Matt finally wrested the tree onto the stand amid a small shower of pine needles. With a sigh of relief he rolled onto his back and tugged off the thick gloves that protected his hands. The pungent scent of bruised pine needles filled his nostrils as he occupied himself with his favorite activity, Jeff watching. His baby brother was sitting cross-legged on the floor with his brow knit in concentration as he tried to unravel the string of lights in his lap. A lock of hair kept dropping down into his eyes and Jeff repeatedly blew it away until finally with a flick of impatient grace he tucked it back behind his ear again.

With the tree boughs concealing his upper torso Matt could stare all he wanted without fear of being caught. He tucked his hands under his head not even feeling the tiny jab of pine needles pricking his skin. Jeff finished the strand he was working on, set it beside him, and stretched. Matt's gaze traveled the length of his body and he felt a rush of desire followed by another rush of shame what kind of sick S.O.B. lusted after his own brother? There was something seriously wrong with him.

Jeff reached for another tangle of cord and Matt sighed, it was more than that. He loved his brother with an intensity that hadn't eased one bit from being apart this last semester. He had hoped that by leaving home his attraction to Jeff might have eased some. He bit his lip ruefully welcoming the pain it caused him. That hadn't happened, in fact he wanted Jeff even more. Now he was stuck in the house during the holidays in close proximity to the one thing he wanted most in the world and the one thing that he could never have. Anyway he looked at it though he was still a pervert. Thank God his brother didn't know how much he obsessed over him. He'd hate him for life.

Jeff flicked a curious glance at the tree and bent over slightly trying to peer beneath the branches. "What are you doing bro?" He asked a note of curiosity in his voice.

Matt felt his face flush, "nothing." The lie sounded forced to him. He took a deep breath willing the redness to leave his face and wiggled out from underneath the tree.

Jeff scrutinized the tree critically. "It's slightly crooked," he teased flashing a smile at his brother.

"It's always crooked," Matt refused to meet his brother's eyes and instead studied the carpet trying to decide whether it was worth it or not to haul out the vacuum. He decided to wait until they had finished decorating so he wouldn't have to do it twice.

Long fingers slipped through his dark hair and Matt tensed. His brother's touch was electric. He bit his lip trying to ignore the tingling in his scalp all of his nerves on edge. He could feel the heat of Jeff's body behind him, smell his cologne. He closed his eyes, the urge to turn around and bear his brother to the floor in a long, hungry kiss was almost overwhelming. All too soon the touch was gone and Matt was left with his cock throbbing in his jeans and staring stupidly at the small pile of pine needles that Jeff had deposited in his hand. He heard his brother move away and felt a pang of loss that more than physical.

Matt gritted his teeth. You have nothing to lose cuz you never had it to begin with he told himself savagely. "Thanks," he muttered tossing the pine needles to the floor with the others and looking for something else to do that would require his full concentration.

"No problem," Jeff replied breezily rummaging through another box completely unaware of the state that he had left Matt in. He pulled out a ball of mistletoe and held it up for Matt to see. "Think I'll get a chance to use it this year?"

Don't I wish Matt thought. He shrugged ignoring Jeff's efforts to draw him into conversation and equally ignoring the hurt look that appeared in his baby's eyes. He was dying to ask if Jeff had anybody in mind. The thought of Jeff kissing anybody other than him made him so damn jealous that he felt sick. He pushed the thought out of his mind. Jeff could kiss whoever the hell he wanted to, it wasn't like he had any real claim on him or that he ever would.

Gilbert Hardy walked into the room carrying another box of decorations. He set it down on the couch and flipped the stereo on. Elvis' rich, smooth tenor filled the room. I'll have a blue Christmas without you. I'll be so blue just thinking about you. Gilbert grinned at his sons, "let's get cracking."

Matt silently picked up one of the strands of lights and began to weave it around the tree, keeping his face hidden and tuning out his father and brother. He considered slipping on his headphones but he knew his father would throw a fit if he did. This was going to be the worst damn Christmas since the year his mother died.

*****

December 20, 1992

I don't know what the hell I expected. Maybe that he had reached some kind of an epiphany while at school. Nothing's changed though. He's just as moody and depressed now as he was when he left. I wish he'd confide in me or something… like he used to. There was a time when we'd tell each other everything. I wonder what I did wrong? It had to have been something I did to make him stop loving me. I wish he'd tell me so I could fix it. This is a fucking miserable Christmas.

*****

Matt eyed the guitar again, the polished sheen of the wood shining in the dim light of the store. It was a beautiful instrument, looking at it you could hardly tell it was used. The case was a little worn but otherwise it was in excellent condition. He picked it up and struck a cord, smiling slightly at the smooth, mellow tone. Even with the deal he was getting it would take most of the money that he had saved at school. Jeff had wanted his own guitar for the longest time though. He was always stealing Dad's and running off to some corner to work on his songs. Drove Dad crazy.

The proprietor sighed, "are ya getting it or not?"

Matt hesitated, torn. He started to shake his head no then pictured the look on Jeff's face when he opened it, the way his eyes would light up, how beautiful he would look. "I'll take it," he said firmly before he could change his mind. It was worth it to see Jeff smile.

The guitar was carefully stowed in its case and Matt impatiently watched the street hoping Jeff would be late as he normally as he waited for the man to ring up the sale. He barely heard him giving instructions for caring for his new purchase. Yada, yada, yada, Jeff would treat it like gold. He sighed, besides the sooner he got home the sooner he could go hide in his room or something, anything to get out of his brother's presence. Being under the same roof with him again was torturous.

Matt hurried outside looking quickly around and saw no sign of his brother. Good, if nothing else Jeff was at least predictable. He safely stashed the guitar in the trunk and moved behind the wheel turning the radio on so he could listen to some music while he waited. He flipped irritably through the various Christmas songs trying to find something that would better fit his mood before giving it up as a lost cause and sticking a tape in the deck. The haunting sound of Radiohead's Creep filled the car. His theme song for his and Jeff's relationship God he had problems. He laid his head back against the rest, closed his eyes and sang along with the music. When you were here before… Couldn't look you in the eye… You're just like an angel… Your skin makes me cry… You float like a feather… In a beautiful world… I wish I was special… You're so fucking special… But I 'm a creep… I 'm a weirdo… What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here

True to form it was about twenty minutes before Jeff showed up. He ambled toward the car, his head bent down against the blustery wind, affording Matt the perfect opportunity to observe him without being seen. He had something stuffed under his coat so that it bulged out and his arms were wrapped protectively around it. Matt could watch him all day long and never get tired of it.

