"I'm sorry Jeff. What more do you want me to say?"

"Tell me it didn't happen. Tell me this is all a bad dream." Jeff begged tearfully from his position curled up on the bed.

"I can't baby. I wish I could." Chris sighed, not taking his blue eyes off the man who he'd always known was the love of his life. Now... he'd blown it for a cheap fling.

"Then we're through."

Those words cut through Chris' heart, but also sparked his anger. "Jeff, is what we have worth so little that you could end it over one mistake?"

"It was your mistake." Jeff sounded bitter but broken. "Yours, not mine."

"And it's your decision."

Jeff closed his eyes: he couldn't look at Chris, he knew that if he did, he'd forgive him on the spot. "Just get out Chris."

"If I go now, this is it. We're through." The Canadian made his way towards the door, his anger a red mist clouding his feelings. "It's your choice."

Jeff said nothing, just buried his face in his hands. Reluctantly Chris slipped out of the hotel room, running to his own before he exploded. What the hell had he done?

Jeff lay on the bed sobbing for what seemed like hours. What had he done? Chris was the one for him, he'd always felt that, from the moment that they met. So why did he tell him to go? Why had Chris cheated on him? People who loved each other didn't hurt each other like that, did they?

There was a knock at the door, and Matt walked in, cautiously looking round before he saw his little brother laying on the bed convulsed in a fit of sobbing. Immediately he ran over and scooped him up in his arms. Jeff clung to him like his life depended on it, burying his head deep in Matt's broad shoulder.

Matt just rocked his shaking body until he was calm, his comfort wordless but substantial. Finally Jeff felt able to speak, and he looked at his brother with such heartbreak that Matt wanted to cry himself.

"We're through. He left, Mattie."

Matt had guessed that this might have happened. He sighed. "Oh Jeffie, I'm so sorry baby. But maybe it's for the best, you know?"

"How? I loved him so damn much Mattie. So damn much. Why doesn't he love me? What have I done wrong?"

"Nothing. It's not your fault baby, he just didn't know what he'd put at risk."

"It is my fault. It must be." Jeff suddenly felt so certain. "Don't say that Chris is to blame, it's my fault."

"But he cheated on you." Matt protested. "How is that your fault?"

"I told him to leave. If I'd loved him, I'd have made him stay."

"If he'd loved you, he'd have stayed anyway." That sounded more harsh than Matt had intended, but he hated to see Jeff hurting like this, and he didn't know what more to say.

"Matt?" Jeff's voice was childlike and uncertain. "What am I gonna do?"

"You'll survive Jeff. You will."

The only thought running through Jeff's mind was 'do I want to?'

*********************

From one side of the locker room Jeff tried to avoid watching Y2J change. Every glimpse reminded him of what he'd lost. His friends chatted to him, but their conversation was meaningless to Jeff. Now that Chris was nothing to him, he was everything.

Jeff wanted to go over there, take Chris in his arms and tell him he was sorry, he still wanted him. But he was scared that Chris would turn him away. He looked happy, he was even flirting with Raven. In that moment Jeff knew that he was right. Chris didn't want him, no one did.

It was the biggest match of the year for Jeff and Matt. Wrestlemania, a tag team match for the titles against the Undertaker and Kane. No one gave the Hardys a chance in hell unless they could pull off something extreme. But Jeff wasn't thinking of the titles as he climbed a ladder in the middle of the ring. He saw Kane standing outside and knew what he had to do. Not to win the titles, not to take out Kane... just because. If he lived, Matt would be happy they'd won. And if he didn't? he didn't think anyone would care.

He jumped. From the top of the ladder to the outside of the ring, landing on Kane and knocking him to the floor. The crowd went crazy, and slowly the younger Hardy opened his eyes and stood up. Almost in a trance he helped Matt role Kane's unconscious body into the ring and pinned him. They grabbed the belts and ran.

As soon as they got backstage Matt furiously confronted his brother.

"Jeff, what the hell were you thinking? You could have killed yourself out there."

"So?" Jeff looked his brother straight in the eye. "I don't care."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I have to live for Matt?" If he'd known how much those words would hurt Matt, he would never have said them. "Without him... I'm nothing."

The older Hardy bit his lip before he said something he knew that he would regret, then when he knew that he was calm enough to speak, looked at his brother with wide, chocolate-brown eyes. "What about me? I need you Jeff. You're all I have left."

"I love you Matt, I promise I do." Jeff started, then went silent. "But it's not enough. I miss him so much. I need him."

"Baby you have to let it go." Matt whispered, heartbroken.

"I can't Matt, I'm sorry."

As the weeks continued Jeff tried various ways of killing himself in the ring, taking his extreme style to new levels. Each time he survived, much to Matt's relief. But, no matter what he said or did, Jeff seemed determined - he just didn't care anymore.

Matt didn't know what else to do, so he did the one thing that he swore he would never do, and went to Chris. When Chris had cheated on Jeff, he had sworn that he would never speak to Y2J again. No one hurt his little brother. No one.

"Chris."

Jericho looked up from lacing his boots, surprised. "Matt..." He was obviously disconcerted. "What... what can I do for you?"

"I think you know why I'm here." Matt's voice was cold, betraying his dislike of his fellow wrestler. "My little brother."

"What does that have to do with me?" Chris asked guardedly. He was still more than a little sensitive where Jeff was concerned. If he wasn't such a cynic he'd swear he still loved him. But, Jeff had finished it, he didn't want him anymore, so Y2J had resumed his role as everybody's party host and had made his way through a great number of the roster. It didn't make him happy, but it was fun while it lasted, and it numbed the pain.

