I miss the look of surrender in your eyes, the way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love - oh but baby most of all
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in, the one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again - let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss the colors that you brought into my life,
Your golden smile, those deep brown eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now, sayin' it'll be all right
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in, the one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again - let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss those times, I miss those nights, I even miss our silly fights
The making up, the morning talks, and those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in, the one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again - let the light back in
I miss my friend



They're all looking at me. Shane, Shannon, Christian, Joey. Hell, even Dad eyeballed me earlier. What do they want from me? Do they want me to snap? Do they want me to keep my mouth shut? What the hell do they expect? For me to lose my cool, go into screaming hysterics? Well, they ain't getting it.

Everyone is here. All our friends, our family. The preacher asked me a few minutes ago if I was okay. No, I'm not okay! Would everyone please stop asking? Shannon says I look a little pale. What the hell does he want? My Matty - my one and only true love, my best friend, my soul mate - is gone.

He knew me better than anyone. Matty knew all my secrets, all my dreams. He knew the food I hated to eat, the spot behind my ear that made me go crazy when he licked it, and that I had to leave a lamp on at night because I'm afraid of the dark. He knew that I hated to fly, loved to dance in the rain, and how long it took for me to psych myself up to meet fans.

Matty was the only person who could make it all better when I was sad, scared, hurt. He knew how far to push for me to reach my limits, and when to go over the line. It was Matty's arms that held me tight when I had a nightmare, Matty's voice that soothed away all my fears. It was Matty's lips who first touched my naked flesh and marked me in that special way that only lovers know.

Matty gave and Matty took. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. He was the one who showed me what love was, what sex was…and what heartbreak was. We fought, we kissed and made up. I never questioned his judgment, because Matty was the smart one. He would spend hours on the plane, in the car, reading over our matches, working out new moves, while I listened to CD's and read magazines.

He was the talented one, not me. He was beautiful and perfect and funny. And I loved him with all my heart and soul. I will love him until the day I die. There will never be another who could take his place in my heart. Not many people knew about us. We told a few friends, and they were totally cool with it. I always thought that other people suspected, but no one ever said anything. Until now.

And I know that the way I'm acting today is making it much worse. But, for once, I don't have Matty to tell me how to deal with this, to kiss away the pain and the fear. Why, Matty? Why are you leaving me all alone like this? You know I can't make it without you. Without you, I am nothing. A shell of what I used to be. A whisper of what I could have been.

The music starts and I wait patiently for this to be over, this day, this nightmare. You look so happy, so peaceful. How I long for you to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. Why can't you make this bad dream go away? The preacher starts to speak and I barely hear him. Words of life, love, happiness, now foreign concepts to me, flow from his lips. Soon the ceremony is over and our friends gather around.

I know they expect me to say something. Everyone is looking at me, and I know it's my duty to speak. I owe that much to him. I stand in front of everyone. I loosen my tie, hating that I had to wear one. I take a sip of water and look around the room, trying to find something to focus on, something to make this easier. Finally, my eyes land on Amy and her tear stained face.

I force a smile, raise my glass, and say, "congratulations to my brother Matt and his new bride. I hope you and Amy get everything you deserve." As the room echoes my sentiments for the newlyweds, I think silently to myself, one day. One day Matt will realize what a mistake he has made, and he'll come back to me. Where he belongs. Until then, I'll just wait. Damn, I miss him already.

Read the Second Story in the series What Might Have Been