Jeff slid into the seat and Matt noticed that his cheeks were rosy from the cold and his beautiful green eyes were sparkling with pride. His bright hair was blown every which way and Matt wanted to run his fingers through it. He felt his heart leap in his chest and just barely caught himself before he framed Jeff's face in his hands and brought his lips to his own. He turned away closing his eyes for a moment before starting the car. He needed to get away from his brother that was the bottom line.

Jeff sensed Matt's sudden withdrawal and a wave of depression swamped him threatening to take him under. Matt never talked anymore it was almost as if he wasn't even there. He felt the gift he had bought softly press against his ribs as he hugged his arms to himself. The reminder cheered him. Matt would never expect this, he couldn't wait for Christmas. He turned looking back into the empty seat. "Hey! Where's my present?"

Matt chuckled at Jeff's outraged tone. How like his little brother, the question breaking the awkward silence between them. "Present?" he teased. "You're out of your mind if you think I'd spend my hard earned money on a brat like you."

Jeff ignored the insult, thinking it over then he narrowed his eyes at Matt. "It's in the trunk," he guessed.

"Wrong again," Matt shook his head. "I ran it by Shane's cuz I knew you we're going to be late." He smiled at his brother's chagrined expression. "So it's no use searching my room."

Jeff turned back around in his seat giving Matt an offended look. "I wouldn't do that."

"This is coming from the guy who took the hinges off of Dad's closet one year." Matt lost himself in the familiar banter this was safe.

"Excuse me, you helped." Jeff shook his head, "besides I was five you can't hold that against me."

Matt snorted, "I know you."

Jeff turned and studied Matt smiling. For the moment at least he had his brother back and he wasn't about the let him go. "Let's get something to eat before we head home," he suggested.

Matt hesitated staring at his wheel and Jeff could feel him retreating inside himself again. "Please…." He begged anxious to keep his brother.

Matt turned and at seeing Jeff's hopeful expression he forced himself to smile. "Sure wherever you want, my treat."

Jeff grinned, satisfied with his ploy. "Sharkies."

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting in a booth and Matt was watching Jeff's animated face as he studied the menu. He could tell what Jeff thought about each selection without him even saying a word. It amazed him how Jeff could be so open with his feelings. His brother looked up and for a single electric moment their eyes met. Matt felt his body react as it always did every single time. A faint question appeared in Jeff's eyes and he studied Matt as if he were trying to puzzle something out.

Flushing, Matt looked blindly back down at his menu. He cursed himself under his breath, if he kept this up Jeff would catch on and he'd have to live the rest of his life seeing Jeff look at him with hate and disgust. That would be the one thing he knew he could never handle, losing Jeff's love.

Jeff hated to see the self-loathing expression on Matt's face. He couldn't understand where all of this was coming from. "You decide yet?" Jeff's soft voice interrupted his self-flagellation.

"I'm not really hungry," Matt replied setting the menu aside.

Jeff ordered for himself watching Matt twist a paper napkin and tear little bits off until the table in front of him was littered with shredded scraps. He felt something twist inside him, there was something he hadn't thought of and the very idea of it filled him with horror. "Matt if you were sick, you'd tell us right?"

Matt's head jerked up at the sound of panic in Jeff's voice and he stared at his worried expression for a moment. "What? Where'd you get a notion like that?"

"I just… I mean you're always hungry and you're acting funny," Jeff's voice trailed off and he looked back at the table feeling suddenly awkward.

"I ate while I was waiting for you," Matt lied. Jeff didn't look up and Matt could tell he didn't believe him. "Hey," he said laying his hand on his brother's shoulder. "I swear to you if I was sick I'd tell you. I wouldn't keep something like that from you or Dad. That wouldn't be right."

Jeff looked back up reading the truth in Matt's eyes and he smiled a look of relief crossing his face. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Matt. He waited patiently for his brother to tell him what was wrong and realized after a minute that he wasn't going to volunteer any more information than he already had. He sighed and they sat in silence again until the food arrived.

Jeff poked and prodded at his food, moving it around his plate more than he was eating it. He didn't know what he could do to make Matt tell him what was wrong and he was afraid to push the issue. He wasn't sure that he wanted the answers. He did and he didn't it was all such a damn big mess. He tried to think back to when Matt had started changing, it had happened so slowly that it was hard to pin down.

Matt hated to see Jeff so down. It was not a natural state for him. Self-reflection yes, depression no, that was his department. He absently snagged a fry while he tried to think of an excuse that Jeff would buy. He half-smiled at Jeff's outraged expression and swiped another one maybe distraction would work.

"Hey!" Jeff exclaimed moving his plate further from Matt's reach. "This is mine, order your own."

"But you're not eating it are you?" Matt replied reaching for the burger. Jeff picked it up and hurriedly took a bite glaring at his brother.

"Didn't Mama teach you to share?" Matt asked managing to filch the pickle spear. The old routine never failed to get Jeff going or amuse Matt. He guessed Jeff would never learn.

"You're definition of sharing," Jeff mumbled around his food, "is you get to eat all your food and then half of mine."

Matt shrugged, "you should eat quicker. 'Sides I'm bigger and I need more food than you." They exchanged glances and both started laughing. For now everything was okay.

*****

Matt lay on the couch desperately trying to concentrate on A Christmas Story. It was a losing battle though. Jeff was stretched out in front of the fire clad only in boxer shorts and a tank top, working on his poetry and stealing occasional glances at the TV. Who was he kidding, it was enough to ruin any man's concentration.

Jeff stretched the muscles in his back, down his ass and legs went taut, and then relaxed. Matt gave up all pretense of watching the movie. His baby how absolutely no damn idea of how fucking hot he was. He stifled a groan imagining joining his brother on the floor and tossing the notebook to the side. He would slowly undress him, running his tongue over him, tasting every inch of his body as it was exposed, watching the play of the colored lights dancing on his skin. In his fantasy, Jeff would welcome him. He'd see his brother writhing underneath him as he took him again and again underneath the Christmas tree.

A soft moan escaped Matt, he was so damn hard it was painful. Jeff turned slightly looking over his shoulder at Matt. Their gazes locked and Matt felt a hot rush of lust shoot through him. He felt himself being pulled towards Jeff. Matt saw a visible shiver run down his brother's spine and he found himself slithering off the couch and moving towards him slowly. Jeff looked up at him in confusion and wet his lips uncertainly. Matt stared at his mouth mesmerized. He reached out running his thumb over Jeff's lower lip. He had to taste him.

"Matt?" The hesitant question broke through the haze.

Cursing, Matt pushed away from his brother, half-running upstairs. He could hear Jeff calling after him. He went into his room slamming the door behind him and breathing hard. God how he hated himself. To make matters worse his body still wanted Jeff's. He threw himself down on the bed willing himself to calm down and trying to put his brother out of his mind. He was sick, sick, sick. Tomorrow he'd make himself scarce. Maybe hang out at Shane's until Christmas and then come up with an excuse to go back to school the day after. Then Jeff would be safe from him.

