looks." Matt looked shy, something that was unusual for him.

"You are beautiful. Trust me on this, I know you are." Sean laughed softly.

"Are we really together?"

"Do you want us to be?"

"Oh yes." The darker Hardy ran his finger over Sean's lips. "I just never expected my life to be this good."

"It will only get better."

Matt's kisses lingered for a while, then he sighed regretfully. "I really do have to go and pack you know."

"Go on then. I'll come meet you when I'm done."

Reluctantly, Matt tore himself away.

*********************

"Do you want me to pack for you?" Jeff asked, casting a critical eye over Chris' room. Its state was little better than Jeff's had been.

"You don't have to sweetie." Chris grabbed some clothes that looked vaguely clean and made toward the shower. "You make yourself at home, watch TV or whatever."

"I don't know." Suddenly Jeff seemed doubtful and unsure. "Maybe."

Chris was concerned. "I'll tell you what baby. If you're worried, I'll leave the bathroom door unlocked, so if you need anything, or if you're scared, I won't be far away." He didn't know if he was doing the right thing here. Would Jeff think that he was trying to take advantage?

"OK." Jeff half smiled, half frowned, like he was considering Chris' offer.

Stood in the shower, Chris cursed himself. He'd probably scared Jeff: the kid was scared enough, all anyone had ever seemed to want from him was sex, and now Chris was worried that he didn't seem any different. And he really wasn't like that. Sure, he found Jeff attractive, but he'd never take advantage of his emotional state of mind, he couldn't hurt Jeff like that.

If Jay had said that, it would have scared him, the younger man noted as he started folding Chris' clothes. But with Chris, it was safe. He was safe. But all the movement and banging and talking from outside the room scared him. What if someone knocked on the door? Jeff was all alone…

That was why Chris had offered to leave the door unlocked. Jeff's heart leapt as all doubt left his mind. He could go in and he would be safe. Timidly he stepped into the bathroom.

"Chris?" His voice was just loud enough for the Canadian to hear.

"Are you OK baby?" Chris looked around the shower curtain nervously.

"Yeah… but I'm just gonna sit here cos I didn't want to be on my own." Jeff's voice was almost childlike, but his eyes betrayed a fear of something very different.

"Sure Jeffie. I won't be long in the shower." Chris finished quickly and turned off the noisy spray of water. "Could you pass me a towel sweetie?"

Jeff obliged without even thinking, smiling absently when a half-naked Chris appeared. Then he thought about where he was, and burst into tears, burying his head between his knees.

"What's wrong?" Chris knelt beside him, trying to prevent his towel from falling down at the same time.

"I … I told you I'm a slut and a tease." He sobbed, not looking up at Chris. "I… I do this… like I'm sat here with you like I don't give a shit and if you came on to me I'd say no and then I'd be a tease. This is like what happened with Shawn and look at what happened then."

"Baby, I'm sorry. God I'm so stupid, I put you in a vulnerable situation and…"

"No. It's different with you because I know you wouldn't hurt me but you tell me I'm not a slut and then I do this and it proves I am." Now Jeff's tearstained face looked at Chris.

"Baby listen to me. You are not a slut. Now, I'm gonna keep on telling you that until you believe me. Jeffie," Chris knelt right in front of him and brushed the hair out of his eyes, "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Shawn… in his room" The younger man began, biting his lip nervously. "He… he was in the shower when I got there. He shouted for me to go in… I stood at the door of the bathroom… he kept saying I should join him. I said no and laughed, I thought he was joking… then he didn't get dressed, he was just wearing a towel… then he kissed me…." Jeff squeezed his eyes shut and shivered. "Afterwards I realized that I'd been leading him on… by watching him."

Chris wanted to cry, it took all of his inner strength to not cry. "Jeffie baby, it wasn't your fault. You weren't leading him on, cos when you said no that should have made it clear that you weren't interested. He shouldn't have hurt you; you did nothing to deserve it."

"But what about Jay?" When Chris saw Jay he was going to kill him. Every time he was getting somewhere with Jeff, Jay ruined it. "I… I used to sit and talk to him while he was showering… I saw him naked… he said that when I looked at him I looked like I wanted him, but I never ever thought like that." He protested earnestly.

"I know baby, I know." Chris had to get Jeff off of this whole self hate thing. "Sitting and talking to someone while they're in the shower, there's nothing wrong in that. Seeing the guy naked doesn't mean you're interested in them. Hell, I've seen girls naked and I'm definitely not interested in them." That even got a smile out of Jeff. "Baby please, I want you to believe in yourself, believe that you are not to blame."

