"Chris, how the fuck could you do this to me?" Jeff screamed, not caring who could hear them through the paper thin walls of the hotel room. "I thought you loved me."

"Babe I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Walking over to his young lover, he made to take one of those delicate hands, which Jeff immediately snatched away, wrapping his own arms around his body in a defensive move that implied protection.

"Never meant to hurt me? Fuck Chris, you could rip my heart out with your hands and it wouldn't hurt as much."

"Baby please... It was just a one night thing... You weren't here..." Chris' voice trailed off.

"And he was." Jeff retorted bitterly. "And that's justification is it? I was alone too Chris, but I didn't screw around. I love you too much to do that."

"I love you too Jeffie. I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say? I'm so, so sorry. Jesus, if I could go back and change what happened then I would. But I can't and I have to live with that."

"You have to live with that." Jeff muttered bitterly. "I have to live with the fact that you don't love me enough to keep your dick in your pants when I'm not around. I have to live with the fact that I'm not good enough for you. I have to live with the fact that the man I love more than anyone else in the world doesn't love me."

"Jeff please." Turning away, Jeff walked over to the other side of the room, widening the huge gulf between them.

"Tell me how it happened." The younger wrestler asked suddenly, fixing Chris with a harsh glare.

"What?"

"Tell me how it happened. I want to know all of it." Jeff sat down, not removing his eyes from Chris' uncomfortable frame.

"Jeffie no." The Canadian stared, wide eyed in shock. "It's over, why can't we just forget it. I don't want to go over it."

"I want to know." Jeff's shaky voice suddenly sounded so certain. "So that I'm not imagining all sorts of shit. I want to know what you did."

Y2J sat down with his head in his hands. "It'll hurt you though. But..." He sighed. "I guess I've already done that."

Jeff pulled his legs up and rested his chin on his knees, pulling his arms tightly around the long tanned limbs. He never once took his piercing green eyes from the wrestler in front of him.

Chris began, falteringly at first. "I was missing you like crazy, and I had no idea what to do with myself... so I went down to the bar, and started drinking. I didn't realize how much I'd drunk, turns out it was way too much. And.. he came down and started drinking too and we were just talking, chatting about nothing much, then I went to go back to my room, but I was a bit unsteady, and he went to help me, but he was drunk too so he was unsteady too. We got back to my room and ... he was going to leave but he didn't seem like he could find the door, never mind his own room. So I said he could have the other bed in here. When we were undressing, we kept catching each other's eye. Eventually we'd gotten naked, and... I don't know who made the first move but we kissed."

Jeff flinched and Chris' heart broke, but he continued. "And one thing led to another and we fucked."

"Tell me how." The young wrestler's eyes were filled with tears. "I want to know all of it."

"Honey don't do this. To me, to yourself." Chris hated to see the pain he'd caused.

"Just tell me."

The Canadian squeezed his eyes tightly shut and shivered. "We... we kissed... and then we just felt each other up, and then... Then in this drunken haze we're on his bed making out like anything and ... and I move down his body and suck him off." Jeff's breath caught when he heard this, but he motioned for Chris to continue. "It was real frantic, there wasn't any love in it or anything. Then, I get some lube, and get him to turn over, and I finger him a little... and Jeffie I'm sorry baby." Tears were falling down Chris' cheeks, and when he looked up, down Jeff's too. He wasn't enjoying making Chris suffer. "And I fucked him. It was quick then we both fell asleep."

"And in the morning I found you." Jeff finished. "Is that everything?"

"Yes, baby I swear I'm sorry. Shit, I wish I could go back and change everything...."

"But you can't." Jeff for the first time broke eye contact, and began to sob into his hands. Immediately Chris was next to him, putting his arms around his trembling body.

Jeff pulled away. "Don't ... don't touch me. You caused this. Don't think you can make it better cos you can't." Words were spilling out of Jeff like an uncontrollable torrent. "Nothing is going to make this right. I can't forgive you Chris. I loved you and you destroyed it. I would have done anything for you, given up anything. And it's all gone now. And... I have nothing left."

With that, Jeff stood up and ran out of the room, still in floods of tears. Chris couldn't go after him, he just collapsed onto the bed with such brutal sobs that almost broke his body in two.

Jeff didn't know where he was running. Just away. Then he bumped into Adam as he came out of his room.

"Woah Jeff! What's wrong?" He eyed his tearful friend worriedly.

"Adam... I... Chris... He..." Jeff couldn't articulate what had happened, he didn't feel capable of doing it.

