"Hello Jeff." Amy Dumas' voice stopped the younger Hardy in his tracks and he turned around in shock.

"Amy… what are you doing here?" he asked softly. "I thought you quit."

"No… I just had to take some time off." She smiled. "I couldn't wrestle while I was pregnant. Then I couldn't travel while she was so little. But now I'm back."

"You what?" Jeff's eyes lit up. "When… Amy…" His voice trailed away and he was lost for words.

"Her name's Jessica and she's four months old. She's with Torrie right now." Amy's face changed and a darkness crossed her eyes. "Don't get any ideas Jeff. She isn't yours."

"Then who? Amy, cos… thirteen months ago we were still together, she… she could be mine." Jeff's innocent eyes clouded over in hurt. He'd still been happy with Amy then, and he'd thought she'd been happy too. "Didn't you hurt me enough when you finished with me? Why spring this on me now?"

She laughed. "I thought I should let you know myself. You'd find out soon enough. I just wanted you to know that she isn't yours so stay away from the both of us. I heard about you since I left. You've really changed Jeff. Who are you dating now? Chris Jericho? Jeff, I am not letting a fag near my kid, so stay away, understand?"

"How can you say that?" The words cut through Jeff like a knife. "I want proof she's not mine."

"I don't have to give you anything, you disgust me. But for your information, I was sleeping around. You didn't do it for me Jeff, I only stayed with you as long as I did cos it was convenient. Stay away from us Jeff." With a sickening smirk, she turned around and walked off.

Jeff fell against the wall, watching the girl who had once been his lover. He'd changed so much since then. Well, not even changed, just discovered who he really was. Chris made him happier than he'd ever been, made him realize what had been missing from his life before. He'd hoped that Amy would have been happy for him, that they could even be friends, but after what she'd said… he felt like his heart was about to shatter into a million pieces. All the certainty he'd had about what he was had disappeared.

"Hey baby." Chris walked up to the younger man and kissed his cheek. As Jeff recoiled involuntarily he pulled back, his face clouded in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Amy's back." Those two words told Chris enough, but Jeff continued. "She knows about you and me and she says we disgust her. And she has a four month old baby girl who she says isn't mine. She says I have to stay away from her because I disgust her."

The look of devastation in Jeff's eyes was like a knife in Chris' heart. "Oh baby." He allowed Jeff into his arms and held him reassuringly. "It'll be OK, I'm here, I'll take care of you, I won't let her hurt you again. Don't listen to her baby, you and me are doing nothing wrong. We love each other, and nothing else matters, nothing and nobody else."

"She's already hurt me Chris," Jeff murmured. "She said she was sleeping around when she was with me… she won't even let me near the baby… it could be my kid and I can't even see her. It isn't fair."

"If she's yours then Amy can't stop you. Let me talk to Amy." That wasn't something Chris looked forward to doing. Amy wasn't known as 'The Bitch' for nothing. "If she's got nothing to hide she'll agree to a DNA test."

"At least I'd know." Jeff looked up, his eyes blurred with tears.

"And if she is your baby Amy can't stop you seeing her," Chris comforted. "I'll talk to her later. Right now we have to go out there and wrestle. I'll meet you in the locker room afterwards, take you back to the hotel, then go talk to her. I know where she's staying, we're all at the same place cos we're here for so long. A whole week, isn't it?"

"Yeah… and we were gonna have fun… it's not often we stay in the same place for so long… and I've ruined it. But… thank you." Jeff's voice was soft. "You do so much for me. I don't deserve it."

"You're worth it, and you haven't ruined anything." Chris knew he was worth it. That was why he was prepared to do anything for him, even go to Amy. For he suddenly realized that he was one of the people Amy had cheated on Jeff with, which meant he could also be the father of Amy's child. For Jeff to find out how Chris had betrayed him back then would break his heart, Chris just hoped that he never would find out.

********************************

As promised, Chris made sure Jeff was settled back at the hotel, then made his way to Amy's room. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. A few seconds later it was flung open and a frazzled Amy looked up.

"What the fuck do you want? Did Jeff not tell you that I don't want you corrupting my child?"

Chris shook his head, and walked into the room. "Fuck off Amy. That could be Jeff's child and if she is you have no right to stop him seeing her."

The little girl was asleep in a small cot, the room a complete mess; Amy obviously wasn't coping with traveling with a child very well. Chris looked at the baby: she had blond hair, and was sleeping so peacefully for a moment it reminded the Canadian of Jeff, and how he would sit for hours and watch the younger man sleep.

"She's not Jeff's." Amy sat down wearily and looked up at Chris. For a moment she sounded so sincere he almost believed her.

"Then who?"

Amy shook her head. "Fuck off Chris. It's nothing to do with you."

"Tell me Amy, at least so that I can tell Jeff and stop him worrying about this. You know how much a family means to him."

"No. It's nothing to do with you, and it's definitely nothing to do with him, so leave it." She was progressively more reticent and was cringing in her chair.

The realization dawned on the blond. "You don't know, do you? You were sleeping around so much you don't have a clue." The shame on her face confirmed it. "Jesus Amy, it could be Jeff, you really don't know."

"It could be you." She spat back, regaining her composure. "Does Jeff know that I cheated on him with you? Does he know that you have as much chance of being Jessica's dad as he does?"

"What do you think?" Now it was Chris' turn to look ashamed. "It would break his heart. Look Amy, please… let Jeff take a DNA test, let him know one way or another."

"On one condition." She smirked, irritating the hell out of Chris. "If Jeff isn't the father, you take the DNA test too."

"You have to be joking. How am I gonna explain that to Jeff? Do you want us to split up?"

"I don't give a shit about your relationship. It's unnatural and sick, two guys together. But if Jeff wants to know, that's the deal. Take it or leave it. But… if either of you are the father, don't think that I'll let you see her. My baby is not being brought up to have her mind warped by your sick ways."

