I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

You ever looked out the window late at night, watching an airplane fly through the stars, wonderin' where those people were goin'? Were they headed home, knowing that on the other end of their journey, somebody would be waiting with open arms and all the love they had to give? Or were they running away, trying their best to get away from the worst possible hurt in the world? I used to do that when I was flyin'. Try to read people, figure out their lives in those couple of hours I spent near them. I got pretty good at it after a while.

You always said I was too trusting, too willing to give somebody the benefit of a doubt. You always said it was gonna be my downfall. I'll be damned if you weren't right, Matt. I trusted you, believed in you, gave you everything that you wanted, and what did I get in return? Your love, your heart, your soul, your body. But where are those things now? There's still there, they just ain't mine any more.

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
Still here

You claimed you were doin' it for Daddy, for the family name to be carried on. I know you were just tryin' to hide what you really are, what we are. Yeah, so what if Amy is cool with all of it - that's what matters, right? Well, what if I ain't cool with it? What if I don't want to share? What if, deep in my heart, I know that you are mine and I am yours and that's just the way it's supposed to be until the end of time? I shouldn't deny you the basic things in life, but damn it, what about me?

You want the two story house with the white picket fence and the 2 car garage, complete with a barbeque grill in the backyard, your dog runnin' around chasing after a couple of dark haired chubby little kids that look like the perfect combination of you and her. That's what every red-blooded American male is supposed to want, right? I mean, it's beaten into our heads from the moment we take our first breath. It's what Daddy talked about all those years - "All I wanna do is grow fat and old and rock my grandbabies on the front porch."

But we ain't like the rest of them, Matty. We never have been. We love each other. We hold each other, kiss each other…for fuck's sake, we SCREW each other. For some reason, I don't think that was ever in the Hardy Master Plan. Not once in my life can I remember anyone lookin' at us and sayin', "Hey boys, before you grow up and find yourself a nice little wife, why don't ya try fuckin' each other silly just to make sure you like girls?"

You've seen the ashes in my heart
You smile the widest
When I cry and my insides blow apart
I tried to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be

I don't know if there are numbers high enough for me to count the number of times I tried to walk away from you. Do ya really think that all those nights I spent in somebody else's bed were my way of keepin' people from gettin' suspicious about us? I wish that's what it was. I was tryin' real hard, Matt, tryin' hard to find somebody else that could take your place in my heart and my bed. But nobody else ever could. And they never will. I just wish I could say the same for you.

I know you were waitin' for me to tell you not to do it, not to make this…decision. But I couldn't do it. I know that you care for her, and she's pretty cool when it comes to your…other life. The one thing I could never do was disappoint you, let you down. I know you want it all, but you can't have it that way, Matt. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You might be able to juggle me and your woman; she might be able to deal with the way we love each other. But me…I can't do it. I can't share you with her for the rest of our lives. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm being stupid. And maybe, just maybe, I'm cuttin' off my nose to spite my face, but if I can't have you - all of you - then I want nothing at all.

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here

Maybe tonight
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember

I'm happy for you. I have to be, cuz all I ever wanted was to make you happy. I want you to have your little dream life, to show the world that you're the man they expect you to be. But, I still want you. I still need you. I wish I coulda told you all this before I left, but it wouldn't have made a difference. I mean, maybe you wouldn't have asked her to marry you, and you woulda stayed with me till the end of time, but what good would that have done either of us?

I coulda done so many things, but I did what I always do - I ran. I avoided a confrontation with you because I couldn't bear to see that look on your face. I know ya love her, but are you in love with her? Wait…Nevermind. I don't wanna know. Never ask questions you don't really want answered. It's easier that way. Always has been.

I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered and I wanted you
to come and make me whole
Then I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
And you just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

Do you know how many times I've sat out in the woods, up in our tree, watching your house just to catch a brief glimpse of you? Do you know that when you're on the road I climb in through the bedroom window and lay in your bed, look through your closet, wear your clothes, just to have that one brief moment of closeness to you that we used to have? Of course you don't. If you did, you woulda said something.

It hurts. I've known pain before, but never any like this. Shan asked me the other day why I was still makin' myself miserable over this, why I didn't just come out and tell you what I was feelin'. I couldn't explain it to him. I'm not even sure I can explain it to myself.

Maybe I'm workin' my way up to bein' a martyr. Maybe I'm tryin' to qualify for sainthood, even though Shane has that market cornered. I sit here in my garden and look at the rock sculpture I made. It looks like you, ya know. All my pictures look like you, all my songs are about you. everything I do is for you, Matt. every thing. One of these days, maybe I can start doin' things for myself again. Maybe I can actually start livin' again. Maybe.

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
The lights go out, the bridges burn
Once you're gone, you can't return
But I'm still here
Remember how you use to say
I'd be the one to run away

You might think that I'm the one who left. But you left me long before I ever walked out that door. You left me and all our hopes, all our dreams. All those plans we made, all the years we were gonna spend together - you're the one that left those. I still have them, still remember them. I go over them every night before I fall asleep, alone, without you to hold me. I see you livin' out those dreams with someone else. I just hope that someday, I can find somebody else to fulfill our dreams with too. Your body might be just a couple hundred yards away from me, but your heart…your heart is somewhere else.

But I'm still here