"You're the reason he tries to kill himself every time he gets in the ring."

"He was the one that finished it Matt." Chris frowned at the memory. "If he loved me, he could have forgiven me."

"You cheated on him Chris." Matt retorted bitterly. "You hurt him so much."

"Hell don't you think I know that? Don't you think that I regret that?" Suddenly Chris' voice went quiet. "Don't you think that I'd go back to him in a heartbeat? But... he avoids me, I've barely seen him since we split up, so what can I do?"

"I don't care, just find him and talk to him and stop him doing this. Heaven knows I've tried, but he won't listen. Please, I don't know who else to ask." Matt sighed. "I can't let him kill himself Chris."

Chris closed his eyes. "I'll come round to your room tonight after the show. I'll talk to him but I can't promise anything. Hell Matt, I don't want to see him hurt. I've already hurt him enough." He looked up at Matt, eyes full of tears. "I'll try, I promise."

"OK, thanks Chris." Matt put a hand on his shoulder then silently walked out of the door. The gesture meant a lot to Chris, he knew Matt didn't like him, and couldn't blame him for that.

Matt went straight over to his brother, his compassion suddenly flaring into anger. His discussion with Chris had shed some light on a few issues for him. "Jeff, you have to stop this now."

"Stop what?"

"All this suicide shit. Fuck Jeff, don't play stupid."

"Matt, I can't live without him and he doesn't want me. So why the fuck shouldn't I?"

The older Hardy shook him, almost slapping him in fury. "You have made no effort to talk to him, you've avoided him ever since it happened. Face it Jeff, you're wallowing in self pity and you're just being fucking selfish."

"Matt don't say that please." Jeff was shaking, shocked by his brother's emotions. "I'm sorry... I just... I love you ... and I love Chris... and I can't... I can't see any way out of this."

"Sort yourself out Jeff, cos this is killing me." Matt stormed out of the room, leaving Jeff alone. He wanted to talk to Chris, so much. But he couldn't. He believed that Chris would reject him, and that would hurt too much. And now he thought that Matt had rejected him too. And in Jeff's broken mind, that meant that Matt didn't love him anymore. Now he had no one.

Jeff came running out in front of the crowd and it seemed like nothing was wrong. But there was a darkness to his eyes, the emerald clouded over by a life of hurt. In every single move there was a dangerous edge, a cliff face that it seemed he might throw himself off at any second, and there was no one who could stop him.

Matt didn't realize what was happening until Jeff climbed to the top of the Titantron and stood, ready to jump. He took in everything around him, believing it was the last time he would ever know this world. Then he jumped.

"No!" Matt's desperate scream was echoed by Chris backstage, and thousands of people all over the arena. "Jeff!" Matt knelt beside the unconscious body of his younger brother. "Please wake up Jeffie. I'm sorry I said those things please don't leave me."

His torrent of tears was shared by many of the wrestlers backstage. Chris had to be frantically restrained by Edge and Christian, he just wanted to be out there, he wanted to be with Jeff.

"It's my fault. I've killed him." Finally Y2J slumped against a wall, burying his face in his hands. "I didn't get to tell him how sorry I was and how I wish we could still be together and how much I love him."

Simultaneously as Chris said those three words, Jeff's eyes flickered open. He knew. He slowly stood up, shaken and sore, but physically fine. He pulled his brother into his arms and whispered "I forgive you Matt. I love you." Then he broke away and stumbled backstage, as the fans watched on in amazement at what they'd just seen. Bemused, the ref rung the bell. The result of that match would never be known.

Chris was still sobbing into his hands, little realizing what had just happened. Edge and Christian had left him in the locker room alone, not knowing what else to do.

"Chris?" Jeff's southern drawl was soft, but caused the Canadian to jerk his head up.

"Jeff? I'm dreaming.... It can't be you... I saw.... I saw you jump." He began sobbing again.

"It's me Chris."

Slowly the Canadian lifted his hand and caressed Jeff's face, almost in wonderment that he was real. His breath caught in shock. "Jeff." He choked. "I love you baby. I'm sorry I hurt you please don't leave me again."

"I wanted to die cos I thought I'd lost you." The younger Hardy knelt in front of him, taking his hands within his own. "Please Chris... I... I..." Jeff broke down in his lover's arms.

"It's OK baby." Chris just rocked him gently. "I'm never gonna risk losing you again. Just promise me you won't do this again. If you hurt, I'll be there for you, Matt's always there for you too."

"I know now. I just couldn't face spending the rest of my life without you." Jeff's eyes shined with tears and love. "I knew that Matt loved me but it wasn't enough."

"Shhh, it doesn't matter now." Chris closed his eyes, holding Jeff until his sobs subsided. "I love you angel."

"I know." Jeff smiled shyly. "I nearly died Chris. But you saved my life cos I knew."

"What do you mean?"

The younger wrestler took a deep breath. "After I jumped, I heard Matt say that he loved me, but I was going away, someplace else... then I heard you say that you loved me... and I knew I had to come back. You brought me back Chris."

"When I saw you jump..." Chris' eyes were glistening. "I wanted to run out there to be with you... but Edge and Christian stopped me... so I collapsed... and I said that... I loved you... that I was sorry."

"You saved me Chris. It was a miracle. I know it was."

"I believe you angel. I do."