"Fuck you Chris!" Jeff screamed, not caring who heard them. "I can't handle this anymore."

"Then get the hell away from me." Chris spat, looking daggers at the younger Hardy. "Just fuck off."

Trying to suppress a sob, Jeff ran out of the room, leaving Chris Jericho to collapse in fury and devastation on his hotel room bed.

Jeff ran. He didn't know where he was going, just away. He loved Chris but it was so hard. They were always fighting, and Jeff blamed himself for not being able to deal with his lover's problems. Chris was suffering from depression, and then he had all this trouble with Kane, who was seemingly intent on destroying him, and it was tearing Chris apart. And Jeff hated himself for not being able to help him.

He kept on running until he found somewhere he knew. The same bar all the wrestlers came to whenever they were in this town. Frustrated with himself and his inability to deal with things, Jeff wiped his eyes and entered. He didn't want company, but he didn't want to be alone either.

His far-from-happy demeanor was noted by several of his colleagues when he strode up to the bar. Christian was the first to approach.

"Hey Jeff. You OK honey?" he asked gently, putting his arm around his young friend's shoulders and rubbing his arm. "Another fight with Chris?"

Jeff just nodded and wiped his eyes again. He didn't trust himself to speak.

"Do you want to be alone sweetie?" Christian asked, knowing that was usually what Jeff wanted. The younger wrestler nodded again, accepting his friends caring embrace. "If you need anything, anything at all Jeff, you know where we are don't you?"

"Thanks Chrissy." Somehow Jeff forced a smile. "I'll be OK." Christian looked doubtful but nodded and walked away. He was worried about his young friend, this was the fifth or sixth time he and Chris had argued in the last month, and it was really taking it out of Jeff.

The younger Hardy sat down and had a few drinks, but he wasn't really in the mood. He wanted to go back to Chris and hold him and tell him that they'd work through his problems, but he was scared that it was too late. Chris needed more than Jeff felt he could give. But, Jeff needed Chris too. He was hardly the most stable person in the WWF either. When they'd got together Jeff had been quiet, reserved, and relied on Chris for a lot. And the thought of losing that protection scared him too. Sure, Matt was always there but he felt like a burden on his brother, so hid a lot of his fear and pain.

Jeff decided to go back to Chris. No matter what happened, anything had to be better than the loneliness and utter despair that he was feeling right now. He got up and made his way to the bathroom. A few of the wrestlers raised their eyebrows, and one stood up and followed him in.

Jeff was aware of a presence behind him, but didn't turn around. Whoever it was, he wanted them to go away. So instead he remained where he was and waited for the presence to speak.

"Jeff Hardy." The voice croaked. "where's your pretty-boy lover?"

"Fuck off Kane." Jeff muttered. Here was one of the reasons he and Chris were having so many problems.

"That's not nice Jeff." Kane stepped closer, so that he was just inches away from Jeff's back. "Even though you're pretty, you should still have good manners."

Jeff began to tremble. Something wasn't right here. "Please go away Kane." He whispered. "I've had a bad day and I don't need any more hassle."

"You've had a bad day?" Kane hissed, bringing his mouth close to Jeff's ear. "You don't know what it's like to have a bad day. My life has been a succession of bad days ever since I was born. You've never experienced a bad day. Until now."

"What… what do you mean?" Jeff stammered, not daring to look at the monster who was making him feel so scared.

"Do you know what it's like to feel pain Jeff? To feel scared? To be in a position where you are so afraid you'd do anything to get away. To feel such agonizing pain you want to die?" Kane menaced, moving so close to Jeff that every part of his body was touching Jeff's. "By the time I've finished with you, you will."

"Kane, you don't need to do this man." Jeff's works were halted by a gloved hand clamped over his mouth.

"Now now Jeff, silence." He admonished. "We don't want anyone to hear you, do we?"

Jeff closed his eyes and waited for what was going to happen. Kane slowly removed his hand and Jeff breathed an unconscious sigh of relief. But then the feel of that gloved hand caressing his skin made him flinch, although he dare not pull away for fear of what the monster might do. Kane stood for some time just touching the soft skin of Jeff's face, unable to feel how that pale skin had gone cold in fear.