"Fine… but Amy, when did you get so bitter? I thought you were more broad-minded than that. I won't try and justify our relationship to you, I'll just tell you that me and Jeff love each other and there is nothing sick about that. He's happy with me, why do you want to ruin that? Why do you hate him so much, to treat him like you did when you were dating, and now this?"

"I don't hate him, back then he was just naïve and easy to use. But now, I hate what he's become, and I hate what you are. You two don't love each other, you can't. I'll just wait and see how much Jeff loves you when you have to tell him you slept with me." Amy laughed and pointed at the door. "Go on, get out. Don't get any ideas about coming round to see her. Just organize the DNA test and we'll be there."

Chris left, knowing that if Jeff wasn't the father, their whole world might be about to fall apart.

**********************************

He went for a walk before going back to his and Jeff's hotel room. He had to compose himself, figure out how he was going to deal with this. There was a good chance that Jeff wasn't the father, which would mean that his affair with Amy would come to light. And that would tear Jeff apart. When he'd split up with Amy, Jeff had really hit the rocks, sinking into a depression that even Matt hadn't been able to bring him out of. Slowly Chris' friendship had helped him to come to terms with the end of the relationship, and that friendship had turned into something else. Chris had always known that he was bisexual, and he had tentatively helped Jeff explore his own sexuality, always worried that people would think that he was pressuring the younger man. But the day that Jeff had looked into his eyes and told him that he loved him had reassured Chris that Jeff was happy, and that this was right for him. Jeff may be young and naïve, but he knew his own mind and his self. And Amy seemed to be intent on destroying what happiness they had. If Jeff knew what Chris had done, it would bring up all those doubts in his mind about the Canadian, the words of all their friends who had questioned Chris' motives. And he would lose Jeff's trust… and possibly worse of all, his love. But it was a risk he had to take, to give Jeff a chance of happiness, a chance of having a child. That had been one of the biggest sadnesses of Jeff's coming to terms with his sexuality; that if he was with Chris, he could never have a child, a family. It was something that still cut deeply, and for Amy to give him that glimmer of hope, only to take it away again, was downright cruel. That was why he'd take this risk. For Jeff, he'd do anything.

************************

Jeff was in bed when Chris got back, dozing restlessly. He looked up at his lover with hopeful green eyes that shone with unshed tears. All while he'd been waiting for Chris, he'd feared the worst.

"If you organize the test, she agrees to it." Chris said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Jeff sat up, delighted. "Oh Chris, thank you so much." He hugged the Canadian happily. "If she's mine Chris… oh god I can't even think that…"

"Baby you can't get your hopes up." Chris knew he wouldn't be able to handle Jeff's disappointment as well as having to reveal his secret. "You don't know what the test will say. I'll arrange it tomorrow, for as soon as possible."

"Thank you." Jeff lay back down again. "Come to bed?"

Chris quickly undressed and slipped under the covers, wrapping his arms protectively around his lover. "Promise me you'll try not to worry too much, or get your hopes up… I'd hate to see you upset babe," he whispered. "I hope that Jessica's yours too, but whatever the result, I still love you and you will still be the most important person in my life, and just because Amy hurt you… it doesn't mean that I will, I would never hurt you intentionally. And… and whatever happens, I love you, you know that, don't you?"

"I know, I love you too," Jeff murmured, snuggling close to the older man and slowly drifting off to sleep.

As he watched Jeff sleep Chris felt his heart sink, knowing that he might lose his baby. He stroked back the purple hair and sighed. This next week or so would be hell. Why did that bitch come back? Just when Jeff was happy, she reappeared with the bombshell that Chris just knew, in the pit of his stomach, would tear everything apart.

***************************

They managed to get an appointment for the next day, and the results would be known two days after that. Neither Jeff nor Chris saw Amy the whole time; Jeff had his blood test before Amy had even arrived with Jessica. He'd wanted to wait around, just to see the baby, but Chris had advised him against it. He knew what Amy was like, and knew that if she taunted Jeff in any way, it would crucify him.

The hospital had agreed to call Jeff and Amy with the results as soon as they had them, consequently Jeff didn't go anywhere without his cell phone. He was frantic, doing exactly what Chris had told him not to and getting excited and hopeful. In his heart he truly believed that Jessica was his baby. He saw it as the missing piece in his life, the one thing he yearned for over any other.

Amy seemed calm as anything, not at all bothered about what was going on. She ignored Jeff whenever she saw him and made sure that he and Chris couldn't even catch a glimpse of the child. The only time either of them had seen her was when Chris had been to see Amy that one time. Jeff had questioned his lover about Jessica: the color of her hair, her features, any glimmer of information that could help him form an image in his mind.

Two days later as Jeff had just arrived in the locker room his cell phone rang. The number of the hospital consultant showed up on the display. Nervous, Jeff took Chris' hand and answered the call. Chris could tell everything from the look on his lover's face, and as the younger man hung up all of his emotions spilled out.

"She's not mine Chris… she's not mine." Jeff burst into tears, everything getting too much for him. "I wanted her to be mine so badly and she isn't."

"I'm sorry baby, I know it hurts, I'm so sorry." Chris comforted him as best he could, knowing that the worst was yet to come. "But try and be brave, for me? Just for a little while, then when Amy and everyone else has gone and when we've had our matches I'll look after you, OK?"

Jeff nodded tearfully. "I don't want her to know how much she hurt me."

Right on cue Amy walked into the room. "I told you so." She spat at Jeff. "Now stay away from us." She looked at Chris, a look unseen by Jeff, which said everything about the situation. It would be Chris' turn next. Amy looked quite pleased, as if she wanted to know who her baby's father was but only at the expense of other people's feelings. For now Chris ignored her and cared for Jeff, but while the younger Hardy was wrestling Amy approached him.