*****

December 21, 1992

I'm so confused. Ever since he came home I've seen him watching me. It makes me feel funny, but it seems right somehow. I feel like I belong somehow and I want more but I'm not really quite sure what I'm asking for. And then as soon as I'd notice him looking he gets this really mad look on his face and then he turns me out one way or another. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm still trying to figure out just happened. It was the craziest thing. I thought he was going to kiss me. Hell I wanted him too. It was so insane. But he'd never be interested in me to him I'm just an annoying little brat… I hate life.

*****

Jeff sat at the dinner table morosely, staring at his plate and moving the food around on it. Matt had been gone the last two mornings before he had gotten up and returned long after he had gone to bed. He had done something wrong, he knew it. Maybe Matt knew that he had wanted him to kiss him and he was disgusted. Maybe he didn't want to be his brother anymore. He felt utterly miserable.

Gilbert watched silently until he couldn't take it anymore. "What's wrong son? You're acting like you lost your best friend."

I have lost my best friend Jeff wanted to shout at his father and I don't even know what I did wrong. Instead he shrugged indifferently not looking up.

"You and Matt have a falling out?"

"No," Jeff mumbled. "I just want him to come home. He never wants to hang out with me anymore." He winced, he hadn't meant to say that last part out loud. He got up pushing away from the table. "I think I just want to go to bed."

Gilbert watched his son leave shaking his head. He didn't understand what happened to the two of them they used to be so close. They did everything together, hell they even slept in the same damn bed. He'd chock it up to hormones but by God those two were going to work it out or else. They were a family and it was past time they started acting like it.

*****

"Your Dad's on the phone." Shane came back into the room and tossed Matt the cordless giving him a warning look. "He sounds royally pissed," he mouthed softly.

Matt hit pause and Sonic the Hedgehog paused in mid-jump a pit forming in his stomach. "Hey Dad," he had a feeling that he knew what his Dad was calling about and wasn't looking forward to the conversation.

"You are not going anywhere tomorrow do you understand me? You are going to stay your ass at home and hang out with your brother." His father sounded extremely exasperated.

"I've already made…" Matt didn't get to finish his excuse.

"I don't care what plans you've made," his father roared. "You're brother is wandering around the house like a damned lost puppy dog feeling guilty about God knows what. Now I don't know what you and your brother fought about the other night but you're going to fix it. Get your ass home, you're spending the entire day with your family tomorrow and you're going to like it. Jeff idolizes you, he's missed you like hell and it's Christmas. And so help me God boy if you sass me once about it you might as well not come home or I'll…."

Shane's eyes grew wide as he overheard the angry tirade. Matt winced, damn his Dad was mad. He hadn't heard him this angry since the time Jeff had put dirt in Shirley's gas tank. "Okay, okay," Matt said trying to cut him off. "I'll come home tonight." He said attempting to mollify his father.

After a few more minutes of conversation Matt hung up and Shane whistled. "That was mad. I don't think I've ever heard your Dad so mad. What did you do?"

Matt shrugged picking up the controller. "You going to play or not?" He asked ignoring the question.

Shane looked surprised. "You're not going home?"

"I will after he's goes asleep. That away when he wakes up in the morning he'll have cooled down some." That and I can avoid Jeff that much longer, Matt sighed not looking forward to tomorrow. Two more days then he could leave and be miserable at school but at least then this fucking parody of a holiday would be over with.

*****

December 23, 1992

I set my alarm clock. He's not going to get a chance to get away this morning. I'll wake up before him and follow him around all day until he tells me what the hell is bothering him. I'll annoy him so damn bad he'll tell me just to get me off his back. Then I can fix it and things can go back to normal. I wish Mama were alive, she could fix it. Matt never could stay mad at her.

*****

Matt woke up slowly. He was comfortable, he was warm with Jeff snuggled up next to him. His eyes flew open. He turned his head and stifled a groan. God had a sick fucking sense of humor. His brother's legs were tangled with his own and Jeff had a possessive arm around his waist. Matt wouldn't be able to move without waking him up, which he supposed was Jeff plan all along. Jeff's head lay on the pillow next to him, so close that Matt could feel his warm breath on his neck.

Touching his cheek Matt took the opportunity to study his brother without having to worry about being caught. He was so beautiful. His long lashes lay against his cheek, the sandy hair all tousled. Matt smiled wistfully running his fingers gently through Jeff's hair. He looked so damned content.

Jeff sighed in his sleep and inched closer laying his head on Matt's shoulder. Matt froze for a moment before his arms went involuntarily around his sleeping brother holding him tight to him. It felt so wonderful to be holding him. It hurt too, what he felt for Jeff filled him so much that he thought he burst from it. "I love you baby," Matt whispered kissing the top of his head. He loved the way he smelled. When he had left for college he had stolen one of Jeff's shirts and worn it every night until it had lost his scent.

Matt lay there for a long time listening to Jeff's even breathing, skating his hands down his back and arms. Jeff shifted against him and Matt could feel himself beginning to grow hard. He turned his head slightly and kissed Jeff's forehead, then the bridge of his nose. His hands moved slowly over Jeff's body, he felt so good. Matt hovered over his lips for a moment before as soft as a whisper he leaned in to taste him. His hands slid under Jeff's boxers running his hands over his ass, feeling the silky skin. Biting back a moan, Matt kissed him again with more pressure this time. He was so damn hard he thought he was going to explode. He started to draw Jeff's lower lip into his mouth…

Violently Matt shoved Jeff away and scrambled out of bed. "Wha..a.." he heard Jeff say sleepily. He yanked on a pair of jeans, hoping Jeff wouldn't notice his arousal. He was so damned turned on his boxers were soaked with pre-cum. He leaned his arms against the wall breathing heavily and hung his head down trying to regain his equilibrium. He was afraid that if he turned around and saw Jeff sitting half-naked, amongst the crumpled covers on his bed that he would completely lose it and jump his brother.

Jeff stared at Matt in confusion. His entire body was tingling and he wasn't sure why. He had been having the nicest dream. He drew his bottom lip into his mouth and watched the tension in Matt uncertainly. "Matt?"

"What?" Matt replied shortly.

"Are you okay? You sound like you're in pain." He rose from the bed and went to touch Matt's shoulder getting worried when he saw that his brother was trembling.

"Don't touch me!" Matt shied away from him and grabbed a shirt putting it on.

Jeff froze, his hand still half-stretched out. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes. What had he done wrong this time? "I… I'm sorry, I just wanted to see if you were okay."