The movement, when it came, was sudden. Kane swiftly pulled Jeff towards a cubicle, locking both inside. Suddenly there was an urgency to his actions, as he stood behind the trembling wrestler with his hands on his shoulders.

"Jeff you are going to do exactly what I say or I will break your neck and then I'll break Chris'. Understand?"

Somehow, Jeff managed to nod. He couldn't let Kane hurt Chris again. Maybe after this Kane would leave them alone.

"Good boy. Now pull down your pants and put your hands on the wall." There was a hint of evil pleasure in Kane's voice. Unable to control the tears that dropped like pearls from his eyes, Jeff complied with the order, letting his jeans and boxers fall around his ankles then leaning forwards so that his hands were braced against the wall. Somehow, he drew up the courage to turn his head and look at his aggressor. Kane stared straight into those emerald eyes for a second, then looked away, moving to pull the elastic band out of Jeff's hair, so that the purple mane fell over his face and covered those pleading eyes. Defeated, Jeff hung his head between his outstretched arms and prepared for what was to come.

He heard material fall to the floor, and then hands touch his hips, still encased in the rough cold material of those gloves. Involuntarily he tensed, yet the touch was as tender as it could be. Kane's hands weren't moving, they just rested on Jeff's hips for a time. Then the pressure lifted, and Jeff wondered what was coming next.

He soon found out, as a finger was thrust up into him. Immediately Jeff screamed in pain, causing Kane's free hand to clamp down over Jeff's mouth. The invasion of one finger was incredibly painful, more so because of the rough material that surrounded it. Then another finger was added that stretched Jeff some more, the pain getting progressively worse. When a third finger was pushed inside, Jeff almost collapsed, the sheer agony torturing him. Jeff could feel that he was bleeding, and prayed in his heart that this was the worst the pain would get. Kane's pace was eerily calm, pulling his fingers almost completely out of Jeff then thrusting back in, as if he was intent on causing as much pain as possible.

Kane removed his fingers from Jeff, then his hand from his mouth. Jeff only just managed to stay standing, his knees feeling weak and his body burning. Kane watched Jeff with an amused smile, noting with satisfaction the blood that tricked down his leg.

"Ready for more?" he asked with a sadistic laugh, not giving Jeff time to answer as he again clamped his hand over the young wrestler's mouth and positioned his massive cock at Jeff's entrance, then with one hard thrust buried himself to the hilt, reveling in Jeff's muffled cries of anguish. So, so slowly he pulled out, then thrust into him again, harder than before. He repeated this several times, then as his breathing began to get heavier and heavier he gave way to an almost frantic rhythm, pushing harder and harder as he built to the greatest orgasm of his life. In Jeff's almost lifeless body every nerve screamed in agony as Kane released his seed inside him. Holding Jeff's hips to enjoy the pleasure for as long as possible, Kane allowed his breathing to return to normal, then pulled out of him, allowing the young Hardy to collapse, curling himself into a ball, sobbing his heart out.

"Bitch, that's something one of you pretty boys has needed for a long time. The monster will always win." Kane's laugh was deep and guttural. Then he bent down, to hiss in Jeff's ear, "Now you know the pain I've suffered every day of my life."

When Jeff lifted his head again, he was gone.

Jeff didn't know what to do. His whole body ached, he knew he was bleeding, and didn't think he could stand. But the thought that someone might find him like this, that terrified Jeff too. Out of the haze of pain in his mind he thought of his cell phone, in the pocket of his jeans. Trembling hands located the phone, but Jeff worried about who to call. Matt was out with Sean, he couldn't disturb them, and he didn't want Matt to know. Jay, he was with the other guys, and they mustn't know. Chris. But they'd fought. But Jeff's heart was screaming inside for his lover to come and hold him and tell him everything was gonna be OK.

Shaking, Jeff pressed the speed dial and hoped that Chris would answer.

"Yeah?" came the tear-broken voice on the other end of the line.

"Chris." Jeff managed to choke out before sobs took over again.

"Jeff, what's happened? Are you OK?"

"No." was all Jeff managed to say.

Chris was panicking now. "Baby where are you?"

"Bar. Alex's .. Bathroom." Jeff was whispering now, choking out words between the violent tears and sobs.