"Chris, if you go to the hospital tomorrow they'll test and get back to you within a day. I've arranged for it to happen tomorrow morning. They still have Jessica's sample, so the test should be simple." She seemed to enjoy watching him squirm. "I think, either way, you should tell Jeff. I mean, what's a relationship if not based on honesty? I know what you two have is unnatural, but you could at least pretend to be normal."

Chris had been asking himself that. Why didn't he tell Jeff? He loved Jeff and would never denigrate their relationship by suggesting otherwise. But it was an impossible situation. If he took the test and it showed that he wasn't the baby's father, how could he continue lying to his lover, how could he say that he would never hurt Jeff when he already had. And if he was the baby's dad? That would surely just destroy Jeff and any love he had for the Canadian. The whole situation was a tangled mess, and it would surely get more tangled unless he did something about it. He had to tell Jeff, and he had to tell him tonight.

**************************

Jeff had traveled straight back to the hotel with Matt, the situation with Amy obviously upsetting him. He'd gone straight to his room and straight to bed, burying his head in the pillows and crying broken heartedly. He wanted Chris, he wanted someone to hold him and comfort him, but most of all he wanted to be Jessica's father. All he'd ever wanted had been taken from him, and he felt lost and scared. Unsure, he lay in bed, awaiting Chris' return, needing the Canadian near to him. With Chris there, everything would be OK.

****************************

When Chris opened the hotel room door, he saw his young lover's tearstained face and immediately ran to him, lifting him into his arms and holding him tightly, fighting tears of his own as Jeff broke down again.

"Chris… it hurts so much… it's not fair Chris." Jeff sobbed into his lover's shoulder, holding him tightly, as if he was afraid that he would lose him too. "I wanted… it was all I wanted… I would have been a good daddy."

"I know you would baby. And I know it hurts." Chris summoned up all of his courage to say this. "Baby, there is something I have to tell you, and it might hurt you too. I never wanted to hurt you, it just… happened. I just want you to know that I love you and I will never hurt you again, I never meant to hurt you."

"What Chris? What did you do?" Jeff's childlike voice only served to heighten Chris' guilt and pain.

"You know Amy cheated on you." Jeff nodded. "Well… I was one of the people she cheated on you with. I only slept with her the one time… she told me you guys were over… I'd never have hurt you… not like that… it was just a stupid moment. I'm sorry."

Chris studied Jeff's face, and was destroyed to see the devastation that marred his features. The younger man began sobbing again, his whole body shaking. "Why?" He asked tearfully. "Why her? Why tell me now Chris?"

"I'm sorry, I can't explain why, it just happened." That was the truth. They'd both been late to leave the arena after a show, and one thing had led to another.

"Why tell me now?"

"Because baby… I don't know how to say this." How do you utter the words that will potentially destroy someone's life?

"Say it."

"Jessica… she could be mine. Amy wants me to do the DNA test tomorrow." Now it was too much for Chris, and he burst into tears, turning away from Jeff and sobbing into his hands. "She could be mine and I hate myself because you wanted that so much and I could have ruined it for you."

Both lay in silence, the stillness only broken by sniffles and sobbing. Neither knew what to do, what to say. Both wanted to take the other into his arms and hold him and tell him it would be OK, but neither could bring themselves to do that. Jeff felt betrayed, worse than he could have ever imagined. He never ever thought that Chris would hurt him. Anyone else, he could have expected it, he'd been hurt before, but… never Chris. Chris had been the one who'd helped him discover what he was, who he was, the one who had never pressured him, never got angry with him, let him make his own mistakes, held him when it all blew up in his face, touched him so tenderly, even… loved him, loved him when no one else seemed to. Loved him honestly and unconditionally. But Chris had hurt him. Chris had slept with Amy.

But Chris said that he didn't know. He thought they'd split. He'd hurt him, but he'd never meant to. Jeff looked over at the Canadian and saw him crying and his heart broke. He never meant for Chris to hurt like this either. He hated seeing Chris like this, hated knowing that he'd caused it. But there was a little part of him that was so confused and scared. What if Jessica was Chris' child? The thing that Jeff wanted the most, it could be so close to him and snatched away so cruelly. Cos even if Jessica was Chris', Amy still wouldn't let him see her. Amy was still the one who held all the cards, no matter what happened between the two of them. And she would love it if they split up. She would be so satisfied. Jeff couldn't give her that. He couldn't continue the relationship just to spite her either. He truly loved Chris. Truly and with all his heart. And he couldn't give that up.

"Chris honey?" Jeff sniffed and looked up, looked over to his lover's crying, sobbing form and any ice left in his heart melted. "Don't reject me. I love you."

Chris looked up, almost not believing that his angel was willing to forgive him. The certainty on Jeff's face, framed by tears and heartache, was enough to make him burst into tears again. "Jeffie I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you baby I love you. I love you so much Jeff please forgive me."

"Chris… just come up here and hold me, please hold me." Jeff was sobbing again, so immediately the Canadian rushed over to him and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

"Jeffie, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry baby," he whispered, rocking his shaking body gently. "I'm sorry, so, so sorry. It was a mistake, I never meant…"

"Shhh." Jeff put his finger to Chris' lips. "It doesn't matter now."

"But what about Jessica… what if she's mine? Jeff?" This was the crunch for their relationship. If they survived this, they would survive anything.

"Don't. I don't want to talk about it. Just hold me, for tonight, please just hold me and pretend everything's OK."