Matt looked up and saw how miserable Jeff looked and felt horrible for snapping at him. "Hey… you didn't do anything. I just had a nightmare. I freaked." Matt resisted the temptation to give him a hug. "Why don't I make you breakfast?" Matt was hit with a sudden inspiration and he smiled. "Better yet, I'll take you to breakfast." Then Jeff would have to put on clothes, lots of clothes.

"Okay," Jeff smiled back, relieved to see that Matt wasn't angry with him.

"Meet you downstairs," Matt turned and left the room leaving Jeff with an aching loneliness that he couldn't explain. Matt didn't hug him as usual, hell he didn't even ruffle his hair. Jeff hated it when he did that but right now for some reason he wanted him too. Anything to reassure him that everything was really okay.

*****

Matt threw himself down on the bed. He was exhausted from running around all day with Jeff, fighting the pretense that everything was normal. He had never been so incredibly horny for such an extended period of time in his life. Jeff's scent was in the back of his throat where he could taste it all day. Every time he had looked at him he had wanted to yank him into his arms, smother his protests with kisses and have his way with him regardless of what Jeff wanted. The thought scared the hell out him. The last week had been sheer torture for him but that had been nothing compared to today.

Just one more day, then he could leave Matt promised himself trying to put his baby brother out of his mind. He contemplated getting up and taking his off his clothes then decided against it. With his luck Jeff would show back up in his bed tonight. The clothes definitely stayed on. The last thing he needed was a repeat performance of this morning's lovely fiasco. Jeff wouldn't stay asleep twice.

His door flew open and Jeff charged in his face lit up with excitement. He bounded onto the bed with a joyful leap and landed squarely on top of his brother. Matt groaned life was so incredibly fucking unfair that it wasn't funny. "Matt…" Jeff sat up and started tugging on his arm half pulling him off the bed. "You've gotta come see this."

"Jeff I'm tired can't you show me tomorrow?" Matt complained and tried to pull his arm back without much success. He couldn't stand being in close proximity to Jeff anymore today. His nerves were shot as it was.

"No… you hafta come now. It might not be here tomorrow." Jeff's green eyes were shining and he was pulling insistently at Matt's hand. It was quite evident that he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

Figuring the quicker he went along the quicker he could get away Matt got up. "This had better be good," he warned and let Jeff pull him downstairs. Jeff threw him his coat and scrambled into his own not even glancing at the tree or the presents wrapped beneath. Now Matt was thoroughly mystified. "Close your eyes," Jeff commanded. Matt sighed at the theatrics. "Please," Jeff wheedled.

Matt closed his eyes wondering what the hell he had done to deserve Jeff for a brother… in more ways than one. He felt Jeff pull him out onto the porch. "You can open them now."

Matt's eyes fluttered open and he stared in wonder at the snow that was coming down. Fat, thick white flakes that already covered the ground. He couldn't remember the last time they had snow for Christmas. Jeff let go of his hand and ran down the porch steps laughing softly. He twirled in the middle of the yard, his hands and face uplifted to catch the new flakes. Matt leaned against the railing and watched him thoroughly enchanted. He felt his heart stutter and catch in his chest and he started to turn around to go back into the house. He couldn't take this right now he was too worn down already.

SPLAT. Matt flinched violently as the ice-cold mixture of snow and water hit the side of his neck and slid down under his collar. He let out a startled yelp and slapped his hand on his neck trying unsuccessfully to keep the snow from going under his shirt. He heard Jeff's muffled laughter and he spun back around to see Jeff readying another snowball. Matt narrowed his eyes and dodged that one then jumped over the railing and going for his brother. "Just wait till I get my fucking hands on you."

"Shit!" Jeff yelled and took off running as Matt pelted him with snowballs chasing after him. He tried to circle around his brother so he could gather ammunition and ambush him but Matt barreled into from the side knocking them both to the ground. Jeff grabbed his head in a full nelson trying to subdue Matt long enough to get away. The impromptu wrestling match lasted about ten minutes before they both fell back on the ground trying to catch their breath.

They stared for a bit up at the snow coming down both lost in their own thoughts. Jeff sat up and looked down at Matt half smiling. He started to speak then his words died off as he stared rapt at his brother. Matt's lashes were thick with snowflakes and his hair was dark ebony against the starkness of the snow. His eyes were half closed and he had a look in his eyes that made him shiver and not from the cold. He wondered what Matt was thinking at this moment and he wondered what Matt would do if he kissed him right now. Probably freak but still he was tempted to try it anyway, Matt was so beautiful at this moment. He reached down brushing his fingers over his brother's cheek. Matt started violently and he saw the familiar look of withdrawal come into Matt's eyes. His brother pushed himself up and started to walk silently back towards the house.

Stunned Jeff stared after his brother for a moment watching him disappear in a swirl of snow and then got up and chased after him. He grabbed Matt's arm and Matt jerked away as if burned refusing to look at him. "What did I do?" Jeff cried suddenly terrified that he was losing his brother.

Matt paused looking back at him with an unreadable, cold expression on his face. Jeff angrily dashed the tears away from his eyes. "Why don't you love me anymore?" He asked brokenly unable to stand not knowing any longer.

Matt stared at him in horror. He reached out unconsciously and pulled Jeff to him, wrapping his arms around him. He could feel his brother's anguish. "Jesus Jeff," he whispered. "How could you think that I don't love you?" I love you more than my life he thought in despair and his grip tightened on his brother.

"You left me… you wouldn't call or come home to visit and when you do half the time you act as if you don't want to be around me." The words tumbled out of Jeff and he clung to Matt afraid he was going to push him away again.

What have I done? Matt berated himself. He hated to know that he had hurt Jeff so badly. "I'm sorry Jeff. I needed to work through some things and I thought I'd be able to do it better away from home."

Jeff pulled away searching Matt's face. "What's been bothering you Matt? You know you can tell me anything."

Matt wanted to scream. He closed his eyes. I can't tell you this Jeff not this, you'd hate me for life. He thought about brushing him off but he knew that his brother wouldn't accept that, not now. He deserved some kind of answer. He could feel Jeff's eyes on him waiting for an explanation. "I'm gay," he blurted out.

"That's it?"

Matt's eyes flew open and he saw Jeff staring at him in astonishment. He shrugged and smiled at his brother weakly hoping Jeff wouldn't probe further. Jeff shook his head in disbelief. "That's what's been bothering you this whole time? What the hell did you think I would do for crying out loud?"

"Love me anyway?" Matt offered hopefully.

Jeff shoved him away, "you're an ass Matt. I can't believe you thought I'd freak." He started to walk back towards the house angrily. All of the pain and uncertainty of the last few months over this he snorted. He knew that some people had difficulties coming to terms with their sexual identity but hadn't they been through enough together that Matt knew he could come to him with anything.

