Jeff awoke the next morning before Mark, before most of the world was stirring. For a moment everything seemed normal, like it had been ever since he'd been with Mark. But then last night crept into his mind like the clouds over the sun, and all that Jeff could see was darkness. A darkness that threatened to envelope everything around him, a darkness that had a name. Matthew Hardy.

Jeff knew his decision was simple. Lose Mark or lose his father. So either way he lost and either way someone was hurt. And either way Jeff would hurt, he would have his heart torn out of his chest no matter what he did. To make that decision would decide whom he loved more, and that was something he wasn't prepared to do. It was something he couldn't do, because he really didn't know.

Jeff had been living under that dark cloud that masqueraded as his brother for years now. He didn't know if it was jealousy or pure hate that made Matt the way he was. That had turned the loving brother into a violent, possessive, controlling one. He just knew that it had happened. And he knew it had to stop. The problem was, he could think of only one way to stop it.

Kissing Mark's cheek so gently, so as not to wake him, Jeff took one last mournful look at his lover, his saviour, his dream, and retreated to the bathroom. Calmly on the surface but trembling inside, he selected one of his especially sharp razors, the one he used to etch those intricate patterns on his face. Almost as if it wasn't him, as if he was outside his body, looking down, watching the scene, he drew the blade deeply across his wrist, hearing the soft cry of agony. Then the same with the other wrist, this a little more of a struggle and a less deep cut, but a bitter one all the same. And another cry of pain, agony and regret.

Mark awoke suddenly, as though disturbed by a sound. He looked around, knowing something wasn't right but not sure what. Seeking contentment, he turned over to where his lover should be, to wrap his arms around that lithe body and find pleasure again. But he did not find what he sought, he found nothing. And he realised the cause of his fear.

"Jeff?" The older man stood up and groaned as his weary bones creaked. "Where are you honey?"

He thought he heard a slight sound, a soft plaintive calling of his name, and walked over to the bathroom.

"Jeff!" Immediately he knelt down by his lover's side. "Oh god baby, what have you done?" Grabbing a couple of towels, he wrapped them around Jeff's wrists as best he could. "I'm gonna call an ambulance babe, you are not leaving me, not this way."

"Mark…" Jeff's voice was weakening by the minute. "Love you."

"No, Jeff don't do this." Frantic, Mark called 911, his demeanour now a complete contrast to the stoic, ice-cool personality he exuded on screen. He quickly returned to his lover's side and tried to remember those long, long ago high school first aid classes. He put pressure over the towels, trying to stem the flow of blood. Then as Jeff's eyes rolled he remembered something.

"Don't you leave me Jeff, I'm not gonna let you die." He knew he had to keep Jeff from going into unconsciousness. "Don't let Matt win baby, he doesn't deserve to win."

"No… this way." Jeff whimpered in pain, but continued. "This way… if I die… I win, cos… he… he can't control me… any more…"

"No baby…" Mark had to keep him alive, he had to keep him conscious. "Baby, when you're better we'll beat him… we won't let him control you no more… but you have to stay with me… you have to stay alive."

"I'm sorry Mark." Jeff closed his eyes, feelings of sleep and pain washing over him.

"No, Jeff, don't you go unconscious. Don't you leave me." Mark almost shook him. "The ambulance will be here in a minute, just hang on please, please sweetheart."

Somehow Mark kept him awake until the medics arrived. They quickly got to work, pushing the older man out of the way and making him watch as they endeavoured to save his lover.

"Who are you? Are you a relative?" One of the medics asked.

"I'm his partner," Mark replied gruffly, trying to mask the tears in his voice. "I'm coming with him."

"Fine, we'll need the name of next of kin and all his details when we get to hospital."

Mark nodded and followed them out to the ambulance. He sat by Jeff's side, helpless as they continued to work on him. He could do nothing now. Nothing except pray, something that he hadn't done for many, many years. He'd always thought that god hated him, he'd never asked for anything from him before, but now, all he wanted was for Jeff to be OK and he'd do anything for that to happen.

After giving all Jeff's details he was ushered to a private room where all he could do was wait. He didn't know what to do. He'd given the medics Jeff's father's number, and Matt's. He didn't know what Matt would do when he found out. He didn't know anything any more. Hell, he didn't even know if Jeff was going to be OK.

An eternity passed and there was still no news. Mark was surprised that Matt hadn't arrived yet. They'd all been staying at the same hotel after all. He began to wonder exactly what was going on in that head: the darker, elder Hardy. On the surface he seemed so calm and rational, those hazel eyes that betrayed none of his real feelings. His real feelings of rage and anger and hatred. That was why people found it so hard to believe the way he had treated Jeff. Mark knew now that those hazel eyes were not devoid of emotion, they showed the true, dark, evil Matt.

A doctor entered the room. "Mr… erm… Calloway?"

Mark stood up. "Yeah. Is Jeff OK?"

"We've stabilised his condition."

"Which means he'll be OK, right?" That was the only thing Mark needed to know.