Chris held him tightly, letting him rest his head on his chest and stroking his hair tenderly. Even though Jeff was now calm, Chris could still feel the pain and hurt inside him, the way he would tense up, or how a shiver would run down his spine. All he wanted was to take the pain away, even to suffer it himself if it meant that Jeff didn't have to. Someone so fragile and beautiful didn't deserve to be hurt. He wished it could all be over now, but it could yet get worse. If only he could shield Jeff from all the pain, let him sleep until all of this was over and everything back to normal. But he couldn't. His naïve, gentle, innocent little Jeff would have to accept the pain, that way… it would be the only way to get through this without it destroying him.

**************************

Chris went to the hospital the next day, and the test was completed quickly. The nurse told him that she would call as soon as possible, and Chris left, retreating to his lover's arms, arms that were supportive right now, for Jeff knew only too well what Chris was going through.

"Baby, what are we gonna do?" Chris asked softly, kissing Jeff's cheek tenderly. "If Jessica's mine, what are we gonna do?"

"I don't know Chris." Jeff blinked, and his eyes filled with yet more tears that would no doubt be shed. "Do you want a relationship with her?"

"I don't know." Chris hadn't let himself think about the possibility. "Amy won't want me to see her, but… I don't know." He closed his eyes, this was all too much, his head ached, his eyes stung with tears, and his heart was broken.

v"If she's yours…" Jeff began, "if she is yours, and you want to see her, I won't stand in your way, if you want to take her out or whatever, I'll let you. It'll hurt like hell, but I wouldn't stand in your way."

"I won't hurt you again Jeff, I promised you that. If she's mine, and if Amy lets me see her, I'd like you to be with me. You're my partner Jeff, and Amy will have to accept that."

"Thank you." Jeff smiled a little. "Now we just have to wait, huh?"

Chris nodded. It may be just a few hours, but each second would seem like a day.

**************************

The cell phone rang, and immediately Chris grabbed it. He answered and spoke briefly with the disembodied voice on the other end of the line. Hanging up, he turned to Jeff.

"She's mine Jeff. The hospital's gonna call Amy and let her know."

Jeff stared at his lover. Throughout all of this, he'd refused to believe that Jessica could be Chris'. It had hurt too much to think that, to imagine his lover playing with his little girl while Jeff watched from the sidelines. "Oh Chris."

"What am I gonna do Jeff? I'm a father. I have a kid Jeff, and I don't know what the hell to do." Chris looked confused and scared. "I want to be a good dad, I want her to know who I am… but I'm scared. What if Amy won't let me see her, and what if I'm a bad father. I just want… I don't know what I want."

"Chris… baby I'm sorry I can't help you…I want you to be happy but I don't know if I can handle watching you with her." Jeff started sobbing again. "I'm sorry for being so self-absorbed but it hurts and it won't stop and I just want you to be happy."

"Shhh baby," Chris whispered, holding him again. "I want you to be happy too, and we're in this together. We need to work this out but I don't know how but I promise you that I will not allow you to be hurt by this. I'm scared Jeff. I probably should talk to Amy cos I need to work out what I'm gonna do… I mean she didn't even want me to see her. But… she's mine… I want to be a part of her life."

"I know but I'm still scared. I hurt and if Amy says no then you'll hurt and I don't want that but I don't know what to do to make it better." Jeff began kissing every inch of Chris' face. "Don't leave me Chris, please don't leave me… I'll do whatever you want… please."

"I won't leave you Jeffie." Chris sounded surprised. "I'll always love you baby. Always, and you'll always be by my side, throughout all of this. You're my lover and that makes you as much Jessica's dad as I am."

"Really?"

"Really baby." Chris sat back, emotionally exhausted. "It's you and me together babe, and nothing is going to ruin that."

They had clarity now, but not closure. Amy was still to be dealt with. She would not grant access to Jessica easily, and Chris envisioned taking drastic measures to see his daughter. But she was his. He knew that now, and there was no way he was giving her up.

***************************

Both wrestlers slept uneasily that night: Chris tossing and turning, hardly able to comprehend the responsibility that had come upon him overnight; Jeff wrought and full of angst, unable to comprehend the huge change that had overtaken his and Chris' relationship. As much as he wanted everything to stay the same, he knew it couldn't. Chris had responsibilities, for the first time since they had been together a part of the Canadian's life had nothing to do with Jeff. And it was that one part that Jeff wanted to be involved in, the one part Jeff wanted for his own.

For Chris, he had the added worry about Amy. He knew it was highly unlikely that Amy would grant him access to Jessica. So if he wanted a relationship with his daughter, he knew it would most likely take a court battle. And there was no guarantee that he would win. Despite the supposed equality of the age, he knew that some people would still discriminate against him because of his sexuality. And again Jeff would blame himself, would feel like he had lost yet another family because of what he was, who he was.

Jeff snuggled closer to the Canadian in his sleep, sighing softly. Carelessly but with every care in the world, Chris brushed a few strands of hair out of the younger man's eyes, momentarily marveling at the innocent beauty of this man who was little more than a child but in so many ways a man, his mind jaded and fragile. Chris wondered what was going on in that mind, what Jeff wanted him to do. Would Jeff want to be a part of what he and Jessica might have? Or would it hurt too much, to see the cozy family scene that he wanted so much but could never truly have? That was the last thing Chris ever wanted to do, to hurt Jeff. He hated seeing him hurting, knowing that Jeff was too perfect to hurt the way he often did. But what could he do? If he could take away the pain he would, but he knew there was no way he could ever do that. Settling in to yet another uneasy sleep, Chris figured the easiest way to sort this out would be to see Amy. She may be the mother of his child but her behavior gave him no softness, no feelings for her. The way she had treated Jeff, the way she treated him, it made him fear for his child. No way would he let Jessica grow up hating and manipulative, as her mother was. He owed his child that.

************************

Yet again Amy looked frazzled and stressed when Chris visited her. Jessica was crying and Chris immediately walked into the room and picked her up.

"Amy, she needs changing," he said quietly, rocking the baby gently while looking at her mother.

