Chapter 1

Author's Note: OK… this goes WAY beyond a tissue warning people, but most of the worse parts are in the second, third and fourth chapters of this part. The first chapter just kinda gets you ready for the others and gives you an idea of what's gonna be revealed. If you are really squicky with the chapter content you may be able to get away with reading the first chapter only and have some idea of what Jensen went through. Although you will need the other chapters to get the big picture and to understand who all the bad guys are. I am sorry if this will confuse those of you who chose not to read the other chapters later in the Verse.

AN2: This is the "don't send me hate mail" note. I in NO WAY have anything against any of the actors I have made into the "bad guys" or claim to know anything about any of them. I in no way want to imply I think ANY of these actors would do any of these things to anyone!! It is used strictly for plot. Someone has to be the bad guys people. Also, I PURPOSELY did NOT date check, fact check, compare where Jensen was when. For my own reasons I like to keep things of this nature as far from the truth as possible. So please no comments of Jensen didn't do that 'til here and know this person 'til then and such and so forth. Names of family members have also been purposely been changed again for my own reasons. I just don't like using family members in my stories. So in other words… suspend what you "know" about Jensen's life and career because it won't fit here.

If Jared didn't know better he'd say Jensen was contagious and if something didn't happen soon either he was gonna kill Jen or loose his mind. Either way the possibilities didn't look promising. The twitchier Jensen got the more irritable Jared seemed to become. The last thing he wanted to do was to make another trip to sit by that damned alley, but he really had no choice. He'd caught himself in an endless loop that could only be broken by Jensen. Until he decided that something had to change, nothing would. It was hard.

It wasn't like Jared had any misconception that this thing was going to be easy while he'd been planning, but he'd had no way of knowing that it was going to be this hard - or that he was going to be this alone. Jared was a social person, unlike Jensen who was always perfectly happy to hibernate somewhere choosing only to venture out into society when he knew he'd be safe or unbothered.

Jared on the other hand thrived on other people. He needed interaction. He needed to laugh and talk bullshit and meet new people. This self imposed isolation was killing him slowly and surely and he had no idea of how to stop it. He was wandering blind in a blizzard and felt like he had no hope of a way out. His ignorance of what he was trying to accomplish was more and more apparent to him every day. It was starting to get to the point where he was beginning to doubt himself and he knew once that happened they were doomed. The more isolated he felt the angrier he got. The angrier he got the more he felt like he was doing every thing wrong. The more over his head he felt the more his lack of help hit him, which only led back to the isolation.

He needed to get out and see someone other than just Jensen. But would Jensen venture beyond the apartment? Should Jensen leave the apartment? Was Jensen better off here where Jared had some control of his comings and goings or was making him a prisoner only making things worse? It always came back to what was best for Jensen, to what would make him believe, make him trust in himself, in them.

But what about Jared?

A pair of arms slipped around his waist and he felt something press against his shoulder blades, most likely Jensen's cheek. He was a little shocked to find out how affectionate his new lover had become once the last physical barrier had been breached. Jen had always been someone stiff with showing his affection, but since the night they'd made love Jen'd been completely different in that aspect, almost as if it was some sign he'd been waiting for that it was ok to show Jared how he felt., that it was ok to touch and be touched. It made Jared wonder and the thoughts forming weren't pleasant.

"Love you, Jay," Jensen whispered against the back of his neck and Jared smiled slightly feeling some of his tension ease a little. He didn't fail to notice that as he relaxed so did Jensen until Jared turned and pulled Jensen into his arms resting his cheek on the top of the other man's head.

"I love you too, Jen," Jared said softly rubbing his back almost expecting the older man to start purring he seemed so content. Gently one of Jared's big hands kneaded Jensen's neck drawing out a sigh of pleasure.