Matt fell into step beside him. "I'm sorry," he apologized softly. "How you feel about me means a lot to me. I don't want to lose that."

Jeff shot him a look, "I don't care what you say or do Matt I'm always going to love you. Even when I'm pissed off at you."

Oh if you only knew brother mine. Matt sighed. "We're cool?"

Jeff relented, it was Christmas and they didn't see each other enough for him to hold a grudge. "Yeah, we're cool." Jeff grinned at Matt, "but you owe me one big time. You have a lot of time before school starts again to make it up to me."

Matt stifled a groan so much for going back to school early, Jeff would never give him the opportunity. "I shall endeavor to do my best."

They entered the house and Jeff's eyes strayed to where the presents were piled. Matt shook his head Jeff was so predictable. Jeff went over and picked up the box of textbooks Matt had wrapped up and put his name on. Matt grinned to himself, "I wouldn't shake it if I were you Jeff, it's breakable."

Jeff sighed and put the present back down. He pointed to the huge box leaning against the wall, he couldn't even begin to imagine what was inside. "What's that one?" He asked pointing to the guitar.

"Oh I got Dad a golf bag. His old one was looking kinda ratty." He reached down and ruffled Jeff's hair ignoring his grimace. "Goodnight bro."

Jeff smiled at him. "Goodnight Matt."

*****

Christmas Eve 1992

I can't believe he has so little faith in me. I'm not going to be disgusted and disown him because he's gay. He should know me better than that. It pisses me off. I probably should have let him know that I'm gay too. I'll tell him tomorrow. Something about this whole thing doesn't ring true though. I know there's more to it and if he thinks I'm going to give up this easily he out of his mind.

*****

When Matt woke up Christmas morning with Jeff wrapped around him again he wanted to laugh hysterically. Somehow he doubted that he was going to make it through the holiday with his sanity intact. Refusing to give into the temptation to linger in the bed with Jeff he slowly eased out of bed careful not to wake his brother. He wished he had heeded his advice last evening and kept his clothes on Jeff's skin next to his felt entirely too good. He donned a robe his movements slightly awkward because he was so damned hard. The idea of walking around all day again in a constant state of arousal was not amusing. He needed a long cold shower. Hell he wasn't sure anything less than chemical castration would help his problem. He paused just before he left looking down at his baby sleeping so peaceful with his hand tucked under his checked. Matt leaned down and kissed the top of Jeff's tousled head. "Merry Christmas baby."

*****

Little toy trains, little toy tracks.
Little toy drums, coming from a sack.
Carried by a man dressed in white and red.
Little boy don't you think it's time you were in bed.


Matt dashed up the stairs taking the steps two at a time. "Jeff!" Matt shouted over the loud music. It was his brother's favorite Christmas Carol. Their Mama used to play it for them every Christmas morning letting them know that they were now allowed to get out of bed and descend upon the tree. Matt banged a fist into Jeff's door. "Hurry up bro, Dad's almost ready to go." In the background the song started over again. Matt smiled Jeff must have it on repeat they would probably be hearing it all morning.

Matt ducked into the bathroom to grab the aftershave he had forgotten earlier. The room was still steamy from Jeff's recent shower. He could still smell him in here all young musky hormones. He sighed and splashed some aftershave on his face. He was cursed, he'd never manage to get Jeff off his mind.

The shower door opened with a soft click that seemed impossibly loud in the sudden stillness. Matt looked over his shoulder as Jeff stepped out wrapping a towel low around his hips. Oh Damn, the single thought echoed in Matt's mind. Jeff froze in mid-action catching the heated look in Matt's eyes and hovered uncertainly half-in and half-out of the shower. A single drop of water slid down his stomach to soak into the edge of the towel and Matt felt his mouth go dry.

Before he knew what he was doing Matt had crossed the room and pulled Jeff into his arms kissing him savagely. His brother's gasp of surprise was swallowed as Matt's tongue invaded his mouth exploring every inch, claiming him. Matt couldn't get enough of how his brother tasted it was intoxicating. He ran his hands slowly over Jeff's slick warm back anxious to touch every part of him.

Matt buried his hand in Jeff's hair and dragged his head back running fiery kisses down his brother's exposed throat. He wanted to lick up every drop of water that clung to Jeff's sweet skin. He felt Jeff's pulse flutter against his lips and he sucked that little bit of skin between his lips nibbling and tasting. He could hear his brother's labored breathing as he clung to him holding onto Matt's shirt in clenched fists as if it were a lifeline.

Jeff felt himself being pushed back into the shower, his back flush against the tile, pinned between that and Matt's body, trapped between two heats. He could feel the bulge in his brother's pants pressing hard into his thigh and the thought made his knees weak. Somewhere his towel had been torn away and Matt's hands were everywhere causing his mind to spin.

Jeff pulled Matt's mouth down to his own kissing him desperately. His cock was throbbing and he felt Matt wrap a hand around his length. He jerked his hips against Matt's hand silently begging for more. He moaned against his brother's lips. It felt like his entire body was on fire. Matt's hand slipped down to knead his ass as he struggled to catch his breath from the onslaught of sensations. Matt rubbed a finger against his puckered entrance pushing in just slightly. It was overwhelming… too intense.

Tearing his mouth away Jeff begged softly, "Matt stop… please." He needed a moment to catch his breath and thoughts. He had never felt anything so overpowering as what he felt for Matt right now. His head slumped on Matt's shoulder, it was a little frightening in its scope.

It took a moment for the whispered plea to penetrate Matt's brain. He froze feeling Jeff tremble uncontrollably against him. He slowly pulled back, letting go of Jeff's body with a vast reluctance. He could see the bemusement and slight fear in his baby's eyes. He felt shame twist viscously in his stomach causing him actual pain. He turned and walked out of the room closing the door firmly behind him as Jeff stared at him in confused silence.

*****

Matt sat in misery at the church staring blindly at his hands. He felt so low, so damned miserable that he was physically ill. Jeff would never be able to forgive him for taking advantage of him like that. How could he do that to his own brother? Was he such a fucking animal that he couldn't control himself around him? Matt wanted to bury his face in his hands and bawl his eyes out. There was no excuse for what he did. How could God make him fall in love with his own brother? It was so damn sick.

Over and over Matt heard Jeff's broken entreaty in his mind. He had taken his brother's trust and twisted it, warped it. The sound of his brother's voice and the look in his eyes would haunt him forever. He vowed that he would leave tomorrow before anyone woke up. Then Jeff wouldn't have to look over his shoulder wondering when Matt would choose to pounce on him again. He stifled a groan, he just needed to get through the rest of this horrible day.