Chris knew the place. "I'll be there in a few minutes baby. It's gonna be OK Jeffie, I'll be there soon."

"Scared Chris, need you here." Despondent, Jeff hung up. Suddenly he felt very alone.

Chris was true to his word. He regretted arguing with Jeff, he'd never meant too. Jeff was the only good thing in Chris' life. The Canadian was battling depression, was embroiled in a vicious feud with Kane, and he'd taken out his frustrations on his young lover. For a while Jeff had taken the abuse, but then they'd started arguing more and more. But each time they'd needed each other too much to stay apart, and now was no exception.

He was there within five minutes, entering the bar and walking straight to the bathroom, not even looking at any of his fellow wrestlers who were still patronizing the establishment. They saw nothing unusual in Chris' actions: they knew Jeff was in there, and the couple had fought often enough for this to be almost the norm. Kane, sat in a dark corner, coughed and Chris looked over to him. Kane smiled sadistically, but Chris ignored him and pushed his way into the bathroom.

"Jeffie?" He heard a movement in one of the cubicles as Jeff tried to sit up a little, and gently pushed open that cubicle door. "Jeff baby? Are you in there?"

"Chris." Jeff began sobbing again, hiding his face in his hands.

Chris looked in horror at the sight that lay before him. His lover was slumped on the floor, crying, his jeans still around his ankles and blood starting to dry on his body.

"Jesus Christ Jeffie." He fell to his knees and scooped Jeff up into his arms, holding him tightly. Jeff pulled his arms around Chris' neck and cried into his shoulder.

"Hurts Chris. hurt … so.. . much. scared." He stammered.

A few tears trickled down Chris' cheeks. "Jeffie angel. It's gonna be OK Jeffie. Who did this to you?" He rubbed his lover's back tenderly, trying to calm him down, trying to calm his anger at what he guessed had happened.

"He raped me Chris." Jeff whispered. "Kane.. it was him. It hurt. so . bad."

"Oh baby." Chris cursed in his mind. "I won't let him hurt you again, I promise." That all too familiar feeling of guilt came into Chris' mind. He caused this, he must have. "Jeffie I'm so sorry baby." He tried to stay strong, tried to keep back his anger for now, and concentrate on caring for Jeff. "Angel, I'm gonna get you out of here, my car's outside, ok?" Tenderly he helped Jeff to stand, dying inside each time Jeff winced as he gingerly pulled up his boxers and jeans, the younger wrestler crying bitterly.

"Don't let them see me like this." Jeff started panicking. "I don't want them to see me, they mustn't know."

"Sure darling, OK." Chris stroked back his hair gently. "Listen, it'll be alright, I promise. It's OK angel."

Jeff splashed some cold water on his elfin face, relieving the puffiness around his eyes a little, then looked up at Chris with fear in his eyes.

"Chris, is he still out there?"

The Canadian pulled Jeff close to him. "He was." He admitted quietly, "but I'll never let him hurt you again, I promise."

"Can we go?"

Chris slipped his arm around Jeff's slim waist, and walking slowly, led him out to the car. As they walked past Kane the blond could feel the monster's piercing gaze burning into his back, and Chris' blood boiled. Kane had crossed the line now, and their feud would never be the same.

Jeff got into the car as quickly as he could, desperate to get away from the place. Chris made sure he was OK, then got in and drove off.

"I'm taking you to hospital Jeff." Jeff's physical condition had worried and shocked him, even by what he'd seen only briefly.

"No Chris you can't." Jeff's green eyes filled with easy tears again. "I won't. I can't."

"Ok darling." Chris acted quickly to calm him down. "I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. I'll take you back to the hotel, OK?"

Jeff nodded his assent and the rest of the journey was spent in silence. As soon as they got back, Chris whisked Jeff up to their room, but when they got inside he just didn't know what to do. He stood and looked at Jeff nervously, terrified that whatever he did, it would be the wrong thing.

"Chris. I'm scared, I'm so scared. Please… don't reject me, I need you." Jeff whispered, his entire body trembling.

Immediately Chris put his arms around his lover's neck. "I would never reject you baby, I love you. I just wish I knew what I could do to make it better for you."

"I feel dirty, and it hurts so much, and. and." Jeff closed his eyes. "I just want the pain to stop."

