Met you in a cafe
At a table meant for two
You were sitting by your lonesome
When I sat down with you
Tried hard not to show it
But I couldn't help but see
That you wore your broken heart out on your sleeve
And your loneliness could not disguise
The beauty and the charm
Thought if I ever get you, shattered baby, in my arms
I'm gonna rock you, baby, to sleep
I'm gonna make you crazy over me
I'm gonna hold you like you've never been held before
And love you till you tell me you can't love anymore
I'm gonna shake your emotion right down to your soul
And then I'm gonna love you all over, in and out of control
If this is how love is supposed to feel
baby I know I've fallen head over heels
I'm gonna rock you baby
Over open conversation and a bottle of red wine
You said this world is full of users and I know that I've had mine
We danced a little slow dance until they closed that cafe down
You said 'what would be the chances that tonight I finally found
Someone who makes me feel like my life is just began?'
I said 'boy believe in me and I'll show you how it's done.'


Bars are lonely places. I mean, sure they're usually full of people, but you can be in the middle of a crowd and still be all alone, ya know? Hotel bars are the worst, and that's where I'm stuck right now. Matt just called to tell me I'm an uncle. And I'm supposed to be bouncin' off the walls with joy right now? Yeah, big brother - you're life is all fine and good and wonderful, and mine has gone to hell. Yippee for me.

I picked the table in the darkest corner for a reason. Maybe if I sit here out of the way, and stare at the label on my bottle of beer, then nobody will see me, nobody will talk to me, nobody will acknowledge my existence. It's kinda obvious that Matt doesn't notice any more. He's got his wife, his kid, his house with the white picket fence. And what do I have?

Nothing. That's what I have. Absofuckinlutely not a goddamn thing, except a huge hole in my heart that he took with him when he went back to her. After everything we did, everything we went through, all it took was a look from her and he went back. Okay, so I was havin' doubts about us, cuz of all that crazy shit he was talkin' about the three of us workin' this out, but damn - he left me, high and dry, once again.

I'm goin' back over all the years we were together - and not together - tryin' to figure out what we coulda done different to make it work, when I realize there was nothin' to do. We're brothers, damn it, and there ain't a thing we could do to change that. So, I'll just sit here and try not to dwell on it too much, drink my beer and fade into the oblivion that has become my life.

I'm thinkin' about goin' over to the bar and gettin' another beer when I see somebody comin' over to the table. Suddenly, I want to be invisible more'n anything in the world, cuz I know I can't handle anybody askin' what's wrong with me. How the hell do I explain this one? If Shane or Shannon were here, I wouldn't have to explain, cuz they'd just know.

But, they ain't here, so I'm gonna have to think real quick, which is gonna be a neat trick, considering I have enough booze in me to pickle Show. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, gettin' ready to put on my best fake smile, when I hear a way too familiar voice say my name. I relax a little, cuz I know I ain't gotta try to be happy around him. He knows me too well.

His hazel eyes are studyin' my face, tryin' to figure out what could be wrong now, and he looks worried. He starts to ask what's wrong and I raise my hand to stop him. "Ain't nothin' you can do to help me, so there ain't no point in askin'," I say and he just nods. That's what I like about him - he understands. But, he's just as stubborn as me, so he talks anyway.

"Maybe talking will help," he says, "even if I can't solve your problem, I can listen to it." You gotta love the man, right? The thing is, what do I tell him? "Oh, I'm just sittin' here, drownin' my sorrows cuz my brother don't wanna fuck me any more." Yeah, that would go over well. His eyebrows do that twitchy thing like he's tryin' to figure somethin' out, then he smiles. "It's Matt, isn't it?"

I looked up so fast that I knocked over my beer bottle. Luckily it was empty. Yeah, lucky for who? I open my mouth to answer him, but there ain't nothin' comin' out, so I end up lookin' like the doofus that I am, the words sputterin' around somewhere between my brain and my lips, and he just reaches over and puts his hand on mine and I feel somethin' - a little spark, I guess - and smile at him.

"I heard about the baby." Oh, wait - maybe he thinks I'm jealous or somethin' cuz Matt's got a kid now and I don't. I start to shake my head when he says somethin' else. "I felt the same way when I heard what Adam said about wanting to start a family while he's out." I look at him for a few minutes, then I say, "It ain't that, Jay." He nods again and that's when it hits me - he knows, don't he?