"Do I look like I've got fucking time? She'll have to wait," Amy spat furiously, grabbing what looked like her wrestling gear and throwing it into a bag. "I'll do it when I get to the arena."

"Amy she needs changing now. Let me do it." Chris found her changing mat and gently laid Jessica down. He removed the little girl's diaper and looked up at Amy. "What have you been doing to her? Look at this rash. Amy, you need to put something on this. Pass me that baby lotion."

Silently Amy did as she was told, watching Chris as he took care of the baby with practiced ease, having cousins that he'd often taken care of when he was younger. When he was finished he picked up Jessica and cuddled her until she stopped crying.

"Amy…" he wasn't sure how to phrase this, he didn't want to antagonize her. "If you're having trouble coping with Jessica, I'll look after her… me and Jeff would love to take care of her sometimes."

That familiar hard glare crossed Amy's face. "She's my baby and I won't have you two corrupting her." Angrily she snatched Jessica away, and the baby started crying again, and as much as Amy tried, the baby sensed her anger and wouldn't stop crying. Gently Chris took his daughter again and calmed her down.

"She's my baby too, and I have a right to see her. Either you let me spend time with her, or I'll take you to court and you'll be forced to let me see her. Understand?"

Amy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "OK. She's your kid, you can see her. But not Jeff. It's not natural, two men seeing each other, and I won't have her growing up thinking that it is."

Chris was shocked. "Amy, is it only your homophobia that makes you hate Jeff, or is there something else? What's he done to you?"

"He took Matt away from me… I was dating Matt, and we were happy, then suddenly he finished with me. He said that Jeff was fragile and needed his attention, and that family had to come first. And I hated Jeff… that's why when I dated him I cheated on him, I wanted him to hurt as much as I had. When I found out he was gay it just gave me more ammunition, he'd always known I was homophobic, and now I knew how to hurt him. Jessica was never meant to happen, she's just complicated things now. Especially you."

"You're using your child. I can't believe you'd be that cold." Chris was still digesting what Amy had told him but that one thing stood out. That her child was just a pawn in this, that Amy could treat her child in that way.

"So do you want to see her? You, on your own, no Jeff. Those are my conditions. And you know as well as I do your sexuality will count against you in court." Amy laughed.

"I'll agree to it." He couldn't let his child grow up not knowing him. Nothing could make him give that up, not even Jeff. When he held that child in his arms it was the most peaceful and wonderful feeling in the world and it meant everything to him. He loved Jeff but Jessica needed him, needed her father. He only hoped Jeff would accept that. He didn't want to lose Jeff, he couldn't lose Jeff… but he couldn't lose Jessica either. He hoped that it would never come to a choice, because it was one he wasn't prepared to make.

"Fine, you can have her tonight, I'm going out. But if I hear that Jeff has even seen her, you won't see her again, understand?" Amy was her cold, familiar self again. "Pick her up at seven."

Chris nodded. "Bye bye sweetheart," he whispered, tenderly kissing Jessica's forehead. "I love you." He lay her down and looked at Amy. "She's my baby too. Don't ever forget that."

Outside the room Chris wondered what the hell he had done. Nothing was ever easy, but Amy seemed insistent on doing whatever was necessary to hurt Jeff. He'd always known Amy had a crush on Matt, it had been common knowledge in the locker room. It was also common knowledge that Matt wasn't interested, but they had dated a few times. Chris realized that Matt had probably used Jeff as an excuse; he knew that Jeff had always been a little fragile and Matt had looked after him, trying to replace the mother they had lost. Everyone knew they were close and Matt had probably figured that Amy would believe that excuse. Unfortunately she had, and Matt had hurt his little brother without even realizing.

He went back to his hotel room, wondering how he was gonna tell Jeff what had just happened.

**************************

Jeff knew that Chris would try to shield him from the situation with Jessica. He knew that Chris worried, and wished that he didn't have to. But it hurt. He wished he could make the pain go away but he couldn't, and when he hurt, he knew Chris did too.

Whatever Chris decided with Amy, Jeff knew that he had to support him, he wanted to support him. It wouldn't be easy to win Amy over, and she might only agree with conditions. From experience Jeff knew what she was like. But he had never realised how manipulative she could be, he couldn't comprehend how someone could think that way, why someone would do that. He couldn't think the way she did, so he didn't know what she would say to Chris, what the conditions might be. All he could do was wait for Chris to return.

Eventually he heard the keycard click in the lock and Chris walked into the room. Jeff couldn't tell from his face what had happened.

"How is she?" Jeff asked softly.

"Jessica's fine, she's gorgeous." Momentarily Chris smiled. "But Amy… she's a bitch, she doesn't seem to care about Jessica, she was just letting her cry, she didn't change her diaper, I'm worried about the way she's treating her." As he'd walked back to the room, Chris had analyzed Amy's behavior, and his concern had grown.

"But what did Amy say?" Jeff just knew it wouldn't be good.

"She says I can see her."

"But?"

"Jeff, she doesn't want you having any contact." Chris knelt down at Jeff's feet. "I'm sorry, I didn't want her to say that but that was the condition for me seeing her… and she's so beautiful and she's my kid and I can't not see her."

"It's OK." Jeff caressed Chris' hair, forcing the Canadian's eyes to meet his own. "I knew Amy wouldn't make it easy. But she's your child and you have to be a part of her life. Especially if you think Amy's not coping. You have to be there to take care of Jessica."

"I know. Thank you baby."

Jeff's eyes had filled with tears and he was obviously hurting but he let it stay inside for now. Jessica was the important one. "You just concentrate on being a good daddy, and maybe one day Amy will change her mind, yeah?"

"I hope so Jeffie." Chris sat up and embraced him. "I'm glad you understand, this is such a big thing, I'm really gonna need your support."

"You've got me Chris. I'm always here." Jeff knew he would be, but at the same time wondered who was there to support him if he was about to break down.

