The gun in his hand felt like cold steel, like retribution… like a pure, final escape from the harsh, now unbearable realities of life. He would never get his title back and he would never perform again for the crowds. The last thing… the only thing that he'd ever cared about in his life had been taken away from him.

Raven stared down at the weapon, feeling an odd rush. Over the course of his life, he has held many tools of violence, but he has never felt anything so powerful for such an object. The silver pistol has a sense of finality about it; one blow from it would mean the end of things. No drink had ever given him this kind of a rush. How ironic; Raven knew he'd hurt many people during his time and yet the most powerful weapon he would ever wield… was to be turned on himself. A humorless chuckle escaped his lips at the thought as he cocked back the hammer.

"Don't."

Raven did not look up, merely pressed the gun to his right temple. "I told you to leave."

Cassidy shook his head, his newly dyed hair brushing against his cheeks. "I couldn't listen to you this time."

Eyes narrowing, Raven glared down at the younger man. "You picked an inconvenient time to grow a backbone, Cassidy."

Wincing only once, Cassidy knelt down between Raven's legs, staring up at him as if in supplication. "I won't let you do this."

"You don't exactly have a choice," Raven returned. He cocked back the hammer then grunted in surprise when Cassidy's weight suddenly landed on him. Drawing back his fist, Raven was surprised when the younger man didn't strike him or try to remove the gun. It took Raven a moment to grasp the sudden shift in position: Cassidy was perched on his lap and he was cheek to cheek with Raven. Had it been any other time, Raven might have been amused by the ridiculous romanticism of the position. As it was, he was left trying to figure out how to move the gun without blowing Cassidy's brains out in the process, since the barrel was now pressed to his temple. "I told you to leave," he snarled.

Cassidy shrugged one shoulder and his voice was disturbingly steady when he spoke next. "You go out; I go too, simple as that."

"Nothing is ever simple," Raven found himself saying. He tried to use his left hand to push Cassidy back out of the way, but his leverage was all wrong. "If you've ever respected me, you'll walk out that door right now."

Again, maddeningly, Cassidy shook his head. "I won't leave this time, Raven. I won't lose you."

"I respect your utter selfishness, but now is not the time," Raven said tightly. "If you don't get out, you're going to be the recipient of a new hair colour: blood red."

Had they not been so close, Raven would never have heard the younger man's reply. "Not like I haven't bled for you before. Besides," his voice became psychotically chipper. "It won't matter what colour my hair is. If you find a way to pull that trigger without me, I'll just follow along anyway. I already told you I'd follow you anywhere."

"Many people have said that to me, Cassidy, more than you could ever know." Raven's tone tightened a little and he spoke through gritted teeth.

"None of them really meant it."

Raven snorted derisively. "And who are you to judge?"

"I'm the guy sitting in your lap, ready to blow his brains out with you." Cassidy pointed out, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Touche." Raven returned after a moment. "You do realize that this doesn't change anything. I have nothing left to live for. Everything has been stolen from me. I have no title, I have no outlet and I have no hope. There is nothing. I have been fighting, striving to attain my destiny my entire life and now my destiny has been taken away. There. Is. Nothing."

"Not everything."

Raven rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Let me guess, you're going to say that you'll never leave me, am I right?"

Cassidy nodded and Raven could feel an increase in warmth against his cheek. "That was part of the plan, yeah."

"I've heard all that and more. You are no different from the rest."

"I am." Cassidy assured him. "And I can prove it."

A soft grunt of surprise slipped past Raven's lips as Cassidy suddenly shifted. At this moment, Raven could have pulled the trigger, but his attention was focused on Cassidy's mouth against his own. The kiss was not furtive and desperate as Raven had expected, but it was slow…. slow and amazingly gentle. Cassidy's lips glided over Raven's like silk. He could have pressed the gun to his own head at the moment, but instead of cold metal, he felt Cassidy's warm fingers combing through his hair. A shudder danced down Raven's spine before he could stop it and some of the tension seeped from his muscles.

When the kiss broke, Raven opened his eyes, surprised to see Cassidy smiling at him gently, feeling the younger man's hand cupping his cheek.

Raven shook himself from the disconcertingly pleasant gaze. "What? Are you going to tell me that love makes life worth living? The only thing that I've ever loved has been taken--"

Cassidy's finger rested on his lip. "Maybe not love, but how about a really good blow job before you go?"

Raven's pierced brow arched. For once, he couldn't think of something witty enough to say out loud, so he simply nodded, gesturing downward.

Cassidy continued to surprise him, placing a gentle kiss to his throat. His fingers slid up beneath Raven's shirt and began to expertly map the sword tattoo on his stomach. A shiver slid down Raven's spine and he could feel gooseflesh rising up wherever Cassidy's fingers roamed.

Towards the end of another kiss Cassidy nearly lost his balance and Raven found himself resting the gun against the small of the younger man's back to hold him in place, oddly pleased at the way Cassidy grunted and cursed the weapon's coolness. As if to escape, he slid downward, his forehead brushing briefly against Raven's stomach as he knelt between his legs once more.

He had expected some degree of frantic eagerness to Cassidy's movements; but the younger man was taking his time, unzipping Raven's jeans using both hands, not trying to use only his mouth like those who'd been so desperate to impress in the past. He gazed downward intently as if he was unraveling the world's greatest puzzle rather than undoing a pair of jeans that were, in all probability, older than him.