Chris took a deep breath; this was going to be difficult. "Jeffie, you know I won't hurt you, don't you?" Jeff nodded. "Darling, will you let me look, see what he did to you?"

Slowly Jeff pulled off his shoes and socks, then, looking up at Chris undid his jeans and allowed them to fall to the floor. Shaking, he pushed his boxers over his hips, stepping out of them to stand in front of his lover.

Chris knelt behind Jeff, gently touching his skin. Jeff flinched, even the slightest pressure was agonizing. Chris' keen eyes soon spotted where Jeff was bleeding from, and the bruises that were beginning to form.

"Oh angel." Chris choked back sobs. "What has he done?" Quickly he got to his feet and embraced Jeff, calming somewhat as he felt him relax into his arms. "Jeff, baby, I... I… I wish I could stop it hurting for you, I wish I could make it better."

"I wish you could." Jeff sniffed. "It hurts so much Chris."

"Sweetheart, you should go to a doctor. He…. might have done some serious damage."

"I'm scared Chris. I don't want anyone to know." The younger wrestler buried his head in Chris' chest. "No one must know."

Chris thought for a moment, then had an idea. "The consultant who recommended my therapist works out of this town. He's good Jeffie, you could see him."

Jeff looked up, wide-eyed. "No one else would know?"

"No angel. No one else. He has his own surgery and I can call him and tell him we're coming over if you want."

"Please." Jeff's voice was soft. "So scared, it hurts so much babe."

"Shhh. Let me call Doctor Callahan and he'll help you angel." While Jeff pulled on his boxers Chris called the surgery, explaining the situation as briefly as possible. The doctor was sympathetic, and suggested that he could come over to Chris' hotel room instead. Chris felt that this would be best for Jeff, so he agreed.

Chris held Jeff tightly in his arms all the time they were waiting, whispering soothing words, trying to be supportive but feeling like he was failing miserably.

Chris had phoned down to reception to tell them to let their guest come straight up to the room. When there was a knock on the door Jeff tensed, but Chris reassured him that everything would be OK.

The doctor was brisk but kind. He didn't ask Jeff about what happened, just tended to him carefully. He'd seen situations like this before, so knew better than to probe too deeply. He'd also been counseling Chris a while ago, so knew that Jeff would be in good hands.

"Jeff, you're gonna be sore for a while but that will ease." Doctor Callahan told the young wrestler, who had retreated back into Chris' arms as soon as the treatment had finished, "I'd advise you to wait a while before having sex though, until you feel comfortable, OK?"

Jeff nodded. "Thank you so much. I. I was so worried that…."

"Don't worry." The doctor cut him off. "What happened goes no further than this room. You need to relax now and get some rest. Let Chris look after you."

"Chris made Jeff lie down, then walked to the door with the doctor.

"Everything is OK isn't it?" Chris asked quietly.

"Yes, don't worry." The doctor sighed. "I should warn you though, when you do have sex, you'll have to be incredibly gentle with him. Physically he'll be fine but mentally he's gonna be very scared. He needs to know that you love him and won't hurt him, OK?"

The Canadian nodded solemnly. "Thank you so much for this."

He waved this away. "Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself too Chris. You're still fragile. Don't neglect your own needs."

With this advice he left, and Chris returned to Jeff's side. The younger Hardy was laid, eyes wide open and staring at Chris. He reached out his arms, inducing Chris to join him on the bed, wrapping his arms around him.

"Chris, what did he say to you?" Jeff asked cautiously. The multi-colored hair was pushed back, revealing the whole of his innocent face.

"Just that I have to look after you and love you baby. Anything you want, I'm here to do it for you."

"For now, just hold me please. Don't leave me Chris, please. Don't let us fight, or be apart again."

"I'll try Jeffie." 'don't let us fight.' Those words struck a chord in Chris' mind. If they hadn't fought, then this would never have happened. And Chris always believed that he was to blame for their fights. It was always down to his problems. He'd been feuding with Kane, and Kane had attacked Jeff. He'd prompted the attack by his actions. He'd caused his baby to suffer all this pain. In his mind, clouded by his depression, Chris absolved Kane of all blame and lay it solely on his own shoulders.

Read Part 2 of 2 of Sockospice's We Can't Hurt like This