"All I ever wanted was for you to love me," he said as brown eyes, filled with tears to the point of overflowing, pleaded with cold gray ones. "That was your mistake," The older man spat. "I could never love a slut like you."

Beaten and dejected the brown eyed boy turned and wandered out of the room wondering where his life had gone wrong, but for the life of him couldn't remember a time when he felt any better than he did now. All his life he'd taken care of others. He'd raised Jeff since they were practically babies, definitely too young for either of them to be in charge of the other. Somehow he'd gathered this small family of broken and needy boys all shattered with their own issues and yet fiercely loyal to each other in the eyes of an outsider. Daddy dearest he may be, but he'd done the best he could by his boys sacrificing himself to the point where he couldn't remember what his own needs were let alone how to see to them. And his darling little cherubs that he'd loved and nurtured all seemed to feel that he did not need their sympathy and support.

He was so tired of being left alone to suffer with his own pains that he didn't even know you could live without anxiety burning in your gut every morning at the thought of being torn apart some more by those professing to love you. Six men… boys really, all in need of something that people who didn't understand them thought you could only get from a man carrying a little white jacket. He had always believed that all they needed was love and some understanding to fix all their various aches and pains, but when it came to his own they just played innocent and skipped off giggling happily letting him to fix his own problems.

When was it his time to shine? When did he get to be loved and worshiped? When did he get to be pampered and spoiled and told he did no wrong? When was his pain going to end? When was someone going to start caring?

Quietly Matt eased into his hotel room. He didn't really need to take such care to be quiet as his room was empty but years from traveling with Jeff and more recently Shannon made him cautious of waking sleeping babies even when they were off fucking their latest conquest. Glancing at the empty bed Matt sighed trying to pretend his heart didn't crack a little further at the betrayal. He had told himself that he wasn't really falling in love with Shannon, but it didn't do any good and when it came right down to it… he'd been fooled again.

Sitting down on the edge of the empty bed Matt picked up the extra pillow Shannon always ordered and hugged it close to his chest burying his face in it so that it could mop up the tears he wanted to believe weren't falling down his face. All he'd ever wanted was to be loved like he loved others and yet somehow he always got the short end of the stick. He was so tired and in so much pain that he couldn't remember what feeling good felt like.

The hands on his shoulders surprised him and turning he would have gasped but for the finger placed across his lips. "God Ah'm sorry," the soft voice whispered, his accent weaving a cloud of comfort around Matt's wounded soul. Luscious lips were placed on his and Matt's eyes drifted shut as his hands rose to touch familiar shoulders… shoulders he'd always wished could comfort him as they did the babies, but never really held any serious hope that he would be granted a spot on them.

"Please Matty," the soft voice begged. "Ah've waited so long and ah jus can't stand ta see you in pain no longer." Matt would have deepened the kiss but it was done for him as the other man pressed forward seeming as if he was trying to blend them into one human, which was just fine with Matt. The other man pressed his shoulders backwards and finally Matt let himself fall to lay flat on the bed with the other man hovering over him. Slowly clothes were stripped off in between slow deep kisses that heated their blood.

Hands lingered then pawed restlessly as the two men explored each other learning and memorizing tastes, shapes, and textures. Each longed to go slow but their hearts weren't into it and each hoped that there would be a second encounter so that they could do it the right way then. Matt had always been the leader and aggressor in a relationship, but when this other man took the lead he didn't think to argue, not having the heart for it, just desperate for the pain to stop.

His legs were pushed up and the other man's head was placed at his entrance after a thorough stretching. Somehow the man managed to be gentle and scorching simultaneously as he found his way inside of Matt as if preventing and cauterizing the pain at the same time. Matt let his head fall back trying to shut off his brain to anything but the sensations running through his body right at that moment. Sex without thought was so much easier. It was supposed to prevent more pain and heartbreak when the other man just called him a whore and left to join his true love… whomever that might be. But with this man… that was hard to do.

This wasn't just… one of the boys… this was his friend; this was the mommy to his babies. This was someone that he'd respected and longed for thinking only HE could save him from his pain, but now that he was here… what was the chance it would work? When finally his body broke, sobs escaped Matt's soul tearing through his body 'til his chest heaved tiredly. Like the mommy he was his partner crawled up beside Matt, wrapping himself around his friend like a shield wishing only to make all the bad things go away.

Eventually Matt ran out of tears and began stroking the short green curls on his friend's head. When the other man opened his mouth to speak, Matt hushed him saying he didn't have the strength and reluctantly the other man agreed. Slowly his breathing eased until Matt knew he was asleep probably dreaming happy dreams.

Sighing Matt stared up at the ceiling and tried to examine the night's events. Momentarily his pain was eased if not only slightly. Somehow he didn't feel the scorching burn of anxiety rushing through his soul, but didn't feel the cool calmness of its absence either. Never in life had he been allowed to be truly happy and cynically Matt didn't believe it was going to happen now either. True to form he couldn't help but wonder… when was the Carolina Momma going to break his heart too?

The End… Maybe?

Read the second story in the series Gone for Now