"Feel's good Jay," Jensen sighed feeling himself melt into his lover. "Knew it'd be like this with you, Jay, I knew it. You make me so happy. You make me feel like I belong, like I'm safe with you, Jay. Always keep me safe. Always love me. Made me yours, when no one else wanted me, no one else's ever wanted me 'cept you. Not for anythin' good, but you're good. Couldn't want me for anythin' bad 'cause you're light. Not like them, they were all dark, but not you Jay. You're light. You'll help me be light too. Won't you Jay?"

And just like that all Jared's anger and tension faded. He'd never understood how Jensen managed it. It's like the first time they met he'd gotten some "how to handle Jared" manual no one else had. "Of course I will," Jared promised automatically ignoring the uncertainty rumbling beneath the surface of his temporary ease. "But look man, I need to… I mean…"

Jared looked down at Jensen when he felt the other man pull back slightly and saw the worry in his friend's eyes. Taking a deep breath Jared tried again. "Jen, I love you and I love being here with you. I love having you to myself, but, this whole 'the world doesn't exist besides us' thing just… it isn't me Jen. I can't do it endlessly like you can. I need to get out. I need to see that the world exists beyond my house. It doesn't have to be big, man, just dinner or somethin'. Please?"

Jensen wanted to shrink back and hide at just the suggestion, but he forced himself to remember that Jared didn't hate the world the way he did. Jared'd had mostly good experiences unlike Jensen. Jared thought the world was a good place unlike Jensen who knew it was evil with only good parts. As far as Jen was concerned there was no reason (other than leaving to get drugs) to ever leave this little good part hidden inside Jared's house because this is where he was loved and taken care of. What would happen to him if they left and found one of those people and they showed Jared just what kind of a person Jensen really was?

On the other hand Jared needed people and keeping him locked up in his own home would only chase him away. Jensen could see how the forced inactivity was affecting him. It was bad enough he couldn't bring his babies home, having instead to leave them with his parents in Texas. Maybe they could get away with dinner… maybe.

But Jensen doubted it. He didn't have that kind of luck.

As it turned out dinner was fine, it was when Jared insisted on stopping to rent some movies that was the mistake. He should have played whatever card he could think of and get them home, but Jared'd been so happy that Jensen didn't have the heart to disappoint him. And honestly, Jensen had been having fun, which should have been his first sign that everything was going to go wrong.

Jared had been standing at the back of the truck waiting on him to get out of the cab. Jensen's door had been open and he'd been in the process of getting out when he heard the voice. Immediately his stomach clenched and his hands curled as a sense of doom set in.

"Jay!" Jared heard and turned to see Tommy and Mike coming out of the video store. Reacting on instinct, Jared flashed a friendly smile and took Tom's hand pulling him into a shoulder bump before grabbing onto Mike giving a real hug.

"What the fuck boys? Mikey you still hangin' out with this fugly bastard?" Jared asked grinning wide then chuckling as Tom made a face. Resting his arm easily around Mike's shoulders Jared's eyes flicked to the cab where Jensen sat seeming frozen. Unsure of what to do Jared decided that drawing attention to his lover wasn't the best idea and reasoned it would be better to leave Jen to come out when he was ready.

Unfortunately Jared hadn't seen Tom's true nature before and didn't know it didn't really make a difference one way or the other. If he had he'd probably have bundled Jensen up and whisked him away stealing Mike like some prisoner of war.

"You know how it is Jay," Mike commented chuckling. "Nobody will have me and I kinda feel sorry for the pretty boy there."

Smiling Jared shifted his eyes back to Tom just in time to see the dark look that promised nothing good before it was quickly hidden. Momentarily thrown Jared filed it away to examine later wondering why the other man would be looking at someone who was as devoted to him as Mike was like that.

"So how's the charity case Jay?" Tom asked snidely and Jared frowned feeling Mike suddenly go tense under his arm. Not immediately answering Jared studied Tom not sure what he was looking for. He almost wrote off the glassy eyes as it wasn't unusual for one or both of them to be smoking pot on their off time, but a quick check of Mike and a sniff told him Mike hadn't been smoking. Jared found himself eyeing Tom closer wondering what he'd missed over the years he'd known him.