Jeff sat on the other side of their father still stunned by what had happened earlier. His lips still tingled and the smell of Matt's cologne clung to him. Lord God his brother could kiss. How come nobody had ever told him Matt could kiss like that? He wanted to pull Matt into a back pew and have him finish what he had started earlier. Jeff squirmed imperceptibly in his seat. He was still hard and his wandering thoughts were not helping the situation at all. Hmmmm, the back pew was probably not a good idea. Too bad the church was so full, the choir loft would be interesting. He sighed, it would be a long time before he would be able to get Matt alone again but as soon as he did, oh yes he had plans for his big brother.

Looking behind his father's back Jeff strained to get a glimpse of Matt. His brother sat slightly forward with his elbows on his knees. His head was down and a curtain of dark wavy hair obscured his face. He remembered the feel of that silky hair against his fingers.

Jeff shook his head slightly Matt hadn't looked at him since he had left the bathroom. A faint worried frown appeared on Jeff's brow. Maybe Matt was angry because he had asked him to stop. He hadn't meant to, it was just that things had gotten so intense, so quickly that it had frightened him a little. Maybe Matt wouldn't want to kiss him anymore. Jeff bit his lip, he hadn't meant to tease him. He cast another look at his brother wondering what he should do. He leaned forward slightly to tap his hand on Matt's shoulder and stopped at his father's stern frown. He sighed and sat back pretending to listen to the sermon determining to get Matt alone the earliest chance he got.

Later on as they climbed back into the car, Gilbert gave both of them a long look before he started the car. Matt completely ignored him staring fixedly out the window and Jeff opted for an innocent pose. "Either of you boys care to tell me what the sermon was about?"

Long silence reigned before Jeff's hopeful voice popped up. "Christmas?" A long pause again. "Joy?… Spirit of giving?…Peace? Angels and Jesus? Brotherly love and all that stuff?" He asked throwing a wicked glance Matt's way.

Matt felt like banging his head against the window hard. Jeff's voice had an evil edge to it. He had finally done it, his brother hated him now. He could feel Jeff's eyes on him burning into him as they had kept doing in church. His brother knew the full extent of his perversions now. He'd never see anything but contempt in his baby's eyes again. He felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes and blinked them furiously back.

Gilbert shook his head, "why don't you just throw gingerbread men in it too while you're at it?"

Jeff gave him a sheepish smile as Matt continued to stare moodily out the window. Gilbert sighed, teenagers… he was stuck with teenagers all by himself.

*****

Gilbert carried the hot chocolate into the living room and handed out the mugs. He surveyed the room, Jeff sat on his heels in front of the tree literally twitching with impatience and Matt sat in the armchair with his eyes closed a look of dogged determination on his face. Gilbert made a vow to himself to pull him aside sometime before he left and demand to know what the hell was going on with him. "Okay," he said looking at both of his sons, "who's first?"

"Matt!" Jeff shouted determined to pull Matt out of his funk. He couldn't be mad at him anymore after he saw what he had gotten him. He scrambled through the packages and dropped a large soft one in Matt's lap. Matt opened his eyes averting his gaze quickly from Jeff's feeling slightly disconcerted. He picked up the package slowly as Jeff sat back on his heels anxiously watching Matt's face. Matt tore off the wrapping supposing it was a sweater or some other form of clothing so he stared in surprise for a moment at the large pile of fabrics many of them brightly colored or in crazy patterns. Matt looked at Jeff in confusion trying to pull himself out of his intolerable depression wondering what was going through his brother's mind.

"It's for you to make our wrestling attire," Jeff explained. "You always said you wanted to make your own costumes." Matt lifted a black print that was covered in large daisies looking at it in bemusement. "Don't you like it?" Jeff asked looking at Matt uncertainly.

Matt chuckled slightly thinking about how colorful they were going to be in the ring. He remembered how proud Jeff had been when he had returned to the car with the package stuffed under his coat. He knew his brother had put a lot of thought into the gift. "I love it," he said smiling at Jeff looking up at him for the first time since this morning and warmed by the look of obvious love in his eyes. He reached out and ruffled his brother's hair with a numb hand.

His temporary joy faded as Matt noticed the hickey that marred the column of Jeff's throat. He felt sick shame engulf him again and watched Jeff in confusion as they opened the rest of the gifts. Jeff certainly didn't seem angry or upset about what had happened. Maybe b the implications just hadn't sunk into him yet. He didn't know what to think anymore.

Jeff reached for the pile of textbooks that Matt had wrapped he had wanted to save his brother's gift for last. "Actually that's not yours," Matt interjected tugging on his earlobe and watching Jeff intently.

Jeff looked at it, "my name's on it."

"That's yours," Matt said pointing to the large package in the corner.

"I thought you said that was a golf bag for died."

"I lied," Matt replied blandly.

Jeff pulled the wrapping paper off and stared at the treadmill box. He gave a pointed look to Matt, "a treadmill… I might as well keep the textbooks you wrapped."

Matt shook his head his brother would never change, "open the box Jeff." He bit his lip worried he knew Jeff would love the gift that wasn't the problem but he wondered if maybe Jeff would think he was trying to buy his affections with it maybe he shouldn't have gone for something so flashy.

Jeff drew the guitar case out of the box and his eyes grew wide. "Oh Matt," he whispered. He opened the case and pulled out the guitar running his hands reverently over the thin wood his face completely awestruck. He set the guitar aside and hurled himself into Matt's arms. "Thank you… thank you… thank you." Jeff kissed the side of Matt's neck sending a shiver straight down his spine then pulled back.

Bewildered Matt watched Jeff return to the guitar and immediately begin playing. "I'm going to go check on dinner," he said faintly and left the room. He felt a faint spark of hope, maybe he didn't ruin everything after all.

Jeff thoughtfully watched Matt leave. He finally figured it out, Matt wasn't mad he was afraid. And it was up to him to show his brother that there was nothing to be frightened of. The only problem was how to do it.

*****

Is it my turn to wish you were lying here.
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping.
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world.
Or even imagine your emotions. Tell myself anything...
Is it my turn to hold you by your hands.
Tell you I love you and you not hear me...
Is it my turn to totally understand.
To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing...

Jeff was downstairs still playing his guitar. Matt could hear him through his open door as he lay sprawled on his back staring up at the ceiling his thoughts a confused welter of emotions. The lyrics fit how he felt perfectly at the moment. Sometimes they were so in tune with one another that it scared him. Matt hoped that Jeff had just picked the song randomly. With his brother sometimes he never knew.