****************************

As appointed, Chris made his way to Amy's room at seven, ready to spend some quality time with his daughter, for the first time. When he got there, he was surprised to see Amy ready to go out.

"Everything you need is in those bags," she said carelessly, "I'll be back at midnight. Bye." And she walked out without a care in the world, not even saying goodbye to her child, who was awake and gurgling happily in her cot.

Shaking his head, Chris walked over to the little cot and picked up his daughter. She smiled and waved her arms about.

"Hello Jessica," he said softly. "I'm your daddy, and I know I haven't been around much before, but I promise I'll be here from now on, to take care of you." The baby gurgled again. "Your mummy might tell you some bad things about me but I love you, never ever let her tell you I don't."

Content, Chris sat down, cradling the child in his arms. He'd never realised how big an effect this would have on him, but all thoughts of partying, the wild way he used to live, all disappeared when he stared down at the beautiful child in his arms. He gently rocked her to sleep, then lay her down in her cot and continued to watch her sleeping form.

This was where he belonged, with his child. Well, he knew that wasn't entirely true, because where he really belonged was with Jeff with his child. But Amy just wouldn't let that happen. Her mind was so warped by her love for Matt that she seemed willing to do anything to hurt Jeff. Even though that would in turn hurt Matt. The elder Hardy had been devastated at the change in his little brother since Amy had split up with him. He'd accepted the relationship with Chris only because it made Jeff happy, but when he'd found out about Chris being Jessica's father, his fears had come to the surface again and it would take a while before he trusted Chris to treat his little brother right.

Amy didn't get in till around two, and Chris was reluctant to leave Jessica with her, given that she was trying to hide her inebriated state. But Amy almost threw him out, threatening his agreed access to the child, so Chris had no choice, he had to leave. But he left with twice as many worries as he'd had before. He was beginning to seriously doubt whether Amy was a capable mother.

When he got back to Jeff, he was fuming. Jeff looked up with those innocent eyes and knew something was wrong. "Chris? What happened?" Jeff had been asleep, so he rubbed his eyes and sat up. Chris obviously needed to talk.

"She came in drunk, and damn near threw me out. She's not a good mother Jeff, you can't do that to the child, what if Jessica wakes up in the night and Amy's too out of it to notice? I hated leaving her Jeff. I'm scared for her."

"Amy wouldn't hurt her Chris. She may try to hurt us but she wouldn't hurt her child," Jeff said quietly. "Go over in the morning, see how she is, see how they both are. If you need to spend more time with Jessica to make sure she's OK, I don't mind."

"Even though that means less time with you? Baby I don't want to neglect you, I love you as much as I love Jessica." Chris marveled at his lover's selflessness.

"I know you do, but she needs you more right now." Jeff lay back in bed. "Try to sleep Chris. You need all your strength if you're gonna be looking after a baby."

"I know. Thank you baby." Chris stripped off his clothes and cuddled next to his lover's warm body. As he drifted off to sleep he didn't notice the tears of hurt falling down Jeff's face.

**********************

Chris went over to Amy's room almost as soon as he was awake and dressed. As he walked up to the door he could hear Jessica crying, then he heard Amy scream something, and Jessica started crying louder. Concerned, he got one of the hotel maids to let him into the room and ran straight over to Jessica's cot, picking her up and soothing her tenderly until she was calm. Then he looked over at Amy, who had thrown up over the side of the bed and was now laid looking green with her hands over her ears.

"Make it stop. Please stop crying Jess." Then she realised everything was silent and looked up.

"You're a mess. Go and wash yourself up and sort yourself out, I'll feed Jessica," Chris ordered, and she complied immediately.

Holding the baby in one arm, he located the tins of baby milk and set about preparing some nourishment for the little girl. He couldn't believe the state of Amy. Even he could see that when you had the responsibility of a child you just didn't go out and get that drunk. Remembering what his mother used to do when she looked after his baby cousins, he mixed the formula and tested the temperature on his arm, then fed the hungry baby. The actual act of feeding made him feel paternal, like he had a real bond now, not only had he helped to create life, he was now sustaining it too.

Amy came back into the room, looking a little better. She immediately took Jessica from Chris and continued feeding her. Then she looked at the Canadian. "Thanks for being concerned, but you can go now."

"What if I hadn't come round Amy? Who would have looked after her?" He tried not to sound accusing, but it was hard.

"I'd have been alright. I just had a few too many drinks last night."

"You can't get that way when you have responsibilities Amy. Anything could have happened."

Her anger flared. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do. She's my child Chris, you only see her cos I let you, understand?"

Chris gave in, this time. But it happened again and again and again. And it wasn't just Amy going out, getting drunk, and neglecting Jessica the next morning when she was too hung-over to move. Chris was increasingly looking after her during the day too. He'd go and feed her in the mornings when Amy had been out the night before, he'd look after her at the arena, on evenings too. While he loved the time he spent with his baby, he was neglecting Jeff. He knew that, and also knew that he couldn't keep endangering Jessica's health by sending her back to Amy, who was obviously incapable of looking after her daughter properly. Something had to be done before he lost Jeff for good and before Jessica got hurt.

On one of their few evenings together, Chris decided to talk to Jeff about the whole situation. He needed his lover to know that he still loved him and wanted him, and he also wanted Jeff's approval for what he had decided to do.

They lay in bed in each other's arms, and Jeff knew that Chris wanted to talk to him. He needed to talk too. He was trying to put a brave face on it, but the time they were spending apart was hurting him. He would never be selfish, but he just wanted something more from the Canadian. He knew that Chris loved him, but it wasn't enough.

"Jeffie… I'm sorry baby, you know I love you, but this thing with Jessica… I can't risk her health… and I can't risk losing her…" Chris looked down at Jeff with pure sorrow in his eyes, but he was taken aback by Jeff's retort.