"Come on Jeff, we'll get you calmed down, then you can tell me what happened." Ever caring, Adam slipped an arm around his shoulder and led him into the room, forcing him to sit down. "Now tell me what's wrong, OK?"

Slowly Jeff's breathing returned to normal and he sniffed a little, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. He stared up at the tall blond, the picture of heartbreak.

"Chris cheated on me." As soon as he'd said the words he willed himself not to cry again. "He... I found them asleep this morning cos I got back early cos my autograph signing was cancelled. Chris promised... he said it was only a one night stand and he only did it cos he was drunk and I believe him... but how can I trust him now? He can't love me. He wouldn't have cheated on me if he'd loved me." The plaintive whisper ended Jeff's emotional rant.

Adam cursed silently. Jeff was fragile enough, he didn't need this. "Oh honey." He hugged his younger friend. "I'm sorry Jeff. But I know Chris loves you."

"Then why did he cheat on me?"

"People do stupid things when they're drunk Jeff. Believe me I know." Adam smiled and even Jeff forced a grin. Adam was notorious for not being able to hold his drink. "it doesn't mean he stopped loving you. Just instead of thinking with his heart he was thinking with his dick."

"Should I go back to him?"

Adam sighed. "I don't know babe. If you love him, then only you can make that choice. Is it worth losing the one you love over one mistake?"

"I do love him Adam."

"Then go back."

********************************************************

Jeff was so nervous as he stood by his hotel room door. What if Chris rejected him now? Slowly he opened the door and his quick green eyes scanned the room.

His lover was curled up on the bed, his body still wracked with sobs. He'd been that way since Jeff left, believing that he'd lost him forever. He cursed himself for being so stupid. How the hell could he jeopardize the best thing in his life for a cheap fuck?

Jeff knelt by the side of the bed, staring at the pain on Chris' face, and knew that when he'd apologized he was telling the truth.

"Chris?"

Chris looked up in surprise, wiping his tears away. "Jeffie... baby I'm so sorry."

"I know Chris, I know." Jeff opened his arms and allowed Chris to almost fall into them, enveloping him tightly. "I love you Chris. I can't lose you. I can't forgive, or forget what happened yet, give me time, but I love you and I can't lose that."

"Oh Jeffie." Chris started crying again, burying his head in is lover's neck. "I know I hurt you, but I promise I'll do anything to make it better. I love you too much to lose you."

"I know now." Jeff kissed him tenderly, then stood up. "Chris... there's something else I have to do."

"What baby?"

"There's someone else involved in this, isn't there?"

Chris sighed. "Please don't hate him Jeffie. I'd die before I ruined your relationship."

"I don't hate him. I just need to talk to him. To find out why he slept with you when he knew how much it would hurt me. To find out if he still loves me."

Chris stood up and caressed Jeff's pale cheek. "He's your brother Jeff. He may have done you wrong, but he still loves you."

"I need to see him all the same." It was true, Jeff didn't hate Matt, he just needed to know why he'd betrayed him.

Jeff knocked on his brother's door softly, and heard his brother jump off the bed and run to the door. When he saw Jeff he started to tremble slightly, and stared at him with wide, chocolate brown eyes, hating himself for the pain that he saw etched on his little brother's face.

"I'm sorry Jeff." Matt whispered.

"Can I come in?" Slowly the younger brother walked into the room and sat down on the bed. Matt closed the door and sat opposite him. "Why Matt?"

He'd been asking that himself over the past few hours, and hadn't got any closer to working it out. "I don't know. If I could explain my actions... I was drunk... and I know that is no excuse... but it was just sex... I can't justify what I did... but I promise you I regret every second of it."

"I believe you." Jeff hugged his brother. "Matt I love you and I don't want to lose our relationship. But.. I can't forgive you yet... I'm sorry."

"How can you be so calm?" Matt touched his brother's cheek in wonder. "I hurt you. What I did was so wrong, you should hate me."

"I can't. I've tried to hate you, I've tried to hate Chris, but I can't. I don't want to lose the two most important people in my life over a mistake. Just promise me that's all it was."

"I promise. I'll never hurt you again Jeff." Matt knew that he'd do everything in his power to make sure this was true. "I hate myself for what I've done."

"Don't hate yourself. Just promise me I won't get hurt again."

"I promise."

****************************************************

As he walked back to the room he shared with Chris Jeff knew something inside of him had changed. His complete, implicit trust in the ones he loved was gone. Now, he knew that all he could do was wait to be hurt again.