"I don't know what charity case you're referring to, Tom," Jared said evenly keeping his temper in check as his mind worked through things that he'd seen or heard in the past and never paid attention to.

"You know, that freckle faced whore you've taken on. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to take people like that into your home? Leave 'em on the street to lie in their filth I say."

Jared straightened and felt Mike's arm around his chest tighten as Jared's jaw clenched. "You can't be talking about Jensen like that, Tommy, because you couldn't possibly wanna piss me off. So I have no idea what you're referring to. Jensen has a problem, but he isn't a goddamned whore and I don't appreciate you talking about him like that."

Tom scoffed his mouth curling into an unpleasant grin as he turned his attention to Jensen, but spoke only to Jared. "Jensen Ackles is a whore, Jay. Look I've kept my mouth shut because I know you're all green and stupid, but I can't let him keep using you like this. He isn't worth it, Jay. I heard what you've done, Jesus man! Giving up your goddamn career for a piece of shit that's just gonna stab you in the back? Come ON! He's worthless. He's nothing. Why do you think he has no friends left besides you?

"Because the rest of us know he ain't worth it. He's useless. He's stupid. He took it up the ass to get his first photo shoot and he's been using his ass to get every part he's ever been in since! He's a junkie whore who uses people to get what he wants and when he's taken everything they have from him he moves onto his next victim!

"Hell his own family doesn't want to have anything to do with him. His Step-Father has practically disowned him. Throw him back into the gutter where he belongs!"

Jared's teeth were grinding so hard he was surprised one of them hadn't cracked. Mike's arms on him were about as good of a resistance as string of toilet paper keeping back an oncoming tank. The only reason it kept him back that long was because Jared still wanted it to. "An' what've you done ta contribute ta alla that Tommy?" Jared drawled quietly. He could just see Jensen wince in the cab and he could sorta feel Mike trembling, but he was too tunnel-visioned to really pay attention to either.

"I know you ain't a boy scout Tommy. Ya know I always accepted the abundance of pot around you an' Mike as Mike's doin' because that's what everyone else does. My bad I guess, 'cause now I'm beginnin' to wonder."

Tom scowled and threw an irritated glare at Jared. "What does one have to do with the other? Big deal? I smoke pot. What the fuck is your charity case doin, Jay? I bet you don't even know all the shit he's got in your house. He's a fuckin' walking drug store, Jay! Cut the worthless piece of ass LOOSE!"

"You know, Tommy, I'm beginning to wonder why you're so upset about my relationship with Jen. Could it be because there's something about your own relationship with him you don't want me to know about?" When Tom's attention was turned back to him suddenly as his eyes widened, Jared knew he'd hit gold.

"Wha'd you do to Jensen, Tommy? Get him hooked? Use him for a convenient piece a ass? You take that anger o' yours out on him maybe like you do Mike?" The last had been just a vague idea, but when Mike began shaking in earnest his arms slipping so that only his hands held onto Jared's belt loops, Jay knew he'd hit onto something and found his anger increase. Mike was a good guy. Obnoxious and rude sometimes, but Jared had always wondered if that routine hid something.

"Wha'd you do Tommy Boy?" Jared drawled again taking a step forward. He didn't miss Tom's jaw clench as if he was fighting a flight reflex.

"I didn't do anything to your whore he didn't want done, didn't beg to be done. And I surely didn't give him anything he didn't get down on those well used knees and suck me off for. He's worse than a street tramp, Jay! He's nothing. He deserves everything he's gotten. And Mike isn't much better. If they had cast someone with an ounce of acting ability as Lex the show would be doing better, but nooooooooo. I'm stuck with this lump of shit around my neck."

Jared laughed at that, arms curled around his stomach and head thrown back and if any of the others through it was an honest funny laugh they hadn't been really paying attention. When Jared's head lifted again and his eyes bore into Tom they were filled with a level of hatred none of them expect maybe Jared himself had ever believed the easy going happy-go-lucky man was capable of.

