I miss him. You'd think that after six months I'd have gotten over it by now. But I haven't. It's hard to get over someone you love leaving you. It's very hard.

Hell, he didn't leave me on purpose. He was fired by that asshole, Vince McMahon. Yeah, I said it-Vince is an asshole. He's always been an asshole. He was an asshole when we came here after WCW folded and he sent the Thrillers down to OVW and HWA while keeping me up here, he was an asshole when he sent Sean back down to OVW earlier this year for not jobbing to that fat slob Rikishi, and he was the biggest asshole I've ever seen when he actually fired Sean back in April. And of course I got sent to Raw while Mark got sent to Smackdown so now I don't get to even see him anymore.

I guess I could quit. I mean, I'm not even involved in storylines anymore. I'm lucky to get a match on Heat once in awhile. But that would be giving in to them-letting the powers that be run my life for me. I ain't letting that happen. They can try to break us apart but it won't work. They'll only get rid of me by firing me.

They think that they broke us by putting me and Johnny with Nunzio in some stupid Italian gimmick. It didn't work. They moved me to Raw and let me have all the Indies to beat up in dark matches. That didn't work. They fired the one I guy I've always loved and THAT didn't work.

They're still trying to break us up. They've been trying for years-they say that they don't like "cliques" and that we weren't good enough together, but I know the truth. They're just afraid of us. They're all afraid of the power that we could have wielded together. Me, O'Haire, Jindrak, Sanders, Stasiak, Reno, Johnny-we had the chance to be the best if they'd kept us together. They tried to make us conform by splitting us up. I was devastated when they got rid of Reno, Shawn, and Mike, but it didn't break the rest of us left. Sure I pretended to become "one of the guys" while I was teaming with Billy, but the truth was I just didn't want to lose my chance to be a star. If they wanted to separate us then damnit at least ONE of us was going to rise above it all and it looked like it was going to be me!

But they don't know that just because they fired half of us and the rest they physically separated doesn't mean that we haven't stayed together spiritually and emotionally. I think about Sean everyday still, even though we're not technically together anymore. Truth be told, we haven't been "partners" for over a year now, but we never stopped be the best of friends. Sure he fucked some of the pretty boys like Moore, Kendrick, and even Lesner, but we have a bond that can never be broken. I still love him and I know that he still loves me. It's just this odd relationship we have. Sean and I will never be apart although we may be millions and millions of miles away from each other.

So they think that by putting me on Heat all the time that I'll break down, huh? I don't think so. They think that by giving me ten minutes on Raw once in a great while in stupid storylines like lumberjack matches will make me want to be that star again? Nope, not gonna happen. In fact, by putting me on Raw like they did this past week just made it even easier to show the world my allegiance. The elbow pads were actually Mike's idea. We had been talking on the phone about two months ago or so and I was telling him yet again how much I missed Sean. I was tired of the crap I was getting from the guys in the back by not just giving in and kissing Vince and Hunter's respective asses. I was tired of all the backstage jeers and remarks about Sean that they were still throwing around. I was close to just giving in so they would shut up. I know Mark and Johnny both had kissed Taker's ass on Smackdown just so they could get airtime. I didn't want to betray Sean like that though.

But Mike is a smart guy sometimes and gave me the idea to show just where I stood. I didn't have a chance to do it until last night, though. Thank you Hunter for being such a prick that you wanted lumberjacks around to save your ass from Jericho.

Everyone-the fans, the guys in the back, the corporate powers-know that Sean loves spiders. He's got an obsession with them. He had those tights made with the web on the ass and the spider on the crotch just to show everyone how obsessed he really is. And it didn't help that it went with his crazy ass character. So, what better way to show I haven't forgotten about him and that I wasn't conforming than to start wearing spider webs myself? It was subtle enough so most fans wouldn't pick up on it, but guaranteed all the guys in the back would. And that was just what I wanted to happen. I know Sean watches Raw every week. He misses the guys no matter what he says and he needs to see them. I was just hoping he would get the message I was sending. I was pretty sure he would, but I was worried nonetheless. I mean, I haven't talked to him in ages. It wasn't like I didn't want to it's just that we've both been so busy. We kind of lost touch. But that doesn't mean that I don't still think of him.

I got so much shit last night too when I pulled those pads on. The only guys who didn't say anything were Orton and Shelton. They just kind of glanced at me then at each other and walked off. I'm pretty sure that it's because they both know how I feel. Randy misses Cena who's on Smackdown and Shelton is getting the same shit I am because they want him to forget about Charlie and remember that Charlie is now with Jackie. They like to split powerful people up like that.

Like I said-Vince is an asshole.

Now I'm waiting for Sean to call me, message me, email me, something. I know he saw the show. I know he saw me. I know he got the message. Now it's just a matter of waiting.

Thank god for spiders, right?