"You can risk losing me though." Jeff regretted the words as soon as he said them, but it was too late now. "I know you love me but you seem to forget me sometimes. You seem to forget that I want to be a part of your life. Of Jessica's too. I love you Chris, but it's so hard, sometimes I feel like it's not enough."

"Oh babe." Chris sighed. He'd half hoped that Jeff would just accept what he was doing as necessary and still be secure in the knowledge that Chris loved him. But he should have known better, should have known that Jeff was still too insecure, too vulnerable. "I want you to be a part of my life and Jessica's life. That's why I want to do this."

"What?"

"I'm gonna apply for custody. I want you and me to bring up Jessica. Amy is obviously not capable, so I want us to. I want us to be her parents. Will you support me?" Chris held his breath, waiting for what Jeff would say.

"You want me to be a part of her life? You're sure?" Chris nodded. "Then yes. Do you think we have a chance? Amy was so sure about me not seeing Jessica. She'll never agree."

"I've spoken to a lawyer, and she says I have enough evidence to be awarded custody. Jessica's six months old now. I need to get her away from Amy while she's still young enough that she doesn't realize how much her mother is neglecting her." Chris had seriously thought this through. He knew what an effect it would have on his relationship and his career.

"You really love her. I love you for the way you've cared for her… I love you Chris…if you want that, I'll support you all the way." But there was something in Jeff's mind that told him he would always be on the outside. That, no matter what, Jessica would always be Chris' and not theirs. "Chris… would it look better if we were married?"

Chris was shocked. "It would… are you proposing to me, Jeffrey Nero Hardy?"

"I guess I am. Marry me Christopher Keith Irvine." Jeff realized that at least if they were married he would have a claim on Chris too. Even if Chris was only marrying him to increase his chances of winning custody.

"Of course I will baby, I love you so much." Chris hugged him tightly, wondering how he got so lucky as to fall in love with such a caring and selfless man. He little realized the pain that was now coursing through Jeff's veins.

**************************

They had a small wedding at the municipal offices in Vermont, the only place they could find that would marry them on such short notice. Matt and Shane Helms were the only people there, as witnesses, and Jeff couldn't help but shed a tear as all of his dreams and fantasies about a Carolina wedding were ground into dust. All of his other dreams had been destroyed, this was just another to be added to the pile. But at least now Chris was his.

Chris' lawyer contacted Amy a few days after, and surprisingly enough, Amy willingly signed over custody. She didn't even seem bothered about Jeff seeing Jessica. She looked so jaded and tired, she didn't care about anything any more. A few days later, Vince announced that there would be random narcotics testing of all athletic personnel, and Amy resigned almost on the spot. She moved back to LA, leaving no contact details or any way of getting in touch, and within a week, it was like she'd never even existed.

When the lawyer put Jessica into Chris' arms, he wept for joy. This was his baby, his at last, the family Jeff had always wanted. Jeff. Chris realized that Amy had never let his new husband see the child, so called him over and held out one arm.

"Jeffie? This is Jessica. Jessica sweetie, this is your new daddy."

Jeff looked at the little girl, she was so perfect. She had a shock of blond hair and big green eyes. His own eyes filled with tears. He'd been prepared to be jealous of the baby for taking Chris away from him, but she was too beautiful.

"Can I hold her?" he asked softly. Chris nodded and put the child into his arms. Jeff gasped as she snuggled up close to him.

"She likes you," Chris smiled at the sight of his lover with his baby. It was almost angelic. "She knows her daddy loves you so she loves you too."

"Do you love me? Still?" Jeff sounded so unsure, Chris wondered what he'd done wrong to make Jeff so insecure.

"Of course I do baby, I love you so much." He cuddled his arms around the both of them. "We're a family now Jeff. Amy can't hurt you anymore, Jessica's your child as much as mine."

"Promise? We're a proper family?"

"Promise baby. I promise."

**********************

They quickly got into a routine of caring for Jessica while still traveling with work. They would mostly care for her together, bonding as a family, but it meant that Jeff and Chris very rarely got any time alone. And although Jeff loved Jessica as much as Chris did, he was feeling more and more neglected, and more and more alone, although Chris hardly realized it. He could see something that Chris couldn't. Something that made him feel more alone than he'd thought anything else in the world could do.

Each night he lay in bed with Chris, crying as the Canadian dozed, sometimes holding Jessica when she awoke and rocking her to sleep as he tried to shield her from his tears. She was the innocent one in this, he knew that. And he didn't blame her, he wasn't jealous. Jeff believed that he was to blame. He was the one who hurt when there was no reason to. It wasn't as if Chris had cheated on him or anything like that. Jeff saw himself as the problem and withdrew further into himself until there was only a shell left. And Chris didn't notice. Perhaps he didn't want to notice, perhaps he was just pretending that everything was OK.

One night in another anonymous hotel room Chris was awoken by the sound of crying. He looked over at his daughter, expecting to see her awake, but the little girl was sleeping soundly. He listened to the sobbing closer, and realized that it was coming from right next to him. He turned over to look at his husband and his heart broke.

"Jeffie?" Chris reached out to touch him, but Jeff shrunk further into himself. "What's wrong baby? What have I done?"

"It's not your fault you don't love me Chris. It's not your fault I'm not Jessica's father and I can't be a part of what you two have. It's not your fault I'm so selfish. Don't blame yourself, just leave me be." Jeff sniffed and turned away from his husband.

"Jeff… honey what brought this on? I do love you." In vain Chris tried to get his lover's attention. "Jeff, I love you more than anything, you're my husband."

"Only because it was convenient… cos you thought it would help you get Jessica," Jeff mumbled. "It wasn't about me and you. It's never been about me and you. All this about a family is just your guilt."