Once the zipper was lowered, he coaxed Raven's cock out and began stroking him until he was hard. Raven watched him impassively, his expression revealing nothing of the pleasure or exasperation he might be feeling. But Cassidy just smiled up at him before closing his lips around the head of Raven's cock.

He definitely wasn't like all of the others, Raven thought. Cassidy moved at a leisurely pace; for the moment he seemed content to simply glide his lips up and down rather than apply any suction or try any tricks of the tongue. The others had always been so eager to finish quickly that Raven found himself unsure of Cassidy's rhythm. Uncertainty was not a pleasant emotion. Raven tangled his hands in Cassidy's newly dyed blonde hair, trying to coax him into a quicker pace, but to his surprise, the younger man went completely still instead, refusing to move until Raven's fingers relaxed. In all his life, Raven had never gotten a more complicated blow job.

Just as Raven opened his mouth to voice his impatience, Cassidy's tongue circled the head of his cock. After so many minutes of apparent inactivity, the simple act made him grunt, his knees falling open a bit more. Cassidy's hands were braced on his calves and he grunted when the younger man's nails began to dig into the skin; they were short, but sharp.

Raven lost track of time, choosing to accept Cassidy's slow pace, though the tricks were becoming more and more frequent. He tried to signal his pleasure, but came to realize that Cassidy's eyes were closed, the younger man seemed to be totally involved in his task, rather than looking to Raven for approval or confirmation.

Just as Raven found his mind wandering, Cassidy gently scraped the vein on the underside of his cock with his teeth. The hint of pain made Raven grunt, arching his hips off the couch as he spilled into the younger man's mouth. The rush of pleasure made the edges of his world go fuzzy and when it faded, he slumped against the couch, panting lightly. It was like being buzzed for a few minutes without the repercussions.

When he came back to himself, Raven forced himself to open his eyes. Cassidy was staring up at him and he wasn't craving approval. Instead, his expression was surprisingly intense, seeming to bore straight through the other man. Raven had never seen Cassidy look this old before. It was oddly sobering; the orgasm suddenly seemed like a distant memory.

"You might be a misanthropic, melodramatic, overly violent son of a bitch," Cassidy began, rushing to finish before he lost his nerve. "But I admire the hell out of you." Then Cassidy was quiet for a long moment, occupying himself with refastening Raven's jean shorts and slipping back into his lap as if he'd been born to it. Yet he still would not break eye contact, despite their sudden closeness. "You've loved this business for so long. Have you even tried loving anything else?"

Raven grunted as Cassidy started to shift his weight slightly to get more comfortable. He opened his mouth to answer, but a gunshot rang out instead.

All Raven could smell was the burn. His ears rang for so long that he thought he'd gone deaf. He couldn't hear his heart racing. As the shock faded and his senses returned to him, he realized that Cassidy had his head on Raven's shoulder and was hissing out a surprising number of curses. More out of instinct than affection, Raven rested his hand on the younger man's thigh, surprised to feel him shudder with pain. When Raven drew his hand away, it was slick and coated red.

He ignored the shouts of mingled concern and alarm coming from adjacent hotel rooms. When the phone rang, he snapped that he was fine and hung up, leaving the receiver off the hook. His bloodied fingers returned to Cassidy's wound. The younger man flinched at first, then did his best to mask his emotions. It was an admirable try, but Raven could see him biting the insides of his cheeks. The kid still had a lot to learn.

"Take off your pants." Raven commanded, in the same tone he'd use to ask Cassidy to fetch him a weapon with which to brutalize someone.

Cassidy slid off Raven's lap without argument, studiously avoiding the gun, which was now on the floor by his right foot. With a quick motion the baggy jean shorts were on the ground. He shifted his weight awkwardly from foot to foot, as though trying to test out his sense of balance.

Raven examined the wound with clinical efficiency. Hell he'd probably seen more wounds in his lifetime than most doctors. The shot had been a glancing one; looking past Cassidy, Raven thought he could see the hole in the wall that was the bullet's final resting place. The wound had already closed up, though the burn around it looked rather painful. Raven sat back, brushing his bloodied hands negligently across his shorts. Then he looked up at the younger man as though pronouncing his sentence. "You'll live."

"Will you?" Cassidy cocked his head slightly, fixing Raven with that oddly piercing gaze once more.

Raven looked mildly disgusted as he rose to his feet and headed towards the bed, absently kicking the gun out of his path. "Have I taught you nothing of the art of subtlety?"

"Aren't you the one who likes to use pizza cutters in the ring?" Cassidy returned with uncharacteristic nerve. While Raven's back was to him, he took the opportunity to refasten his pants. When he finished with that, he kicked off his running shoes and followed a few steps behind Raven.

Choosing to say nothing, Raven crawled under the blankets, drawing them tightly around his battered and exhausted body. He grunted in surprise when he felt the mattress dip beneath Cassidy's waist and the younger man was somehow able to shimmy under the blankets until they were almost spooning. "Did I say you could-?"

"I blew you and just got shot; the least you can do is not kick me out." Cassidy muttered dourly, slipping his arm around Raven's waist.

After a moment's thought, Raven nodded. "Good point."

"You still going to off yourself?" Cassidy asked, though he sounded half asleep.

Raven remained silent until he was certain that Cassidy had nodded off. "I'm willing to explore other options at the moment," he admitted, closing his eyes as well. When he felt Cassidy's hand cover his, Raven rolled his eyes, but didn't pull away.

THE END