"It's just so hard." Jeff opened up his arms to allow Chris to hold him. Chris pulled him close, putting his hand on Jeff's hair and stroking it gently.

"I know baby, but I'm here to help you. All the way baby, I promise." Chris' voice was soft and calming. "I'm gonna stop people hurting you and I'm gonna stop you hurting yourself."

"Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Go get dressed. You're freezing." Jeff giggled a little and Chris blushed. "I'll go finish packing. Can I leave the door open?"

"Sure." Chris smiled tenderly and Jeff scrambled up and almost ran off.

The Canadian dressed very quickly, not wanting to leave Jeff alone for too long in his current state of mind.

*********************

When Matt got back to his and Jeff's room he was surprised to see Jeff's things packed and ready to go. Was this the same messy little brother he'd had to drag out of bed on numerous occasions? Chris must have had one hell of an effect on Matt's baby brother. Sure he was jealous, but if Chris could make Jeff happy, then Matt would be happy too.

The older Hardy figured that Jeff and Chris would be in Chris' room, so decided to wait for his little brother to return, deftly packing his things away, and then sitting down on the bed.

His night with Sean had been incredible. It had been a while since he'd been in a relationship with anyone. The last relationship had ended seven months ago, just before Shawn had happened to Jeff. Matt had really been hurt by his relationship with Shane, but everything that had happened to Jeff had put that on the back burner. So much that Matt was probably over him now. He didn't even think about Shane McMahon any more. But he was wary too, because he always expected something to go wrong. When Sean had said that they were together, it had really made Matt think that he was in something special.

**********************

"Hey Mattie." Jeff wandered confidently into his room, carrying one of Chris' bags, followed by the Canadian. Jeff now was completely different to ten minutes ago. The mood swings worried Chris, but right now he was happy, so Chris couldn't complain. "Did you have a good night?"

Matt grinned at his little brother. "I did, me and Sean, we're…"

"Together?" Matt nodded shyly. "Oh Mattie I'm so happy for you." Jeff dropped Chris' bags and hugged his brother enthusiastically.

"Thank you baby." Matt pulled his brother back and studied his face. "You look happy."

"Chris has been so good to me… He… we… I can't describe our relationship, but I feel so safe and secure." Jeff turned and smiled at the Canadian, who blushed.

"I'm glad you're happy baby. You deserve it."

***********************

A days traveling made even the calmest person's temper begin to fray, so it wasn't surprising that when they got to the next hotel they were climbing the walls. Matt wanted to see Sean again, Jeff was getting nervous about seeing Jay again, and Chris was worried about Jeff.

Once they'd settled in, Matt went off to find his lover, promising to return shortly, to support his little brother when he saw Jay again.

Chris watched Jeff carefully. He was greatly concerned. On the way there Jeff had got gradually more and more nervous. Chris was worried about himself too. If Jay made any threats, Chris didn't know if he'd be able to control himself. Hell, after everything Jay had done already Chris wanted to beat him. But he knew that wouldn't help Jeff, it would only hurt him and that was the last thing Chris wanted to do.

Right now Jeff was sat in the corner of the room, clutching his teddy bear close to him, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Jeffie?" Chris kept his voice soft, but the younger man's eyes still flew open, revealing a terrified look. "What can I do baby?"

"I don't know. I'm scared." The younger man whispered. "He's gonna threaten me and he might hurt me."

"I won't let him hurt you." Chris closed his eyes to calm his temper. He didn't want to be angry when he saw Jay, but when he saw the heartache his fellow Canadian caused, it was hard. "Baby, come here." Chris put his hand out. Slowly Jeff stood up, and made his way over to where Chris was now stood.

He looked deeply into Jeff's eyes, so deeply he could almost lose himself in them. He looked so beautiful and innocent. "Do you trust me?" His direct question caused a little flicker in those emerald pools.

"Yes." The affirmation was almost silent.

"Then let me tell you this. Jay will have to get through me and Matt before he gets to you. And there's no way he'll be able to. Now I want you to remember something. If he threatens you it's just words. He can't hurt you."

"OK." Jeff's voice sounded almost resigned. "Will you hold me? I feel safe when you hold me."

Chris pulled Jeff close, feeling the younger man's arms snake tightly around him. "Shh baby. It's OK." He tried to reassure him, feeling that his words were having no effect.

Matt opened the door. "We're going to the arena now."

Chris looked to Jeff, who nodded, grabbing his bag with one hand, and Chris' hand with the other. Chris looked at Matt's reaction and his worry was clear. Something would have to be done, Jay was tearing Jeff apart.