Sighing, Matt got up from the bed, tossed a duffel bag on the comforter and started stuffing his toiletries inside, he wanted to have everything ready for his early start tomorrow. He had thought it over carefully over dinner and had come to a decision. It would be best for everyone involved if he just left. Even if Jeff wasn't disgusted by his feelings, what hope of a normal relationship would they ever have? He owed it to his brother to forget that this whole morning had ever happened. Besides Jeff was just going along with his perversions because he was afraid that Matt wouldn't love him anymore if he didn't play along. He absolutely refused to use his baby brother in that way. It would be so easy to say if you loved me you'd do this for me. The thought of twisting their relationship so was repugnant.

Is there anything that I would not do,
'cause inside I'd die without you...
Yeah baby
'cause inside I'd die without you...
'cause inside I'd die without you...
Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done.
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning...

Matt closed his eyes wishing Jeff would stop singing or at least pick another song. That's exactly how he felt like he was drowning. He wanted to close the door and shut out Jeff's voice but he didn't know when he'd get the chance to hear him sing again so he savored every note relishing the pain that it brought him. When he left for school he'd feel dead again just like last semester. Like half of himself was irrevocably missing. He moved to his dresser pulling out the clothes he wanted to take with him and tossing it on the bed over his shoulder. Jeff's song broke off and he paused listening for him to pick up again and when he didn't he flipped on the radio and continued his packing.

Jeff walked up the stairs ready to confront Matt about what had happened earlier. Their father was sleeping off Christmas dinner on the couch so they had some time to themselves. He peered into Matt's room and his heart sank as he saw his brother packing for school. Fury enveloped him so powerful that he was left shaking. How dare Matt start this and then just turn around and run. Did his brother even care at all about how he would feel about being left behind again? Did he even think about his feelings?

Grabbing the football off Matt's bookshelf Jeff threw it at his brother as hard as he could and it slammed into the middle of his back. Matt dropped the shirt he was folding and spun around his mouth falling open in astonishment. "What the fuck?"

Jeff flew across the room and shoved Matt sending him into a stunned sprawl back on his bed. "I hate you! Go ahead and leave I don't care. In fact I hope you never come back!" Tears streamed down his face and the sobs that he held back threatened to choke him. He turned back towards his own room, "and you can keep the fucking guitar I don't want it anymore."

For a long time Matt lay on the bed listening to his brother cry in his own room. At one point Jeff had let out a yell and had throw something against the wall that connected his room to Matt's. He wanted to go in there and apologize, take him in his arms and kiss him until his tears stopped but he knew that he was the last person on earth that Jeff wanted to see right now. His heart ached so bad at the moment that it hurt to breathe. Jeff had to see that this was the only way. There was no future for them together. He would go to school, get his head back on straight and when he returned everything would be back to normal. He curled up into a ball on his bed clutching his hair in his hands. This morning he had thought that they day couldn't get any worse he had been wrong.

*****

Christmas 1992

Merry Fucking Christmas! I hate him! I hate him so much right now that I don't care if he never comes back from school. I just wished he would come in here and say something, do something before he left and he didn't. I know he's going to leave without saying anything. He can go to hell cuz I hate him.

*****

Matt paused outside Jeff's doorway his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. A part of him had hoped that Jeff would've put on his alarm clock again and crawled into his bed giving him an excuse not to leave but his brother never showed up. It was for the better anyway he had to leave. The house was quiet their father had long since gone to sleep after reaming them both out for fighting on Christmas Day. He set the duffel bag on the floor and quietly opened the door he knew it was weak but had to see his brother one more time before he left.

Jeff lay sprawled out on his bed the covers half falling off him onto the floor. Matt shook his head, his brother was stark naked the moonlight streaming in from the window outlined his body with a marble glow. Lord it was a beautiful sight. Matt crossed the room and picked up the blankets pulling them up around his brother and tucking him in. He'd be damned if he let Jeff freeze himself to death.

Matt stared at his brother for a long time. Lines of grief still marred his face even as he slept and he longed to ease them away. He reached out caressing his cheek and Jeff turned his face into his palm his expression relaxing slightly. Matt leaned down his forehead touching his brother's. "I love you Jeff, with my whole soul. I just want you to be happy."

He hadn't meant to kiss him but Matt's lips sought out Jeff's of their own volition before he could stop himself. He just needed to savor him one last time before he left, to leave with one good memory of this whole sorry holiday. He could taste the tears on Jeff's lips and his own tears slid out to mingle with his brother's. "I'm sorry baby," he whispered against his lips.

Jeff's arms crept around Matt's neck and his tongue slipped in between his lips. Groaning Matt pushed him further into the mattress, their tongues tangling as each one sought to claim possession of the other. Jeff fisted his hands in Matt's thick hair tugging him closer still. With his whole body he urged Matt to come down and join him on the bed.

Matt gave up all pretense of trying to walk away it was utterly impossible when Jeff was kissing him like that. Feeling slightly awkward he clambered onto the bed with Jeff his hands sliding under the blankets against Jeff's bare skin. He pulled his brother roughly to him. "Jesus Jeff you could tempt a saint," Matt groaned kissing him down his throat, letting his tongue dip in the hollow there.

Jeff smiled in triumph. "You are hardly a saint. Besides," his teeth nipped at Matt's earlobe, "you're the only one I want." He slid Matt's sweater off and tossed it to the side. Pulling back slightly, he ran exploring hands over his brother's chest and back watching every flicker of expression that crossed Matt's face.

Matt's breathing was harsh and shallow. It had been so long since he had done anything to relieve all of his pent-up sexual frustration. His cock was rock hard and throbbing painfully against the fabric of his jeans. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to hold back, that he would hurt Jeff. He wanted this to be a perfect experience for him. He bit his lip hard willing himself some control.

Matt scrambled out of the rest of his clothes anxious to feel Jeff's bare skin next to his. He groaned it was fucking better than he had ever imagined. His baby was so damn smooth, so hot, Matt burned next to him. It was heaven. His tongue snaked down Jeff's chest, impatient to taste every inch of him. He pulled his brother's nipple into his mouth roughly, nipping and pulling at the sensitive skin and was rewarded with the sound of Jeff's low moan.

Sliding further down Matt breathed in the intoxicating sent of Jeff's arousal. He ran his tongue up the underside of his cock before taking him fully into his mouth. Jeff's hips arched off the bed and his hands tangled roughly in Matt's hair he could hear his brother's desperate whimpers. Jeff's cock throbbed in his mouth and he applied a hard suction the sound of Jeff's broken murmurs spurring him on. He wanted to feel Jeff explode in his mouth, needed to taste him fully.

Jeff's moans grew louder and more insistent. Finally Matt broke away and crawled up his brother's body kissing him hard. "Jeff we have to be quiet or Dad'll hear." He shuddered to think what his father would do if he found them like this but even that threat couldn't make him stop.