I look in his eyes and I know he knows. "How?" He just shakes his head, that smile of his takin' up half his face. "Been there, done that," he says. "I know that Adam and I aren't really brothers, but it was close enough." I nod, finally understandin' all the looks he had given us over the years. "Were we that obvious?" I ask and he shakes his head, pattin' my hand.

"Not to the others," he says quietly. "But, I, well we, knew. That kind of love is hard to miss when you're there, too." I nod, lettin' it all sink in. "It must have been hard on you," he says. "The wedding, the baby, everything you've been through." Damn, there must be a lot of smoke in here, cuz my eyes are startin' to water a little bit. "He was gonna leave her." Where the hell did that come from?

"After the accident, when I took care of him, we realized - well, I though we realized - that we needed to be together. Then, Amy found out she was pregnant, and she found out about us, and convinced him that she could love him better'n me, so he went back." Okay, what jackass flipped the 'on' switch for my mouth? Before I knew it, I was spillin' my guts like crazy, tellin' Jay everything.

And I do mean EVERYTHING - from the first time Matt ever kissed me, all the way up to his crazy idea about me and him and Amy. Jay just sat there listenin' to me ramble. We had a couple more drinks, but then he told me I didn't need any more. I started to ask him what made him an expert on what I needed, when I remembered what he said about bein' here himself.

I never woulda known, though, cuz he never acted like it bothered him. So, I decide to ask him the big secret. "How'd ya get over it?" There's that smile again. Ya know, I never realized it before, but Jay's kinda pretty when he smiles. "I just found myself another obsession." I laugh at that, cuz it really is an obsession. How else, other than sick, twisted and immoral would you describe the desire to have sex with your brother?

When I calm down from the giggle fit that only the drunk and brokenhearted can pull off, I look at him again. "Just don't tell me that ya threw yourself into your work to get over it, cuz I don't think I can pull that one off." When he shakes his head, I realize that his hair looks like a golden waterfall, movin' in the light, almost glowin'. "It wasn't work," he says and my mind is havin' this battle, one half tryin' hard to concentrate on what he's gonna tell me and the other half studyin' his dimples.

Lord, I must be drunk. I'm sittin' here with one a my best friends, who's tryin' his best to give me the advice I need, and all I can think about is findin' out if his skin feels as soft and silky as it looks. He's still talkin', but I can't hear a word he's sayin', cuz the way his mouth moves when he talks, the way his tongue pokes out between his teeth when he smiles is really makin' me crazy.

Why does he keep lookin' at me like that? I got somethin' on my face? I…I just wanna kiss him, one time, just to see how he tastes. Whoa - where the hell did THAT one come from? Wait…he's leanin' over toward me, lickin' his lips, and for the first time in a long time, my mind is perfectly clear. When he kisses me, it's like this big ol' eraser just wiped out everything that had been cloudin' my judgment for years.

When he pulls back, leavin' my lips on fire along with the rest of my body, I stare at him. New obsession, huh? I can get used to that. Neither one of us say anything, just get up from table and head for the door. He pushes the button for the elevator and I take the time to watch him outta the corner of my eye. Why didn't I ever see it before? How could I have been so blind? Never mind, I remember now.

This time, in the elevator, I kiss him. He looks into my eyes, then says, "I just want to show you how it feels, Jeff. I want you to know that somebody loves you - I love you." I nod and kiss him again. I guess he's got a point to make, cuz he pulls back again and he's still lookin' at me. "All I'm asking for is a chance," he says. "Just give me a chance and I'll love you like nobody else ever has."

How can I refuse? I smile and kiss him one more time, then the doors open and I drag him out of the elevator and down the hall to my room, gigglin' like a fool. He has to open the door for us cuz I'm too busy coppin' a feel of his ass, tryin' to lick this spot on his neck that's suddenly become my only focus. Clothes fly around the room and before I know it, we're all wrapped up in the sheets and each other.

Wow. That's the only word I can think of to describe what it feels like bein' loved by Jay. We're layin' here, baskin' in the afterglow - god, that sounds so Harlequin romance, don't it? - and I realize somethin'. That hole in my heart don't feel so big now. As a matter of fact, I can hardly feel it at all. I wonder about the hole in his heart, but I don't ask, cuz he's the one askin' me somethin'. "What about…?" I shake my head and lay my head on his chest, feelin' his heart beat with mine. "Don't worry ' bout Matty," I tell him as my hand feels the silk of his chest again. "Matty's gone."