"Physically, yes. We'll need to have Mr. Hardy assessed by a psychiatrist before he can be released though. We need to know why he did this."

"Can I see him?"

"Yes. Follow me. I need to talk to Jeff a little and it will probably help him if he has someone there with him."

As soon as Mark set his eyes on Jeff he ran over to him, wanting to gather him up in his arms and hold him, but scared to in case he hurt him, and unable to because Jeff's heavily bandaged arms were held to the side of the bed in loose but secure restraints.

"Jeff, baby I'm so glad you're OK." He settled for stroking Jeff's pale cheek tenderly. The younger man looked weak and exhausted, but he smiled a little at his lover.

"Sorry for scaring you Mark."

"Baby, it doesn't matter now. Just get better for me, yeah?"

The doctor coughed to get their attention. "Mr. Hardy, Mr. Calloway, I need to talk to both of you about this. We're concerned for Jeff. We're concerned he may attempt to take his own life again, this is why we've put the restraints on. Jeff, our psychiatrist will talk to you about why you tried to do this. He'll be down to see you shortly."

"I don't need this doctor, I won't do it again."

"We can't take the risk Jeff. Maybe after the psychiatrist's spoken to you…"

"OK." Jeff was too tired to fight any more.

The doctor left and the couple were momentarily alone.

"Don't ask me why Mark…" Jeff began, but Mark stopped him.

"I know why Jeff. I understand you. You thought that if you died, you wouldn't have to choose between your family and me. You thought that was the only way Matt could be out of your life."

"How do you know?"

Mark kissed his forehead. "Cos I know you now. I'm starting to figure out what's going on in your head. It'll take time, but I want to know."

"Thank you."

They were interrupted by a nurse. "Jeff, your father's here."

Slowly he walked into the room. "Jeff, son what have you done?"

Jeff burst into tears. "I'm sorry dad, but I thought I had no choice… he left me no way out."

"Matt?"

Jeff looked up in surprise. "How did you know?"

Gilbert sighed. "Jeff, I'm not blind. I noticed how Matt would claim to take care of you but would then badmouth you to me all the time. I was going to do something but then you seemed better all of a sudden. I didn't know what the change was but, just as long as it was doing you good, I was happy with it. So what did Matt do that made you do this Jeff?"

"He gave me an ultimatum." Jeff sniffed. "He said, I had to give up what was making me happy… or he'd make you hate me."

"Jeff I could never hate you." Gilbert ruffled his hair affectionately. He was never much one for physical affection. "No matter what he said." He looked up at Mark and smiled. "You must be the one that made my boy happy."

Mark held out his hand. "Mark Calloway. It's good to meet you."

"Thank you Mark."

Jeff just watched in wonder. "Dad… it doesn't bother you that I'm gay? Matt always said you'd disown me for sure."

"Matt doesn't know me as well as he thinks. Jeff, you're my son and I love you. Nothing will ever change that."

"Thanks Dad." For the first time in a while, Jeff smiled, a beaming smile that lit up the room. Maybe everything would be OK now.

"Don't thank me." Gilbert smiled. "Now where's that brother of yours. I've got a few things I need to say to him."

Mark gave him directions to the hotel and he left. Jeff looked up at his lover. "Why did it take this for me to know how Dad felt?"

"It doesn't matter now Jeff. Let's just see this psychiatrist guy, get you strong enough, then we're going home."

"Home?"

"Texas Jeff. You need time to get over this. I'll get Vince to give us some time off."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Thank you Mark. I love you." Jeff winced as he tried to move these arms. "I love you so much."

The psychiatrist entered the room. "Jeff? Can we talk?"

Jeff nodded slowly. "Can you get these restraints off me? I'm not gonna do anything stupid again."

"That's what I'm here to decide." He sat down, and pulled out a notepad. Then he looked up at Mark.

"You are?"

"Mark Calloway. Jeff's partner."

"I see." He nodded and continued. "Jeff, I'm gonna come straight out. Why did you do this?"

"I didn't see any way out. My brother has controlled me for years and it finally came to a head. He basically said that I had to finish with Mark or he'd make sure my family would never speak to me again. I couldn't see any way out, so I tried to kill myself."

"I see. And have things changed?"

"Yes. I spoke to my Dad, and he said that he'd always love me, no matter what. And Mark has been helping me get past my brother's control and with him I think I can. I know now I don't have to make a choice."

"You look happier now Jeff, happier than when I came in." The psychiatrist made a few more notes and nodded. "I'd like you to seek some help, when you get home, but I don't think you're any immediate risk to yourself." He helped Mark to undo the restraints. "Good luck. I hope you get over this Jeff."

After he left Mark hugged Jeff properly for the first time. "Don't do that to me again, please Jeff. Whatever it is, we'll work things out."

"I'm sorry Mark, I'm sorry for scaring you."

"It doesn't matter now Jeff. Just promise me you won't do anything like this again."

"I promise." Jeff turned his palms upwards and looked at the bandages that covered his arms.

Mark lifted one arm and kissed it. "Things will be better from now on Jeff. I'll make sure of it."