Jeff nodded his eyes huge and dazed in the moonlight. His hands slid down Matt's body to cup his erection in his hands. Matt groaned his hips jerking involuntarily at his brother's touch. He had wanted to feel Jeff's hands on him like this for what seemed like forever. Jeff gently pushed Matt onto his back and continued his stroking. Matt's nails scraped against the sheets and he bit his lip painfully again Jeff's hands were sheer torture.

Jeff leaned over, yanked open a dresser drawer and pawed through it for a moment. He returned a moment later spilling something onto his hands. Matt hissed through his teeth as his brother's hands returned to his aching cock, the oil let Jeff stroke him harder and faster. He was completely helpless in his baby's hands. Jeff watched Matt writhe underneath him a feeling of power taking him over. He had never felt anything like this before, it was addicting. Sensing Matt was near, he leaned forward kissing him, thrusting his tongue into his mouth.

Matt choked back a scream, half rising off the bed as he came. He twisted his hands in the sheets so hard he was surprised that they didn't tear. Matt fell back against the covers breathing hard. He could feel Jeff's eyes on him and he smiled. Jeff brought his hand to his lips tasting and Matt felt his cock twitch to life again. "Mmmmm you taste good."

"My turn," Matt whispered hoarsely. He grabbed a startled Jeff and flipped him over so that their positions were reversed. He chuckled down at Jeff's started expression and kissed his brother deeply tasting himself on his lips. He lay down next to him pulling him into his arms. He was going to take his time, love Jeff the way he was meant to be loved the way he always wanted to.

Matt started by kissing his baby again long, slow, deep kisses that left them both feeling as is they were drunk. He could lie here forever just kissing him it was so perfect. He began to touch Jeff all over at first featherlight caresses that soon changed into teasing strokes. Before long his brother was writhing in his arms and begging incoherently. It was such a wonderful sound.

Jeff stiffened as Matt ran a finger over his entrance. He had never been penetrated before and was a little intimidated by it. Matt pulled back slightly, looked down at his baby brother and brushed back his hair gently. "You don't have to do this if you don't wanna," he said softly. He prayed that Jeff would say yes because he wasn't really sure if he could stop at this point.

"No, no I want to," Jeff threw his arms around Matt's neck afraid he was going to leave. "I'm just nervous I guess."

"We'll go slow," Matt promised kissing him. "I won't do anything to hurt you." Jeff nodded and Matt kissed him again deeply until he felt his brother melt against him.

Matt slid down Jeff's body and hooked his legs over his shoulders. Jeff looked down at him uncertainly and Matt grinned back at him willing him to trust him and relax. He swirled his tongue around the head of Jeff's cock rubbing his thumb against his baby brother's puckered hole keeping his eyes locked on his brothers. Jeff shuddered then let out a little yelp as Matt's head dipped lower and he felt his brother's tongue against his entrance. "Ohhh Matt." He squirmed slightly in his embrace eager for more.

Matt alternated between long slow licks over Jeff's cock and probing him with his tongue until he felt that Jeff was ready for the next step. He grabbed the oil pouring some unto his fingers. He nibbled on the thick vein on Jeff's cock enjoying the sounds of Jeff's breathy moans. His brother was so beautifully responsive to everything he did. He slowly penetrated him with his finger and nudged against his baby's prostate.

Jeff gasped at the little spark of electricity that rushed through him. "Do that again," he demanded breathlessly.

Matt smiled and pressed against Jeff's sweet spot again and little harder and longer this time. Jeff felt himself loosening under the onslaught of intense pleasure. Matt watched his baby brother's expression raptly as he fingered him. Jeff was so beautiful in his passion.

Matt slowly added another finger working through Jeff's resistance as gently as possible. He was so damn tight, Matt felt weak at the thought of all that heat and tightness around him. He increased his attentions on Jeff's cock as he fingered him, trying to get him prepared as quickly as possible without hurting his baby brother. After dreaming about this for so long he was impatient to be buried deep inside Jeff.

By the time he felt that Jeff was ready his brother was in a frenzy to get off. He was clutching Matt's shoulders insistently, his nails digging painfully into his skin. Matt withdrew his fingers and moved quickly over him startling Jeff with his sudden movement. He saw the flicker of uncertainty in Jeff's eyes. Before Jeff could change his mind, Matt kissed him deeply and slid into him to the hilt pressing hard against his prostate.

Jeff let out a strangled whimper against Matt's mouth, jerking his hips against him and convulsing around Matt's cock. Matt groaned fighting the urge to start slamming into his brother. Jeff's orgasm seemed to last forever and Matt was shaking by the time it was through.

Jeff lay spent in Matt's arms feeling their sweaty skin sticking together. Matt was still so hard inside him, so huge it was amazing. He felt Matt slide almost all the way out then slowly back in again moaning as his brother's cock hit his over-sensitive prostate.

Matt tried valiantly to maintain his slow pace but every moan, every whimper from Jeff drove him so damn crazy that soon his was slamming into his baby brother. Jeff didn't seem to mind though, Matt knew he would have claw marks all over his back the next morning as Jeff's hands scrabbled over his skin. His brother's hips rose to meet his own with their own ferociousness. He didn't dare lift his mouth from Jeff's because he knew their father would hear their cries for sure if he did. Lost forever in that timeless moment that was skin to skin and mouth to mouth they fucked each other with all the pent up fury they had held inside them the past week.

Feeling his orgasm coming on Matt growled possessively and wrapped his hand around Jeff's cock wanting to fell him come undone in his arms again. Jeff stiffened against him mewling lowly and Matt felt his hot cum splash against his stomach and hand. Shudders running down his spine, Matt growled again, exploding, his orgasm draining him entirely. He collapsed against Jeff both of them breathing heavily. Somehow he found the strength to roll off of Jeff and pull him into his arms.

Matt contemplated getting up and retrieving a washcloth to clean them both off, or maybe he could coax Jeff into the shower. The thought was definitely appealing. He sighed and decided against it, his brother was going to be sore as hell as it was tomorrow anyway. Besides he wasn't entirely sure he could move at this point.

Jeff yawned against his neck and muttered, "you'd better be here in the morning," then promptly fell asleep his arms wrapped loosely around Matt. He smiled wryly he'd better stow his duffel bag back in his room before Jeff saw it. He sighed it had been so close if he hadn't come in here Jeff would have woken up the next morning and he would've been gone. He closed his eyes holding Jeff close to him thankful that Jeff had been spared that discovery.

Matt lay there listening to the peaceful rhythm of his baby brother's breathing for a long time. He wondered if Jeff understood all of the ramifications of what had transpired between them tonight. No matter what happened now Matt wouldn't be able to walk away from him. It was too late. They would have to live out half their lives in secret but maybe somehow they would make it work.