Sean watched Matt's face move from happy to distraught, and cursed. He didn't know the details, but suspected that Jeff's now ended relationship with Jay might have something to do with it. He swore to himself that if Matt needed him, he would be there.

When they got to the arena they were greeted by Adam and Essa, who had managed to disentangle themselves from each other long enough to greet their friends.

While Jeff was chatting to Essa, Chris pulled Adam to one side. "Have you heard from Jay?" he demanded.

The blond shook his head. "I don't' think I'll see him cos I'm scheduled singles tonight. I don't know who Jay's fighting." Adam looked at Chris sympathetically. "He's really got to Jeff, hasn't he?"

"I just wish I could do something." Chris sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with the guy."

"Me neither and I team with him." The Canadian agreed. "I know you'll look after Jeff though, you've really fallen for him."

"Is it that obvious?" Chris smiled. Adam just laughed. "You're right; I just wish I could make it all better for him."

"It'll get better. You'll see." Adam went serious for a moment. "He's crazy about you too. Don't worry."

"Come on everyone. Let's go and see what delights we have scheduled for tonight." Matt brightened his voice to calm Jeff down.

"Pat!" Sean spotted Pat Patterson and waved him over. As luck would have it, he had a script in his hand. "What's up for tonight?"

"Hey guys." He smiled at what was known around management as 'the future of the company'. "I can't talk for long; I'm due in a meeting."

"Just let us know what we've got." Chris demanded, not rudely, for Pat well knew that Canadian was an impatient being.

"OK... Essa against a local guy, Sean, running interference, Adam against Chris, Matt against Chris Benoit, Jeff against Jay. That's your lot; I'll bring the running order over later." All this was said in one breath and Pat walked off.

Jeff looked at Chris in horror and swayed as if he was about to collapse. Chris ran forward to scoop him up into his arms.

"I can't do it Chris." Jeff's voice was faint, and shaking, and he clung onto the Canadian. "I can't."

"Oh Jeffie." Chris didn't really know what to say. "It'll be OK baby."

Matt looked at Sean tearfully. The older wrestler hugged his lover reassuringly, not really understanding Jeff's fear but believing it nonetheless.

"What am I gonna do?" Jeff's angelic voice silenced them all. He refused to remove himself from Chris' arms, clutching him tightly to his body.

"I'll talk to Vince." Matt decided firmly, squeezing his brother's shoulder and looking to Sean for support. "See if we can't change the match."

"Please Matt?" Jeff's eyes silently begged his brother.

********************

Matt steeled himself and knocked on the boss' door. He really hoped he didn't see Shane. Fortunately Gerry Brisco answered, and let him in to see Vince.

Vince liked the Hardys. They'd been with the company almost since they were kids, and he'd always got on well with them. He was clueless about Matt's relationship with Shane - he didn't even know that his son was gay.

"Matt, take a seat." Vince smiled pleasantly. "What can I do for you?"

Matt sat down nervously, and decided to be totally honest. "It's about Jeff's match."

"Against…" Vince checked the schedule. "Jay. Ah yes, they're dating, aren't they?"

"No." Vince looked surprised. "Well, they were, but they split up and Jeff's uncomfortable with the whole thing now."

"I can understand that." When Vince had found out about Shawn, he'd partly blamed himself and had tried to cut Jeff as may breaks as possible. "But, there's nothing I can do. There's no other way we can work this angle through."

"Nothing at all?" Matt looked so upset Vince scoured the script to see if anything could be changed. Finally he came to a decision. "I'll tell you what. Jeff's match can follow yours. He can come out with you, and then you can stay out for his match. We'll do a promo saying you're watching each other's backs. At least you can be there with him, is that any help?"

"Yeah." Matt knew that a lot of rewriting would be needed to achieve this. "Thank you so much."

"I'm sorry I can't do more." Once Matt had left Vince sighed regretfully. All of this was Shawn's fault. Jeff had been so much more confident before. How the hell could he have let it happen?

************************

Matt walked back to the locker room where they were all now firmly ensconced. He'd walked part of the way with Pat, finalizing the script.

Jeff looked up at his brother nervously and hopefully. He was sat in Chris' arms. Since he's found out, he'd been scared to let go, and nothing that Chris had said had made any difference.

"Jeffie honey?" Matt knelt down by his little brother. "I'm sorry baby, but Vince can't change the match." The older Hardy saw his little brother's lip tremble, so he quickly continued. "He has arranged it so that I'll be out there with you the whole time though."

"I can't do it Matt." Jeff protested. "I'll freeze and when he touches me I'll be so scared."