"You're the piece of shit actor, Tom. If it wasn' for MIKE your show would be pretty much unwatchable! I can't believe I didn't see what an awful human being y'are. You stand there an' accuse Jen of using up people, when the truth is it's you that does it. You take all their goodness an' suck it out of 'em an' fill 'em with this blackness an' worthlessness so you look better. You tried to destroy Jen an' now you're workin' on Mikey."

Turning his attention to the wide eyed man behind him, Jared squeezed a shoulder. "Anytime you need a place, man. You jus' say the word. You don't need him Mikey. You got friends."

Jared waited for him to nod his understanding before turning his eyes to Jensen even though he spoke only to Tom. "You stay away from Jensen, Tommy. An' when Mike leaves your worthless ass, you stay away from him too. You're a bad person. You're like some goddamned disease infecting good people around you. I don't care what you tell me 'bout Jen. I know better. He ain't no goddamned whore. There are two sides to every tale asshole an' I'll believe Jen's every time. Unlike you he's good, broken at the moment maybe, but he's still got good under all that brokenness.

"Whether or not he's done all that stuff you said he did doesn't mean jack to me. I love Jen and there ain't nothin' that a waste of air like you's gonna do or say to convince me otherwise. I know what's under all you broke even if you were too shortsighted or too blind to see it."

Tom snorted unmoved by Jared's words. "Jensen was plenty much a mess when I met him Jared. You're so cute in your naïveté. You think I'm the one that 'broke Jensen'. All I did was use what someone else had trained him to be, take advantage of his true self. Nothing, worthless, brainless, talent less, whore, junkie, I could go on forever Jared. I told you once already. I did nothing he didn't beg me for. Hell I didn't do anything you ain't doin now.

"I bet your banging that ass, aren't you Jay? Filling him with drugs and fucking him senseless. That's all he's worth Jay. That's all he'll ever be worth. I didn't make it, I just took advantage of the cheap sex when it was available to me."

Jared couldn't even see through the red haze and it was only Jensen's voice that drew him out. "Please, Jay, you gotta stop or they'll call the cops and you can't leave me." Pausing mid-swing Jared looked up to see Jensen holding onto his arm afraid, eyes shining for once more from tears than the drugs. "Please, Jay lets just go home. Take me home please?"

Jared looked down at Tom's beaten and bloody face not remembering doing it, but not really caring that he did and nodded. "You get what you deserve, Tommy Boy. Don't forget what I said. Stay away from Jensen. Stay away from Mike. Don't think I'm afraid to kill your dumb ass 'cause I ain't. I'd be doing the world a favor."

Jared let himself be pulled up, but before Jensen could draw him away he looked at Mike one last time. "When you're ready, Mikey." Then he was drawn away getting in the truck and heading towards home with nothing but silence filling the cab.

Later he sat on the bathroom counter, legs spread with Jensen standing between them fussing over his busted knuckles. "You shouldn't have hurt yourself because of me, Jay. He didn't say anything that ain't the truth."

Reigning in his temper Jared took a breath before he spoke. "Tom spoke through smoke and mirrors, Jensen. He used the truth as an illusion to hide reality. You're not a whore. You're not worthless or any of those other things he said about you. Yea, you have a drug problem, but people like him haven't helped. He used your addiction against you to justify his own depravity. You were an easy target for him. Look at me Jen."

Jensen lifted his head worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and gently Jared rescued the abused flesh running a thumb over it before placing a kiss between Jensen's eyes. "You're an easy target for people like him Jensen, until you stop letting them use you. You're good, Jen, just a little broken. Now I haven't ever claimed that I know what the hell I'm doing here, but it seems to me that you need to start talking. You need to let out all the crap that people have done to you. Not the truth as you see it, but how it really happened without their bias to cloud things. The longer you hold things in the harder it will be to let it out and the more power these fuckers will have over you, baby. Talk to me."

Jensen carefully wrapped the gauze around Jared's hands then taped it off. When he was done Jared forced his eyes up to meet his own. "Talk to me," he said softly placing a gentle kiss on Jared's lips.