Chris was dumbfounded. He'd had no idea Jeff felt like this. "Sweetie? Look at me Jeff, let me talk to you." Reluctantly, Jeff looked up. "Jeff, I do love you and I'm glad I'm your husband. It wasn't convenient, I married you cos I loved you and I still do. Sure, it could have helped us get Jessica but that wasn't why I married you. Do you honestly think I could spend the rest of my life with someone I didn't love? And sweetie, you asked me to marry you."

"I know…" Jeff sat up a little and wiped his eyes. "I thought that if I married you then you'd never leave me, but I gave up my dreams to do that and I'm still losing you anyway."

"What do you mean? Jeffie, I don't understand." Chris didn't understand. He thought Jeff was happy.

"I had this dream of a big wedding in North Carolina with all our friends and family there and we'd get dressed up and it would be perfect but then I knew that would never happen so I had to grab you while I had the chance and I was so happy when we were married but it all seemed so clinical and unnecessary after a while and I felt so alone Chris. And I dreamed of having a family, you me and our baby but it isn't that way, it's you and Jessica, then me on the outside. I love her but I know she isn't mine and never will be and I know that you're not mine… and Jessica should be mine Chris. I was dating Amy, she should be mine… you took her away from me without even realizing it and you hurt me so much and I don't think you even realize." Shaking violently from his outburst, Jeff ran off to the bathroom, leaving Chris to digest what he just said.

He broke down in tears on the bed. Didn't Jeff know how guilty he felt? How horrible? He'd never, ever meant to hurt Jeff. He didn't realize that Jeff felt so isolated, so alone. And he didn't know how to fix it. He didn't have the first clue how to make it all better and to make Jeff happy again. All he could hear was sobbing coming from the bathroom and all he wanted to do was to make it stop, to make it better, and he didn't think he could.

Then Jessica murmured, and began to cry softly. Tenderly Chris picked her up and rocked her, but still she wouldn't settle. "You know that your daddies are upset, don't you sweetie?" he whispered softly. "They still love you and they still love each other, but they haven't been talking to each other and they've let each other hurt. Jessie baby, when you get older I'll make sure that if anything ever hurts you, you can come to me or Jeff and we'll listen to you and help you to make it all better."

Still cradling the child, Chris walked into the bathroom and sat down next to Jeff on the floor, leaning his back against the bath and adjusting Jessica so that she was comfortable in his arms.

"Jeffie… what happened with Amy was a mistake and I never meant to hurt you… but that gave me something precious… gave us something precious. Jessica is ours Jeff, not mine. You know half the reason I went for custody of her was so that you could finally see her? So that you could be a part of her life? I wanted to give you the family you'd always dreamed of, I wanted to make your dreams come true, not destroy them. I didn't do any of this for me Jeff, I did it for us. I'm sorry that our wedding wasn't what you wanted it to be… for me it was enough that we made a commitment under the eyes of god. I didn't realize you felt that way, you should have told me. Do you know how hurt that makes me feel inside, to know that you've been hiding all of this from me? I love you Jeff and I want you to be able to tell me everything."

"I'm sorry." Jeff looked up, his face blotchy with tears. "I should have said something… but I was scared you'd just leave me. And that you'd stop me seeing Jessica like Amy did. I couldn't handle that now, I love her too much. I love her like a daughter, even though she'll never truly be mine."

"I would never do that to you baby." Chris sighed, moving a little as Jessica wriggled in his arms. He sat her up and she held her arms out to Jeff. Smiling, the Canadian handed her over to his husband. "See Jeff? She knows you're as much of a father as I am to her."

"But I'm not." Jeff cradled her gently, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "If anything happened to you, I wouldn't get custody of her, even though we're married."

"Baby, why don't you adopt her?" Chris asked suddenly. "You could apply to be her legal guardian along with me. That way, no one could ever take her away from you, no matter what happened."

"Could I do that?" His eyes shone with yet more tears. "I'd love to be a proper part of your family… not feel like I'm on the outside."

"You are a part of my family Jeff. You and Jessica are my family, you're not on the outside. But I'd like you to go for adoption… that way I'd feel more secure about her future, and you'd have proof that I love you and want you here."

"Thank you." They were silent for a while, each watching Jessica as she played with Jeff's hair. Then Chris spoke again.

"I do know how much I hurt you Jeff. I wish I could take the pain away from you but I know I can't. I wish there was something I could do to make up for the way I betrayed you."

"Never stop loving me Chris. Never, ever stop. Talk to me, listen to me… watch me… I may not always say how I feel but I need you to watch me so that you know when I'm hurting. Know me, that's what I ask."

"I will. I won't be so blind to what's straight in front of me. I was fooling myself thinking everything was OK. I was having trouble coping, so I tried to fool myself into thinking that everything was fine." He shook his head. "Not any more. I want us to go home for a while Jeff. Quit the traveling, quit all of it. Just go home and be a normal family."

Jeff sighed. "That's all I ever wanted. So many of my dreams have become dust Chris, I can't let this one do the same. Take me home. Take us home." He kissed Jessica again and she gurgled. Chris wrapped his arms around both of them, and for all three, it finally did feel like family and home.

Nothing hurts you like the pain of someone you love
There ain't nothing you can gain that prepares you enough
Come on baby stop your cryin
Come on baby stop your cryin now
Come on baby stop your cryin
Come on baby stop your cryin now
Nothing hurts you like the pain of someone you care about
If I could take it all myself you know I sure would without a doubt
Come on baby stop your cryin
Come on baby stop your cryin now
Come on baby stop your cryin
Come on baby stop your cryin now
Nothing hurts you like the pain of someone so close to you
I feel so broke inside but I'll devote my life to loving you
Come on baby stop your cryin
Come on baby stop your cryin now
Come on baby stop your cryin
Come on baby stop your cryin now