"Baby, I'll be there to interfere if he tries to hurt you." Matt promised, touching his brother's cheek tenderly. "You'll be OK. You can do lots of aerial stuff so that you don't have to have too much contact."

"But…" Jeff could only visualize the negative possibilities.

"No buts." Matt knew exactly when to be firm with his baby brother. "Now let me tell you what's going to happen."

*********************

Jeff stood by the curtain backstage, watching the show, still in Chris' arms. He'd been virtually silent since Matt had explained what the plan was, as if he was going over in his mind everything that could possibly happen.

"I wish you could come out there with me." Jeff whispered suddenly.

"I know baby." Chris cuddled him closer. "I wish I could be there too. But Matt will look after you, and Adam will be there. He says he has no qualms about breaking character if he has to."

"If everything gets ruined it will be my fault." Chris felt Jeff's body tense.

"No it won't be. It'll be Jay's fault. And nothing is going to be ruined. If you want, afterwards I'll take you out somewhere nice."

A technician's voice rang out. "Jeff, Matt, one minute yeah?"

"You'll be OK baby." Chris reassured him quickly, hugging him, then finally letting him go. "I'm right here, I'll be watching you, I promise."

"OK." Jeff took a deep breath and made his entrance with his brother. Matt's match seemed to fly by, and then the camera cut to Jay and Chris really tensed up. He looked so smug, like he was really going to enjoy this. Adam was barely hiding how uncomfortable he was.

In the ring Matt was keeping Jeff calm under the guise of discussing tactics.

"It'll be OK, I'm gonna be right outside the ring." Matt whispered.

"I know." Jeff gritted his teeth and tried to stop shaking. "I'm OK."

Edge's music hit and Jay appeared, his smug grin plastered on his face. Adam was more subdued.

For the first few minutes of the match, Jeff took a beating. He sensed that Jay was enjoying it, because his shots were as stiff as hell and he had this huge smile on his face. Then he pushed Jeff up into the corner of the ring, making to punch him but whispering in his ear.

"I'm enjoying this Jeffie. I can't wait to do you for real."

Jeff's temper flared and he started beating at Jay, with brutal power. He used all of his aerial moves so that he didn't have to have much contact. He pulled a corkscrew moonsault, then a swanton, and got the pin, quickly rolling out of the ring and making his way up the ramp with Matt, feigning celebration.

Backstage he grabbed Chris' hand and the trio rapidly returned to their locker room. Now Jeff's adrenaline was fading, his body was starting to ache where Jay's blows had been so painful. He slumped onto a chair, staring up at his brother and Chris. Both knelt beside him.

"We're really proud of you Jeff." Matt said. "You handled that really well."

"I don't have to fight him again do I? I can't fight him again." Jeff tried to keep control of his voice. "I'm OK, I think."

"OK baby. What do you want us to do? Can we do anything?" Matt was pleased his little brother seemed to be coping so well but felt a little redundant now.

"We'll wait for Sean, and then go back to the hotel. Mattie, you go out with Sean, Chris'll look after me." Jeff seemed fairly confident so Matt acquiesced. He figured that Jeff had taken his frustrations out on Jay, and that was where his confidence had come from.

Chris had other suspicions, but he kept them to himself for the time being. He noted that Jeff was still holding his hand tightly. Sean finally arrived, and they made their way back, sorting out rooms before splitting up.

Matt hugged his little brother. "I'm really proud of you Jeffie. You know where I am if you need me, don't you?"

"Thank you Matt. I love you." Reluctantly Jeff let go and he and Chris retreated to their room.

Jeff sat down on the bed and Chris looked at him quizzically, sitting down opposite him.

"It's OK now baby. You can stop pretending."

Jeff fell into Chris' arms. "I'm so scared. He said he couldn't wait to hurt me for real."

"Oh Jeff. I won't let him hurt you." Chris tried to be supportive. "Did he work stiff?"

"Yeah." Jeff tried to stretch, but groaned in agony. "I ache like hell. But… I was harsh on him too. Was I wrong to do that?"

"No baby." This was a bad sign, Jeff was seriously self doubting. "You had every justification to do that. You showed him how strong you are; you showed him that he couldn't ruin your life. That's why he threatened you, because he knew he wasn't getting to you."

"Do you think so?" Jeff still looked doubtful.

"Yeah. Baby, do you want me to do anything for you, to make it ache less?" Chris wasn't really sure what.

"Um… could you run me a bath?" Jeff asked sweetly.

"Sure honey." Chris stood up. "Do you want to stay in here while I'm doing it?"

"No." Jeff obviously wasn't coping well at all.

Read Chapter Two of Seven of Sockospice's Tortured Life