"I'm scared," Jensen whispered ashamed ducking his head and hiding it against Jared's chest.

Jared sighed and wrapped his arms around Jensen pulling the trembling man in. "What are you afraid of, baby?"

"That you'll leave me when you realize what I am. You'll see I'm not good, that I'm dirty and that Tom was right and you'll leave me." Jensen's fingers curled into the material of the back of Jared's shirt. "Need you, Jay. I can't loose you." Jensen's stomach clenched and he felt like he was going to puke as silent tears soaked Jared's chest. He was scared to death and he didn't see any way out of it. Jared was his only goodness, his only light and all the truth would do was take that away.

Carefully Jared placed kisses over the back of Jensen's head as he rubbed his back and his arms waiting for the man to relax before he spoke. "I'm not leaving you Jensen. You're a victim in all this, not the villain. You can't make me see something that isn't there, baby. You're good. Trust me, Jen. Trust me enough to tell me what they've done to you."

Jared's hands soothed him. Jensen felt himself relaxing despite his fear as Jared once again took over his senses pushing everything back behind him. "If I tell you, Jay, if I tell you then you gotta promise you won't leave. I can't… I can't tell you if you don't promise." Jen's hands curled again at the demand, but he didn't know what else to do. Jared was all he had and he'd keep him with him even if it was by guilt. He knew if Jared promised he'd never break it.

"I promise Jen," Jared said easily sighing as he rubbed his cheek against Jensen's hair. "No leaving once I know." For Jared it was an easy promise to make requiring not a second of consideration. His brain was already working through the possibilities, translating what Tom had alluded to into factual content.

He knew for a fact that Jensen started modeling as a small child somewhere between 8 and 10. If Tom had been right in the statement that something sexual had happened at his first shoot that would make it child abuse, not Jensen putting out to get a part.

He also knew that Jensen's step-father was a holy roller, high and mighty, holier than thou wanna be religious man who talked a good speech and then practiced only enough of what he preached to make people believe his game. Jared had only met the man a time or two and had a deep seeded hatred for the man.

And lastly he knew from Mike who had known Jensen longer than Tom had, that Jensen wasn't like this before he started Smallville. Not to say he hadn't used, but he hadn't been like this, hadn't been so far into drugs that he couldn't see his way out. They had however been present, which meant that someone else had in fact introduced them into Jensen's life. Jared couldn't wonder if the good 'ol boy Christian Kane wasn't responsible for that.

The bad guys were stacking up fast and Jared wasn't sure how he was gonna deal with some of these people, but there was a part of him that hoped Tom's ass wasn't the only one he was gonna get to kick before all was said and done. "Where do you want me to start?" He heard and smiled with relief into the back of Jensen's head. Hugging him tight before pulling back Jared kissed him softly on the lips once more before moving him back slightly and hopping down.

"Baby, as long as you start somewhere, you can do it wherever you want." Tugging Jensen's hand Jared led him through the house and to the living room to settle on the couch. Once he'd settled himself comfortably, Jared opened his arms and Jensen hurriedly crawled into his lap wrapping his arms around Jared's waist and tucking his head under his chin. It had become his favorite spot to be with Jared. Curled up in his lap with Jared wrapped around him, Jensen felt like he had the best protection in the world. Every day his heart expanded with the love he got from this man.

Back in the parking lot when Tom had been tearing into him he'd waited for the darkness to seep into him, for it to steal what Jared had given him, but somehow the love this man had entrusted him with remained a constant. Jensen knew that only he could fix his life, but Jared's love was making him feel at least secure enough to believe that maybe he wasn't as alone as he'd always believed he was. "My daddy died when I was 8. He was shot. I was there." Jensen started quietly and Jared's eyes closed as he tried to get himself ready for this tale.

But no matter how horrible he'd imagined it would be, that didn't even come close to what he was about to find out the reality was.

Read Chapter Two of the Fifth Step in the Steps Verse